The Truth About Dating A Married Man
No matter how many times people makes these promises to themselves, it's nearly impossible to follow through. When you spend so much time with someone connecting on that level, it's rare that one or both people involved don't develop feelings, and feelings make thing complicated. Many women have a tough time being intimate with someone and not also becoming emotionally attached, at least to an extent.
Even though in your head you have been well aware from the get-go of the fact that he's married and has no plans to leave his wife, it's rarely as simple as telling yourself that no matter, you will not fall for him. Sure, there are people who manage to pull it off, but do you really want to take the gamble and find out whether or not you'll beat the odds? They are definitely stacked against you.
But honey, you've got to know that almost never happens. He may tell you that you're the one he really wants to be with and that he doesn't want to stay with his wife, but the vast majority of the time he'll just be saying that to keep you with him a little bit longer. A married man who is willing to cheat on his wife will clearly say anything to convince another woman she's doing nothing wrong by being with him.
He's not beneath telling you how horrible his wife is or that they fight constantly and he just can't take her drama and abuse any longer. These excuses may not be anything more than bold-faced lies. He and his wife may actually have a reasonably happy marriage and you'd be none the wiser.
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After all, when it comes down to it, how can you trust anything a man says to you when he's in the process of trying to make you the other woman? Save a child save a mother.
What others are reading. Congressman proposes travel ban on Ken Agyapong over Anas' partner killing. NAM1 nabbed in Dubai more than one month ago. He will not leave his wife. Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman.
Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy. And don't ever kid yourself on this important point: He is still having sex with his wife, no matter what you may want to believe.
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Legally, financially and emotionally, you have no claim. You may realize that you have no claim legally or financially, but you would think there'd be an emotional attachment or bond between you and your lover. In fact there usually isn't after the affair is over. Even though he has a deep feeling of love for you, he is able to process it in an unemotional way. He's not a bad guy, he may be a wonderfully kind person, but he is also a practical one. He knows that holding on to emotions that can only cause problems for his family is something he cannot and will not do.
When it's over, he will move on. To safeguard yourself from too much emotional pain, you need to understand that he can only be a small part of your life and will never be more than that no matter how many promises are made. You need to have a life that works and that is full enough to withstand the pain of the eventual breakup. He has one and you need one, too. A solid circle of friends and a social life separate from your hidden life with him is a necessity. Let your friends know that you still want to go out with them regularly.
Don't always be so ready to cancel plans you have made with others to accommodate him. Casual dating with male friends helps, too.
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It allows you to see yourself through the eyes of another man who finds you interesting and attractive. It is up to you where it might lead. It helps to remember that the man with whom you are intimately involved in "your other life" is not living as a monk with his wife. Being involved in an affair with someone else's husband is an almost surefire trip from ecstatic highs at the beginning to a depressing abyss at the end. Understand the basics of exactly what you are getting into, and what your status is. You need to step back and identify the priorities -- your priorities -- in a relationship with a married man.
Think with your head and not with your heart.
Ensuring you have a life distinct from his that is your safe haven can make being the other woman, if not a secure, permanent position, at least one that is a bit more tolerable.