If you ask about something you are mutually interested in, you'll have a much easier time keeping the conversation flowing. Your message needs to grab her attention, pique her curiosity, and make her want to know more about you. You also want to make it easy for her to respond, and the best way to do that is to ask her a question. First of all, you need to come to the table with a conversation topic. A thought provoking, fun, playful message that stands out from all the lame messages cluttering up her inbox.
This is where the intel you gathered comes in. Use the advanced search criteria to find women who like to ski, then send that message to any of them who interest you. This works for any keyword, like travel: Here's a conversation starter that's almost sure to get a response if her dog makes an appearance in her profile or photos: You can send an icebreaker like this one to just about any woman, as who doesn't like to think they've got a well-developed sense of adventure?: This message also has copy and paste potential, because thinking about dessert is popular across the board:.
Once you come up with a few good copy and paste messages, test them out and keep the winners. What it meant when I did it is that the person's profile had enough in it that made me want to write back, but that I really hate the common conversation format of online dating messages and just couldn't bear to do it: Did a person really have to know how long I'd been kickboxing to know whether he wanted to meet me?
Instead of asking questions, have you considered just sending some sincere comments and a request for a date?
How To Start An Online Dating Conversation
Like "I noticed you listed x, y, and z as things you like. I like them too. I laughed at the part of your profile that said x. Would you like to meet up for a drink? In my profile, I wrote that I was the only girl on okcupid that seemed to prefer short men to tall men, and that I prefer intense people to "laid back" people.
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He wrote to me that he was short and not the least bit laid back, so would I like to go for a drink sometime, and to this day, we joke that this pretty much sums him up as a person posted by millipede at 6: There might be two slightly different things going on, here. When you message a guy first, and get a short answer, nthing that this is most likely "polite disinterest. If they were interested there would be more of an attempt at starting a conversation by asking you questions in return, or mentioning something in your profile, so on and so forth.
And seconding whoaali in that us guys tend to not get inundated with messages or horrible reactions to expressions of polite disinterest , so sending a politely disinterested reply isn't much of an effort, generally. I suppose you could take another look at their profile to see if you think it might possibly be worth taking another whack at the conversation, but if you would rather just figure, "Nah, this guy is a dud" and move on, I don't think anyone here could say you're doing it wrong. Alternatively, I could easily imagine that some people have poor social skills, aren't really used to the norms of online dating messaging, or just disagree with that style of conversation.
I'd strongly suspect that this group is smaller than the first, but you could theoretically miss a gem if you ignore it.
How To Start An Online Dating Conversation
If you want to take a chance on them, you could just ask them out directly as soon as conversation stagnates like that. The only downsides are a decent chance of rejection and wasting your time meeting someone who might not be that interested, but if you're fine with that, why not? When I did online dating I perceived it as not interested, or lacking social skills. When a guy is interested he would ask more questions or ask to meet right away. Hold out for a dude who is like, "Wow, a hot lady just messaged me!
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I want to get to know her further. Let me ask a follow up question. I've just gone on a few dates with someone who asks great questions, remembers my answers, with whom I can talk and laugh with for hours and not get bored or run out of things to say. If we hadn't jumped straight to meeting after 2 or 3 short messages, and had started texting or something first, I would have thought he is the most boring person on the face of the planet. In general, my goal in online dating is to meet them in person as soon as possible -- that's how you know if there is anything really there.
Speaking as a guy back in the world of online dating, I'll just say that I'm very chatty when given the opportunity and I ask questions back to keep the conversation going.
Even my initial contact messages have a question or two to try and spark some interest. It's rare that I hear back though and I've been told to be less talkative, but it just seems to me that being short-answered is a death knell for online dating. Maybe the intent is to sound too cool for school, but I think that reads as being bored or disinterested.
Reading this thread is a revalation to me. I have tend to "chat" and not send long email style replies.
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I had no idea it was expected that one would write out long replies. I always guessed that long replies and detailed messages would come off as too eger or trying too hard. And then there's the fact I try to talk with someone first before asking for the date. I assume that's the prefers thing since so many joke about the "you're hot wanna fuck?
All of this explains my frustration with online dating. Join Date May Gender: Age 31 Posts 1, If she replies short ,you must stop investing into conversation or ask her direct: Copy her style of reply. All kodels do low investment talking i do the same to them Send me a copy of the text between you and her so we can have a look at mistakes. Join Date Apr Gender: Age 27 Posts It looks like she is comfortable talking to you, but have you created in her a feeling of trust for you?
Sorry to say my man but you ruin it when you said"what boring r u doing? There is no comfort, i think she replies just to be polite.