But sometimes, you just straight up need some techniques that work. This is one of those times. In the big city with people constantly in motion, it can be challenging to make a connection. Conversation-friendliness, Community, and Continuity. You want to be able to have a meaningful exchange of sufficient length in a safe context such that you can follow up with the person later. Now the dry cleaners is a great venue because the people there are likely to be local good for Community , affluent, and probably gainfully employed.
This is the realm of grownups. This cuts out the middleman of fumbling for phones, or pen and paper. Do you have a card? The attention you just gave him probably made his day. I have a Bookswap Brunch that I do once a month or so, where people bring books to swap with each other while having a tasty brunch. Now this topic happens to be one of the most common that women ask me about.
Capacity for the webinar is only people, so if you want to be on, I would recommend that you click on this link right now and sign up. Nothing to lose; much joy, potential partnership, wedding ceremonies, rugrats, and massive private school and college bills to gain: San Francisco Bay Area: If you were rejoicing on Nov 9, this talk is probably not aimed at you. It will basically be like a live version of the blog, so bring your questions!
The room is smallish, so if you want a seat, get your tickets quick — there are about 19 left. You saw a candidate who routinely insulted minorities, immigrants, handicapped people, and LGBT folks become President-elect of the nation. You saw a man who bragged about sexually assaulting women win the highest office in the land. And you saw friends, family, and fellow Americans disregard all of that ugliness and vote for him anyway.
If in the past week you have felt less safe; disrespected as a woman; in despair about the state of democracy; worried about the future of your self and country — I hear you. If you want to talk about stuff, just call In the meantime, even though something very strange has happened, worry is not going to help. The world keeps turning, and frankly it needs you.
So if you are not feeling tip-top, here are some ways to improve your resilience and bounce back, pronto:. There is nothing that changes your mood more reliably than exercise. So get out of the house and move — go for a run, do yoga, take an exercise class, or just enjoy a long walk. We humans are hypersocial creatures. Singles living alone are now the biggest demographic group in America, and nothing about the 6 million year history of hominin evolution prepared us for living by ourselves.
So get together with people. Organize a movie night, go watch sports together in a bar, go dancing, have a dinner party.
Dr. Ali Binazir, Happiness Engineer
Good company is healing. Which also explains why so many repressive cultures ban music think the Taliban or fundamentalist Iran. So grab your smartphone, fire up your Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music or Pandora, and listen to some seriously uplifting tunes. If said tunes make you dance, even better see 1 above. Classical music is particularly powerful for me. Some pieces that get me going when I need to scrape myself off the floor: Yeah, just close your eyes and sit. For extra credit, do your best to clear your mind of thoughts. You do this by focusing on something other than random thoughts — say, the sensation of breath as it goes through your nostrils.
Repeating an internal sounds also helps you focus. Just email me a beer instead. Meditation is a form of mindfulness, but not the same thing. You can practice it all the time. Because, if you really think about it, all of your problems reside in the past or the future. Right now — this tiny sliver of a second constituting the present moment — is frankly too narrow to contain any problems. Feel the warmth of the water, the hardness of the plates, the slipperiness of the suds.
Hear the sounds of splashing water, and the squeak of sponge on dish. Which part of your foot hits the ground first? Which one is next? How do your legs feel as they alternately support and swing? What are your arms doing? As you do this, you may notice something: And then the next moment in time — still pretty good. And the next one? String together enough of these mindful moments, and you get whole days, months and years. This way, you can get through anything.
One of the best ways to cheer yourself up is to help cheer other people up. Hey, why do you think I do this stuff? So call up a friend, offer to listen, go deliver a hug in person, send them this list, and otherwise make yourself useful. Could be your family, your health, your car that gets you around. Meditate on them, and deeply appreciate them in your life for 30sec each. Then go on with the rest of your day. Science shows that making this a daily or even weekly practice has measurable benefits for your long-term happiness. This really should have been at the top of the list; thanks to eagle-eyed reader Maria for bringing it to my attention.
All of the things I just mentioned are free and available to you right now.
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Would be great to see them. Just call This is a really good time to meet new people. Why do you think the most number of kids are born in August? Anyway, there are 6 sessions in total. The remaining 2 sessions will be in And remember, the course is evergreen. All the material is online, and you can come back to it as often as you want, and join a live cohort whenever I have one. Hey, I hear ya. Things were probably rough even before they got rougher!
We live in uncertain times. None of this is entirely new. And you know what? I have faith in you. And just so you can have even more faith in yourself, here are two resources straight from my secret stash that have been very useful to me:. This is a daybook. You get an essay for every calendar day. The culmination of one love, one dream, one self, is the anonymous seed of the next.
Mark Nepo has been through a lot cancer, divorce etc. As a result, he always writes from a place of deep vulnerability. He also writes beautifully. No wonder Oprah went gaga over his book when she found out about it in You can either watch the livestream or go to watch from the archives right now for no charge perhaps the Nov 9 service will be of interest; lecture starts around He is one industrial-strength wallop of inspiration and the best living orator I know.
The services are spiritually-oriented and non-denominational. There are some recurring themes to his messages: Rev Michael was a pivotal part of starting my writing career 11 years ago. He is an extraordinarily helpful resource in times of trouble or joy.
The Tao of Dating Quotes by Ali Binazir
Meditation has been the single most transformative practice I have taken up. It has made me a calmer, less reactive, more thoughtful person. The first thing I do every morning is meditate, and I consider it the most important part of my day. For someone deep into meditation, the list of teachers reads like the Team USA Basketball team roster: I am not exaggerating when I say these folks are the best at what they do:. Should you decide to purchase a package of the recordings, I receive a part of the proceeds. Meditation is the life-changing practice, and I sincerely hope you can join me.
Click here to sign up.
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Do you know what to do to make that pitch great every time? Or are you leaving those crucial turning points to chance? I get a lot of letters from readers. There are common themes to these letters: Why do I behave this way? Why does he do that?
The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible
Can I trust men? Is a long-term committed relationship even possible? But rarely does a letter hit all of those themes at the same time. Martha, a very thoughtful 30yr old graduate student from Oregon sent me this letter recently. But I tend to come up with philosophical and existential questions that make everything harder. This expands to different areas in life, specifically relationships. Learning that I belong to the anxiously attached category helped me understand the painful break-ups and self-destructive patterns of thinking that followed.
In my life these external resources have been: Along with that, I was exposed to continuous fights over parental infidelity, leading me to lose trust in men. Since I was also criticized a lot, I always wanted to be more, which served me well but also with the downside of never being happy with who I was. I also wonder if I lack determination in my decision-making or reactions. I wanted to break the taboo of dating someone from a different socioeconomic status, which is why I started dating my boyfriend Bradley about a year ago.
I often find myself analyzing everything my partner says, looking for its origin in order to discover the real him: These conversations alarm me and rev up my sympathetic nervous system to withdraw from trusting him in the long run. But then again, I realize that this is still giving authority to external circumstances to keep me content. I never fear being left because someone smarter or kinder may come along. I fear being left for a more attractive girl, or simply a different kind of beauty. I worry about getting old and losing physical beauty, but at the same time I realize that being a goddess is not a requirement to keep a man loyal.
Many men cheat even when they have a goddess at home. What puzzles me is that even though I consider my mother a very beautiful woman though lacked in other areas and know that it did not stop my father from cheating, I take physical comments to heart and I worry about losing the field to younger girls. I wonder if I have unconsciously always gone for the wrong guys to prove myself that men are not trustworthy. I want to be OK on my own, even if no man is ever going to be loyal to me for eternity.
I want to stop worrying and being loved to be happy. Well, if some of what Martha brought up resonated with you, raise your hand. Lots of raised hands out there. Which brings me to the topic I want to talk about today: Prof Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin is the pioneering researcher of self-compassion. After all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? The most obvious one is recognizing our common humanity. And you would be wrong.
Out there in Oregon, writing these thoughts to me, Martha is probably pretty sure that she is the only person in the world that has this constellation of challenges. And yet, you the reader can probably identify with a bunch of them: Once you realize the rest of the world is also having these issues, it somehow becomes much easier to bear. That brings us to Principle 1, Self-kindness. Some folks — especially perfectionists — have somehow internalized that there is virtue in ripping into yourself. Besides, which part of you is ripping into which part of you?
Are you slapping yourself in the face with your own hand, or elbowing yourself in the stomach? Do you have any idea how weird that sounds? Stop that now before I call in the shrinks. And that brings us to Principle 3, Mindfulness.
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Just go ahead and feel it fully, without letting it be your whole existence and identity. When you allow them to express fully, feelings fade over time. But if you resist them, they persist. So let them be, then let them go. Mindfulness is also about being fully present in the moment.
This happens to be the antidote to overthinking or rumination, which is what this letter is doing a lot of. Like many of you, Martha is a smart, highly-educated woman. And like many of you, she thinks a lot about things that have never happened and may never happen. Some of these thoughts may turn into worries, which may become anxieties looming large enough to alter your daily behavior. For example, Martha talked about infidelity: What works is to do something else instead.
For those of you who are in the Bay Area on Mon Oct 3, would love to see you at my live workshop. Please drop by and say hi! Christine Marie Mason is one of the most extraordinary people I know and one of my favorite humans. She has been an entrepreneur, CEO of 6 different companies, BA and MBA graduate from Northwestern University, organizer of nine TEDx events, a yoga teacher, artist, musician, mother of six fantastic kids, grandmother, and most recently, a prison peace mentor.
We met 15 years ago at a yoga retreat, so I thought I knew her pretty well by now. What I did not know was that when Christine was 12, her young mother was murdered and left in a cornfield. She had her first child at 19, then again at 20, and still finished college and the MBA program. Her first husband eventually had a schizophrenic break and ended up losing his job and squandering all their money. Her second husband got cancer, then proceeded to cheat on her in spectacular fashion even while Christine was helping him recuperate. After a particularly long day in this spell of dot-com craziness, I was walking down a crowded street to catch a commuter train, when I saw my old friend Daniel.
Daniel always had a ready smile. He was self-contained, a loving husband and father and accomplished professionally—at that time he was CEO of a public company, making all manner of kitchen gadgets. That night, he was shining. It looked to me like he had shed layers of himself; he was carrying no burden. He responded in an instant. Poise does not freak out over laundry, talk too much, go 90 miles an hour to make it to a meeting, or accidentally break things due to inattention. After a great struggling 75 minutes of a vigorous athletic form of structured postures linked together by the breath we were practicing a form called Ashtanga yoga , the class arrived at Savasana , corpse pose, where we lay on our backs, arms outstretched, palms up, legs extended, letting all of our muscles relax, allowing our bones to sink into the floor, in a sort of half-state between sleeping and waking, a state of deep aware stillness.
Through the breathing, the rhythm, the turning inward of yoga—through the not turning to an external thing like whacking a tennis ball or working into the night —I found my first peace in long memory. Yoga, as it has been popularized in the west, is often practiced with pumping music. People move fast and sweat and detox. If the connection between my feet and brain does not work, how am I going to connect to other people? Nor did I know where my organs were in my belly. My insides were like a black hole between my ribcage and my knees. Can you feel where your liver is, unless it is in pain? After a while, I found that I could lift my arches and run an energetic current up my shins and thighs and ass and heart and right out the top of my head and back down again.
The power I used in previous forms of athletics to release energy was something that could be channeled and leveraged inside of the body, to heal it and balance it, and restore equilibrium and clarity to my whole organism. The yoga practice that was handed to me started a new kind of self-inquiry: Am I aware of my breath? Where am I looking? Where are my feet? Are all four corners of my feet on the ground?
Are my arches lifted away? Where are my fingers? Are they evenly aligned or evenly spaced? Am I standing tall or leaning forwards or backwards? Where am I in space? How good is my proprioception: What am I actually feeling? What is actually happening? It was a straight line to hyperawareness. I began to learn that the body has rising and falling energies, that when it gets certain inputs it releases certain chemicals, that there is a virtuous loop between the actions of the body and the chemicals that are released, and that this cycle is autonomic until we intervene and override it.
We can start to use our breathing and our thoughts to restructure which chemicals are getting released from our minds and into our bodies. We can reprogram ourselves, literally. Once I began, it was rapid-fire study.
I went to my first class, and I knew I was going to return. Eventually, I found a connection to divine source on that quiet, meditative, sweaty little mat, something I never quite got in any traditional church. That tiny studio, with a purple Om symbol painted on the wall, above a pizza parlor in the middle of Chicago, curtains blowing in, sirens and car horns below, became a holy place. It was there that I discovered a sense of having a permeable body: I was made of the same stuff as everything else in the universe.
I wanted to go deeper. In , I went on a retreat led by power yoga founder Baron Baptiste. His easygoing introduction to yoga philosophy, musical open laugh, softness, strength, humor and accessibility just made me happy. For example, once we stayed for a full 20 minutes in a hip opener known as frog: Somatic theory says we hold our painful memories in the body, and holding this position for this long had people in the room women especially , letting go and weeping at all the things held in the groin and hips.
I took his teacher training in Tulum, just to keep growing. Then I stumbled, or was led, into a month of teacher training in an intense, academic program that honored a deep Indian lineage, with Yogarupa Rod Stryker- and that training has continued apace for the last 15 years — from the yoga of sound, to contact yoga, to extensive breath and tantric energy work, to studying Sanskrit texts — it is an unending investigation.
By investigating the body, I began to investigate the mind also, and then even deeper into relationships. Once, early on, I was holding a yoga position called side plank for a long time. This position requires the body to form a long, firm, extended board, placing one hand on the floor, the other to the ceiling, and balancing between the side of the bottom foot and the palm of the hand, holding the belly snug and the hips high.
It can be rigorous. My arms started shaking; my balance was challenged. I invite you to look at your reaction to that. Are you feeling proud, or maybe the inverse: How can you be kind to yourself in this moment, play your edge, and take responsibility for your experience? How much are your own thoughts and reactions responsible for your own suffering?
If side plank was hard, the other big practice, seated meditation, was harder. Sitting still, harboring a quiet mind, initially felt impossible. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. The Tao of Dating: People have asked me that question hundreds of times. So here's the 3-word summary for ya: What does that mean? Well, or so letters I've received from women readers on their dating woes can all be boiled down to this: Does my butt look good in these pants?
Because that's not a game you can win! Focus on this question instead: How can I make the people around me feel like a million bucks? How to Generate the Love You Want Instead of Waiting for It to Happen Because at any point in life, you have the option to elevate those around you -- with a look, a touch, a phrase of praise, genuine appreciation. Hey, love what you've done with that outfit. That was a great book! Thanks for that fabulous home-cooked meal! When you appreciate and elevate others, they light up. And because we're hypersocial, empathic beings equipped with mirror neurons, YOU light up, and everyone notices: Who is that glow-in-the-dark girl?
Now, you've got a crowd gathered around you. And instead of coming from a place of lack or need, you're coming from abundance, joy, and choice. A much stronger starting point for any relationship. Butts and butt fashions change. The content is intelligent and compassionate and enriching far beyond anything to do with dating. In essence, this book somehow, magically, alchemically, brings you back to yourself. Everyday TV and other media specialize in portraying women as cheap and disposable. This book is the antidote.
Just by reading it, one is restored to one's own heart. I can think of no better praise. Thanks to this specific book, I went from having a nonexistent dating life, with empty weeks stretching ahead, to being booked every night of the week The results were dramatic: I now feel like I have my pick of the litter with a slew of fabulous guys who all clamor for my attention. Why I wrote this book: When I was an advisor at Harvard, I noticed that smart women like yourself were having unfulfilling love lives on an epidemic scale.
They either couldn't find the right guy, were with the wrong guy, had relationships that didn't last, or had given up on dating entirely. I wrote this book to remedy the situation. This is not your grandma's dating guide. Partially because I'm not your grandma, and partially because the 21st century poses unprecedented challenges to the modern woman. Is there time for love within a high-powered career? And nowadays, lots of guys are less educated and affluent than you. I give you tips on how to handle all that. This is a heart-centered, science-based, practical guide to finding fulfillment in your love lives and far beyond, all through a series of small, simple steps that put the fun back in dating.
Join the tens of thousands of women who who have transformed their lives with The Tao of Dating. Paperback , pages. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about The Tao of Dating , please sign up.
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Lists with This Book. I dislike self-help books. I find them indulgent and a bit ridiculous. I also feel like I don't need them. However, I picked this one up and read it cover to cover in about 3 nights. It is easy to read, appeals on a number of levels, both simple and straightforward all the way to the more spiritual and meditative levels There are bits and pieces that everyone, at any level, can take from this book. The author really seems to care about about the happiness of others, and it comes out in his writing. I liked this book. I admit to liking a self-help book.
And I also admit that i'm not perfect and absolutely need help in more areas than I want to delve into And changing myself will allow the rest of my world to change I've already be consciously putting some of his "exercises" to work in my day-to-day life Do yourself a favor and read this book. It's really worth your time! All smart, attractive women who want to be in a fulfilling relationship but aren't.
I read this book 2 years ago and have since bought copies of it for six women I love, including my mother, sister and girlfriends, which sets a personal record that I doubt will be broken by another book. That may be the highest recommendation I will ever bestow on a non-fiction book, in part because it enabled me to reconsider a guy I rejected with new eyes. The book is not perfect, but it helped me see the things that matter, the things that make a guy a "Good Guy", that I can't establish with I read this book 2 years ago and have since bought copies of it for six women I love, including my mother, sister and girlfriends, which sets a personal record that I doubt will be broken by another book.
The book is not perfect, but it helped me see the things that matter, the things that make a guy a "Good Guy", that I can't establish within a first date or a resume scan. My notes on what I got out of each chapter: When dating, we should be looking for the feeling of fulfilment, not at the person and his "credentials". This section gets a little New-Age-y, I skip this on re-reads.
As one of many feminists reading this book, after a lifetime of rebelling against an Asian mother's pleas for me to be more obedient and compromise my career for the sake of my future child-rearing duties, I similarly resisted Dr. Binazir's characterization of Yin feminine and Yang masculine qualities. But after the first instinctual emotional reaction, I'll leave it to you to decide whether he ultimately makes sense.
If I had a physical copy of this book, this chapter would have the softest, most frayed-edge pages drenched with highlighter ink. BE 6 Beliefs 7 Attitudes This section is about cultivating your mind and disciplining your behaviour, keeping yourself happy and fulfilled with or without a man. Skip if you're already pretty happy with yourself and don't have body image or other self-esteem issues. The five masculating gifts this is itself a gift from Dr.
Binazir , and When is the right time to have sex with him? Connect at 3 "chakras" for a lasting relationship: You must have all 3, do not settle for 2 out of 3. More a book about general Taoism than dating, but I actually appreciated it. Now, off to find me some boys! Ships from and sold by Amazon. Details The Power of the Pussy: Love, Respect, Commitment and More! Details Customers who bought this item also bought Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1 This shopping feature will continue to load items.
In order to navigate out of this carousel please use your heading shortcut key to navigate to the next or previous heading. Back Never Chase Men Again: For those seeking a lifetime of deep love and fulfillment, this intelligent, spiritual, practical and wise approach provides much-needed guidance. The Tao of Dating is a profoundly helpful manual for women who want to feel their best and be truly fulfilled in love. It's up to us to navigate the ship to the safe harbor we so desire.
Thanks Ali for honouring women so deeply! I couldn't help but marvel that one man had compiled such a wealth of dating experience and spiritual wisdom into one slim tome. I have already bought copies for my private coaching clients and could not recommend Dr. Ali's work with any greater enthusiasm.
Smart women who sometimes struggle with dating have found their Bible. Dr Ali Binazir here, and I'm thrilled you're paying a visit. This means I can put two thoughts together and express them in a way you understand. More important, I also know how smart people i. This is where I learned how to diagnose and treat problems, including those relating to the human mind. This means after figuring out what someone's doing wrong, I have tools to actually change their behavior.
Much more important than all of that: I've been on hundreds hundreds! And I've had thousands thousands! I know how guys think and what they like. And in clear, practical terms, I can teach how you can be the thing they like -- even love. I'm committed to helping you become the most deliriously happy and fulfilled version of you, and am glad to be of service. Some topics of interest that I cover in The Tao of Dating: Would you like to tell us about a lower price? If you are a seller for this product, would you like to suggest updates through seller support?
Read more Read less. Add all three to Cart Add all three to List. These items are shipped from and sold by different sellers. Buy the selected items together This item: Never Chase Men Again: The Power of the Pussy: Customers who bought this item also bought. Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. Review ' The Tao Of Dating offers smart, successful women the ultimate dating road map. Elite Communications February 14, Language: Start reading The Tao of Dating on your Kindle in under a minute. Don't have a Kindle? Try the Kindle edition and experience these great reading features: Share your thoughts with other customers.
Write a customer review. See all customer images. Read reviews that mention tao of dating highly recommend absolutely irresistible ever read every woman must read guide to being absolutely ali binazir woman guide dating life dating book feminine energy life changing best dating common sense refer back dating scene changed my life big brother even though. Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now.
Please try again later. Nothing of the sort here. Having now read so many contradictory dating books, I was really relieved to read a guide with actual moral substance and spiritual heart. Beautifully, like an open flower.