Transgender visibility has never been higher. However, despite this slowly rising level of awareness, there are still several challenges. Most of the news stories and opinion pieces circulating focus on the darker side of trans life: They want to be loved. However, thanks to a host of complicated issues, being loved is easier said than done.
Especially for trans women, navigating the dating scene is difficult. Furthermore, many trans women are understandably wary and vigilant about their safety as the dating world is full of cisgender men who stigmatize them. Back when we started TAT in , we quickly came to realize that until very recently, transgender individuals were marginalized by society at large think where gays were back in the s. It is not easy to find transgender individuals and TAT has made the effort to build carefully build its membership base one person at a time.
Willis detailed the difficulties of dating as a trans woman of color. She spoke of the positive and negative reactions to her reveal. She even dove deep into the misconceptions that exist and potentially threaten her ability to date without conflict. At the core of the issue is communication and specialization.
It sounds like an easy enough problem to solve, however, the online dating services available to trans people are far and few between. Trans users can accurately select their status as trans when creating a profile.
For Men Looking to Date Trans Women, Life Just Got Easier
However, even though the network is open to trans daters, there are still problems. There were men who got sexual way too fast, men who had empty profiles and shady personas and men who felt they should be given a trophy for dating trans women. Some actually try holding a conversation, even asking to meet up with me, all from a blank profile. Before identifying as a woman, I was never, ever messaged by a ghost. Now, a ghost messages me at least once a day.
This is upsetting and offensive because I know that it stems from transphobia. It promotes the idea that being attracted to a trans women is embarrassing -- that it's something to be ashamed of. Straight men who are attracted to trans women are often wrongfully depicted as gay men "in denial. The Ghost doesn't want to have any "incriminating" information connecting them to an account where they're flirting with trans women. I once had a person message me and say "I can send you photos of my face if you give me your email address.
Worrying about whether anyone would be attracted to me was a constant thought when I began embracing my transness. To a degree, it still is a constant thought.
- Three Types of Guys I’ve Met Dating Online as a Single Trans Woman.
- Hate OKCupid? Try Online Dating When You're Transgender | TakePart.
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This brings me to my next culprit. The Gross is the person who gets way too sexual in the first few messages and is often uncomfortably focused on the genitals they presume you have.
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The above screen grabs are real first messages I received from three different people. The Gross is always trying to hookup. They let you know this from the beginning. Some are straight forward and others use suggestive language like Mr. However we all know what they're looking for. The gross will more likely have photos, and they sometimes fill out their profiles, but they're still awful nonetheless.
They're conflicting for me in that they debunk the fallacy that no one is sexually attracted to me, but they also disregard my humanity. The Gross archetype was birthed out of the depiction of trans women as not only undesirable, but also hypersexual as well. We have years of only showing trans women in media through images of prostitutes, "traps" or cross dressers, as well as transphobic porn to thank for this.
This combination makes cisgender people believe that if they're attracted to a trans woman, they can never be public about it and also that we're not the kind of people you enter a committed relationship with. Now, I don't mind casual hookups, but damn, ask me out for a drink first. Shit, ask me my name first.
- 3 Types of Guys I’ve Met Online Dating as a Trans Woman - FLARE.
- For Men Looking to Date Trans Women, Life Just Got Easier?
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- Hate OKCupid? Try Online Dating When You're Transgender.
The Saviour is a more subtle transgressor because they are very close to being someone who is worth my time. They have comprehensive profiles and they aren't ashamed of publicly dating trans women. That's a good start. However, The Saviour's problem is that they think they deserve an award because they have audacity to date a trans person publicly. The Saviour boasts a little too proudly about how "open-minded" they are but their actions prove otherwise. They see themselves as allies and believe that because they are allies and lovers of trans people, that they are incapable of cissexist behavior.
I once had a person get annoyed with me because I told them the term "tranny" is offensive. Whatever, it's not big deal, I said you were beautiful.