I know that I'm just "young and foolish" and how could I ever question this book's teachings-everyone should do it! Everyone who has ever followed what Joshua Harris say I know no one's going to read my review, but I've just been itching to write it. Everyone who has ever followed what Joshua Harris says has wonderful results and a lifelong, heavenly marriage, right? As someone who had to read this in my junior year of high school I was homeschooled , I don't necessarily believe that. Sure, there are some couples who did the whole courtship thing and ended up marrying the love of their life.
As long as they're truly happy, who am I to tell them what they should have done? I just don't believe courtship works for everyone. This is what I think: They're not impure if they hold hands. They don't suddenly lose their innocence if they have crushes. They're not damaged goods for kissing their boyfriend or girlfriend. They're not immoral if they do have a boyfriend or girlfriend in the first place. Nearly everyone who is a strong advocate for courtship is all like, "But you'll regret your stupid choices one day.
Never experiencing that part of being a teenager. I will never know what it's like. Maybe deep down, I'm still one of those girls who is desperate or maybe I'm just being sentimental. But honestly, don't take those years for granted. I'm not saying that teenagers should be reckless and do everything on a whim.
Logic and common sense should obviously be valued. I simply believe that keeping your heart under lock and key at all times is a terrible-possibly damaging-idea. Lewis said "to love at all is to be vulnerable. If you do break up with your significant other and feel sad for awhile, that's just part of life!
It won't be unbearable and you will get through it. Life is all about discovery, full of warmth and rawness and giving and taking and pouring yourself out! It is impossible to avoid pain in life, and shielding yourself from "getting hurt" by romantic relationships is only going to increase your fear of the world. I'm going to try to word this in a way that makes sense, but which sounds better to you Because I have heard stories about the latter. A lot of stories. All because of this book. It can definitely happen, and courtship champions should stop acting as though it is impossible.
Their method isn't perfect either.
Frequently bought together
Nothing in life is perfect. Anyway, I'm sure I have bored you quite enough. On with the book. I've only read it once and that was a few years ago, and would rather not read it again. From what I remember, his writing style was extremely repetitive and he repeated the same ideas over…and over…and over again. I literally had to take a break after reading a few pages at a time. I find that passage ridiculous. Was he implying that our hearts are only capable of so much love before they crash and burn? You love your family, you love your friends, and you love your pets.
You love certain musicians, artists and writers. I'm sure that loving more people, whether they'll become part of your past or stay with you for a long time, is NOT going to make you unworthy or undesirable. A loving heart is a truly beautiful thing. If you actually believe that, it will show, trust me. I know that not everyone who is for courtship thinks like that, but quite a few of them do.
If you have that mindset, how will any guy or girl be able to approach you and want to start a relationship with you in the first place? That's just the short version of all my thoughts. If I go on too much longer, my fingers won't be able to type for a while. Like I mentioned near the beginning, if couples who courted are truly happy that they did it…kudos to them. Josh Harris had good intentions, but I suspect this book has done more damage than good.
I'm tired of Christians who practice courtship treating this book like it's the pinnacle of nonfiction, and homeschooling parents since these beliefs are the norm in many homeschool circles must stop micromanaging their adult children's lives. It's just wrong on so many levels. On his website, he is now accepting stories from IKDG readers on how it affected their lives. Old news, I know, but it's a step and I can't help but feel proud of him for sincerely trying to understand.
View all 6 comments. I read this book when I was a broken-hearted nineteen-year-old. At the time the idea of kissing dating goodbye and doing it in the name of God seemed like a grand idea. I think it was largely because I had no dates to kiss goodbye, so it gave me some noble reason to beyond the fact that girls didn't like me and the fact that despite my liking them I was terrified of them. I think Harris has some very valid points as best as I can remember, but they are a bit extreme and maybe even unrealistic.
A I read this book when I was a broken-hearted nineteen-year-old. Anytime you set up a system of thought like that it can lead to feelings of guilt and legalism. I am prone to that sort of thing anyway, and I definitely dealt with it after trying my hardest to adopt the ideas in this book. If would feel guilty if I just liked a girl. In some way, I'm thankful that I went through this time in my life because I do think it has balanced out and saved me from just randomly chasing after girls for the fun of it.
On the other hand, I don't know that I would have ever done that anyway. I think this book is good for high school kids, but it's probably not very practical once you get older. I saw Joshua Harris speak a few years ago, and I knew it would be really chessy and youth groupy.
But you know what? He was a very good speaker, and everything he said was solid and scripturally sound. Oh, and he didn't talk about dating. In this book Joshua Harris tells you to, as the title suggests, to kiss dating goodbye, suggesting that here is a better way to approach romance than simple "dating" could ever provide. He urges you to ask yourself "what is your motivation in relationships, pleasing yourself or serving others?
This book does not say th In this book Joshua Harris tells you to, as the title suggests, to kiss dating goodbye, suggesting that here is a better way to approach romance than simple "dating" could ever provide. This book does not say that dating is sinful and explains that rejecting typical dating does not mean that you'll never spend time alone with a guy or girl. Under his suggestions for the many different reasons to read this book he suggests it if you: You just got out of a bad relationship, and you don't want to be hurt again.
Not dating sounds like a great idea. You just haven't felt comfortable with dating, and you're looking for alternatives. You're ina great dating relationship, and you're curious why anyone would choose not to date. This book is full of wonderful suggestions such as dating your wife or husband once you are married and many others.
Follow the Author
Feb 15, Altovise rated it it was amazing Shelves: I first heard of Josh Harris on a Christian radio station. I was driving and listening to him talk about the pitfalls of modern dating. I was so captivated by his message, that I sat in the car listening long after I arrived at my destination. I went and purchased this book the next day.
After the first chapter, I put it down. It was a lot to take in for an ex-feminist, control freak like me. I talked to my dad about it and decided to give the book a chance. My love life has never been the same.
- I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance.
- Customers who bought this item also bought;
I I first heard of Josh Harris on a Christian radio station. It taught me that if I had continued to give away my heart to lots of boyfriends, I may have nothing left to give my husband. I'm not saying that this concept is easy to accept. I had to stuggle to read this book without rolling my eyes. Joshua backs all of his writing up with Biblical text. He tells it like it is. This book is wonderful. Jun 16, Robyn rated it did not like it. And secondly, I still don't see even one small remote difference in "dating" versus "courtship".
It might as well be about "don't be a stripper, instead be an exotic dancer! Mar 04, Shantelle rated it really liked it Shelves: Has some good advice, for sure. I enjoyed it a second time around. Quotes from the Book By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the importance of putting love into action. Christ taught that love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the good of others and the glory of God.
True love is selfless. It gives; it sacrifices; it dies to its own needs. Christ also showed that true love is not measured or governed by feeling. Jesus' feelings were not the test of His love, nor were they His master. True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise. Your future spouse is created in the image of God.
Your marriage will be a sacred relationship. May 05, Katie rated it really liked it. The title of this book is different, which is why I picked it up in the first place. The book isn't so much about giving up dating as the title implies, it's more about not dating seriously until you are ready to get married, and to use the time gaining a strong relationships with good friends and especially with Heavenly Father. The author, Joshua Harris, really drives home the idea that singleness is not something to dread, but to realize it as a gift.
Aug 21, Megan rated it did not like it Shelves: I really didn't appreciate this book. I felt it did more to exacerbate the complicated terrain of navigating adolescence as a Christian than it helped. I could also go into the theological problems a book like this presents to evangelical America, but I won't bother. Nov 17, Terri Lynn rated it did not like it Shelves: Recently a Christian friend, knowing that we are Atheists, gave me some very weird books for my 19 year old daughter who is a single, Atheist student and was angry about the books.
I read through them because their weirdness was so fascinating. I was aware of this book because we homeschool just as the Harris family did Josh is a homeschool grad. Yes, this is very weird. I have no problems with young people going out in groups but if someone thinks this will keep them from having sex, I have s Recently a Christian friend, knowing that we are Atheists, gave me some very weird books for my 19 year old daughter who is a single, Atheist student and was angry about the books. I have no problems with young people going out in groups but if someone thinks this will keep them from having sex, I have some oceanfront property in a corn field in Nebraska I'd like to sell you.
Again, here is an author that wants for you to let an imaginary god plan your life for you. I noticed the groups his ads promote the book to- those who just got dumped, the loser type who can't even get a date to get dumped, those raised by followers of christian mythology who have scared them away from the opposite sex, religious fanatics- in other words, poor pathetic people who no one is into anyway.
Apparently this makes them feel better because they can pretend they didn't want to date anyway think Aesop's "sour grapes" fable and kissed it goodbye. It always fascinates me how many Christians will promote biblical this and that even though something is nowhere to be found in the bible. For example, there is NO prohibition on birth control or abortion in the bible though people certainly were practicing both when the bible was written. Likewise, Josh Harris wants to promote the "biblical way to find a spouse- courtship".
All I can say is- "Chapter and verse,please". There was NO courtship in the bible. The father sold the daughter to whomever he chose. One girl in the bible was raped and her dad chose to make peace with the rapist's family by marrying her to her rapist, saying all was made right by that. If Joshua Harris really wanted to get down with his biblical self and really get married the biblical way, his dad needed to go out and purchase a virgin for him, have her checked out to see if she is a virgin and can cook, clean, and weave rugs, and then have them marry with her behind a veil with him seeing her for the first time AFTER the ceremony.
The idea of courtship comes from the days of chivalry Lancelot trying to steal Arthur's wife , not the bible. Women were property to be sold. In fact, many of the men had multiple wives and concubines whores who lived in the family tents and were considered beloved by god. Since my daughter is no virgin and her dad and I have no desire to sell her off to anyone for money or camels, this won't work for us.
Jul 31, Kierstyn Elisabeth rated it did not like it. I desperately tried to enjoy it, understand it in entirety, and implement all of its concepts into my life. I could not do so. I have been raised Christian and have accepted the faith as my own these past few years. I am completely in love with Jesus Christ and I believe the Bible with all of my heart. My friend, who loaned me the book, adored it and uses it as the manual for her romantic life. My mother could not have been more pleased that I was reading it. I did not appreciate it for the most part.
I read that book and proceeded to date in high school. I dated a lot. And I had a blast doing it. I only dated guys who could, yes, be potential marriage partners—God-loving, hilarious, attractive, intelligent guys—but I did it because first and foremost we were friends and second: I went hiking, bowling, skating, to the movies, and many other fun activities with guys sometimes in a group and sometimes not. I am OK haha. I came out fine. If you end a courtship, and you are seriously thinking about marriage, your heart would get broken too. My friendship with my best friend a girl ended in high school, and crushed me ten times more than any breakup I had with a guy.
Relationships with ANYONE, of any means, are risk, and instead of trying to avoid that risk by following rules, we should embrace them and learn from each other. We should approach any decision we make with care and caution. To be smart about any relationship we pursue is important.
But I think everyone is uniquely and wonderfully created by God, so different things work for different people. Ok, tell that to the people who fell in love in high school and have lasting, happy marriages today. And is it really so black and white that we should completely eliminate an entire facet of our lives until a certain time just to avoid pain?
Jan 02, Tiffany rated it did not like it. I'm a firm believer that there is no cookie-cutter way of dating. Everyone's story is different, yet, this book came off as if it is the ONLY way to do things. I'm not saying that the book is completely wrong, it brings up a few good points, but ultimately I don't know that any book can tell you how to date or how to live. Apr 18, Sara rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: This book was on the unpopular list, probably because people couldn't imagine life with restrictions on dating or whatever.
I haven't read it in a while because my mom bought it and where she put it I don't know, but I love it, so there. I think everyone should read it and I think that the author was very brave to address such an issue. Apr 28, Eva rated it really liked it Shelves: I know a lot of people hate this book now, but I don't. I agree with quite a bit of it, actually. On the subject of emotional purity, though I'm not sure what to think about all that.
- I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Tim Challies;
- example dating headlines.
- I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance by Joshua Harris.
- dating a sports writer.
View all 10 comments. Jun 28, DeeAnn rated it liked it. Interesting idea and understandable concepts if you are in high school and college. I really think that people could benefit from the idea. However, for those who are college aged and higher, it's method of finding a spouse I find to be an exercise in immaturity and for those who are not in a high-volume, high opportunity situation like college is , you may find yourself incredibly lonely practicing these concepts.
I call it an exercise in immaturity because by avoiding dating altogether, you a Interesting idea and understandable concepts if you are in high school and college. I call it an exercise in immaturity because by avoiding dating altogether, you aren't really learning and practicing setting boundaries with the opposite sex and if you find your spouse in college high volume, high opportunity setting then you may not need them. But if you don't, dating post-college where you may meet someone only once at the library, the gym, grocery, pumping gas, church even this concept doesn't really apply.
Also, what it doesn't address is what actually happens which is that a guy and a girl hang out very often, go on walks and talk, essentially date but don't call it dating because that's too "risky" and comes with expectations. Again, exercising immaturity instead of learning boundaries, learning how much of your heart to reveal and what it is you actually like and are looking for. Again, great for high school--highly recommend, fantastic concepts since the overwhelming majority of people will NOT marry their high school sweetheart but if in college take a chance.
May 23, Holly rated it did not like it. I wanted to throw this book out of my car while driving at a neurotic speed. I rolled my eyes through the whole thing, and even now as im writing this review I read this whole book. Oh yes i did. And i could have said in two sentences what it took him and something pages to write! Women lock yourselves in the house, because you cant discern who to and not to date. Put on a diaper and ask your daddy to start spoon feeding you again cause I wanted to throw this book out of my car while driving at a neurotic speed.
Put on a diaper and ask your daddy to start spoon feeding you again cause you cant do anything without him. BAM theres your book joshey Dec 02, Chris rated it it was amazing. I now view every woman as another mans future wife. These items are shipped from and sold by different sellers. Buy the selected items together This item: Sold by littlecottagebooks and ships from Amazon Fulfillment.
Ships from and sold by Amazon. Customers who bought this item also bought. Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. Say Hello to Courtship. I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World. Multnomah Books; Updated edition April 1, Language: I'd like to read this book on Kindle Don't have a Kindle? Share your thoughts with other customers.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Joshua Harris: ovahiryripen.tk: Books
Write a customer review. Read reviews that mention joshua harris dating goodbye kissed dating opposite sex highly recommend high school boy meets meets girl great book many people joshua harris must read waterbrook multnomah years ago years old get to know young people men and women ready for marriage brothers and sisters.
Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. Do NOT give this book to teens! I am a youth pastor and reject this book as helpful. I read it as a year-old and it skewed my view for years as to how to find a spouse.
I'm 29 now and happily married, though at age 24 had a relationship end horribly, with unneeded and drawn out pain afterward, in part I attribute to the teachings of this book that were the foundations of that relationship. Also a bad book for teens: I am all for Christian purity.
I am a youth pastor as I said. When this book emphasizes "be pure and holy", I couldn't agree more! BUT, when this book teaches that to every person you date you give a portion of your heart, I whole-heartedly disagree! Thus, the natural conclusion is for any thinking teen "I must only date one person! EITHER never allowing yourself to date someone until you know you can marry them which is the real point of dating, isn't it? The fundamental basis for this book is flawed.
My entire generation of Christians have been scared to date and thus struggling to find spouses because of books like this one and "When God Writes Your Love Story. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. There are better books on Christian relationships than Harris' book. I was reluctant to write a review until I learned Harris himself is now indirectly involved in a sex scandal that caused him to step down from his pastoral work. I felt some unease about his message, and after I decided one day to google "Josh Harris Sex Scandal", I now I feel compelled to discourage Christians from buying into what he is selling.
As I read the book, I thought to myself, "this reads like some kid in high school writing stuff down and who can't think coherently. I knew it was scam book, and at the time of its publication it was the latest rage in some churches. One zealous loudmouth at church preached it as "God's way" for everyone. He and his girl friend followed it to the letter, evangelized with it for a while until they got divorced 4 years later. Should Christians Kiss dating goodbye? The Bible doesn't give a simple formula for courtship.
If anything I've been struck by the variety of ways God unites couples, and sometimes its pretty sordid. God had Hosea marry a whore, God killed Ezekiel's cherished wife, God united Isaac with Rebecca through a miracle, Jacob fell in love with Rachel's beauty, God had Esther herded into a kings harem, Solomon had wives and concubines, and Ruth spruced herself up and laid down at Boaz's feet while he was about to sleep. Godly men like Jeremiah and Daniel did not find wives. The unspoken implication of Harris' book is that if one is not happily married, one somehow failed to do things God's way, and God's way is Harris' courtship model.
The Bible doesn't really say there is a method, except to say it is ultimately by God's blessing, and to make decisions wisely and not to be yoked with an unbeliever. I taught a Bible study to college age students. Ironically by the end of the school year the numbers had risen and I had an abundance of year-old girls attending. I expressed my critical view of Harris' book and warned them that God doesn't promise happily ever after.
They should simply live a pure life because it pleases God, not because it would land them prince charming as Harris book insinuates.