Why is dating so hard now

He was 35 and never had a really girlfriend. For over two years we had this on and off thing , I held on to hope he would change So I say all this to point out Maybe someone else with some kids but then collectively we turn into the Brady bunch. I suppose the inevitable baggage someone gathers by their 30s really limits potential partners. Personally I have no issue dating a man who is divorced with kids. The Bradys might have pulled it off well but I think real life would be a lot different with exes and shared custody and everything that comes along with it.

The point here being theres always someone out there that can fit your specific situation. There are lots of like extremely angry men or men with chronic unemployment. Yea neither of those things sound appealing in a partner. There are very few single guys my age. Those that are date women in their 30s. I read an analysis recently that showed younger men often get left behind in dating because older men are able to date women in their 20s, creating a shortage of something women to date something men https: I think the reverse of this is that many women in their 30s and 40s will also get left behind because there is a shortage of single something and something men.

Also, combine this with the fact that men in their 30s are just simply more likely to be married, or, divorced and probably done with commitment for a while. So, you're not doing anything "wrong" per se. The reality has just shifted. Maybe re-think your strategies and maybe even open yourself up to guys who may not seem to be your "type. There are guys out there.

I didn't say it was common, just that older men skew the situation. So, that's a significant chunk of the relationship population. I'm not exclusive at the moment, but my friends and I are close to 40, and most of the women we are seeing are in their 20s some are in their 30s, but most 20s. And, I'm not arguing the rightness or wrongness or fairness of any of this. I'm just saying the dynamics of dating over 30 are different than dating in your 20s. And, my anecdote is just my anecdote. How exactly are you finding women in their 20s to date?

I'm 32 and feel like the 20 somethings are a bit harder to relate to, and moreover I rarely see them on my apps. Who knows if the relationship will anyway. And the vast majority would probably be mail order brides. But, it isn't common just look at the average 40 year old and that will also give insight into why that is lol. Didn't read all comments so not sure if it was mentioned or if OP will even see this but maybe change it up.

You're in your 30's and you've probably settled on a "type" of man you find most appealing but maybe try to change it up and look into men that don't necessarily fall into your usual type category. Who knows, maybe it'll work out for you. I have tried to change it up. I once was not someone willing to date someone with a kid, but I have come to the realization that they need love too, and I have been more open.

I really think that the problem lies in the early stages of the process. Like another poster said, women seem to think they can do better on-line than they would seeing the same men in person. This leads to them not giving a guy a chance due to a profile photo when in person they would probably think the guy was very attractive. Next, the txting is a problem.

Guys are dumb, and we think about sex all the time. Not everything we say in a txt is about sex, so cut us some slack. You have zero contextual clues about a txt's meaning. So take control and ask clarifying questions. If a guy is truly an asshole, it will be evident. Don't just discount someone because they are a shitty txter.

Txting doesn't tell you anything, and talking on the phone only tells a bit more. Quit screwing around and go meet them. If they are interested in you they will show it. They will txt you, call you, and want to meet. If they don't respond, don't waste your time. The same is true for you- if you are interested, txt them, call them, meet them. The bottom line is this: Respond to some of the guys that you might not think are attractive enough in their photos.

You will probably like them better in person. Then, actually meet them. I actually prefer to meet a guy right away maybe a day or 2 of talking and schedule the date. I met a great guy off POF once and we started talking that day, and met that night. In the end when we both decided to give each other a shot and be exclusive months after going out a lot, it didn't work out.

Why is dating so hard these days? : lostgeneration

Then it sounds like you are doing everything right. It's just a numbers game at this point. Keep going on dates and eventually you will meet someone who can't live without you I agree with the comment that you are doing everything right. Just remember, dating is a numbers game. It sounds like you are putting pressure for long term relationship to early.

Why is Dating is So Hard? Here are 5 Reasons and What you Can do to Find Your Person

I had those because I had a few guys who were nothing like their photos. I have seen catfish and I don't want that to happen. Not putting pressure for LTR too early either, I know those things take time. I am not looking to rush into anything.

Find Him | Attract Him | Become Soul Mates for Life

Did that one with an ex and it didn't work out at all. Honestly, I have a lot of luck just meeting people right off the bat. If we're able to chat a bit and have similar interests, I invite them out for a coffee. I get to see them in person ASAP no catfishing! Plus, meeting for coffee vs. Yes it's harder now because your sexual market value is decreasing. Men who want to get married and have families aren't looking for women of your age. Older men in their late 30s and 40s have probably already been married and have a resistance to doing it again.

But it doesn't mean it's over. You can find someone and it's just a lot harder. But don't lose hope, lol. Not sure why it made me laugh. So super depressing, but so super true. I think it was the same pool of men 10 and 20 years ago.

Except now I know more and get to be pickier. Also, it's more fun to date now that I know my preferences. I really don't have a hard time finding people to date That said, last night I went on a first date with a guy who I can't stop thinking about. He's also recently divorced such as myself. There is a cohort of recently divorced people who definitely want to remarry. I think the people who have been married may have better relationship skills than someone who has only dated no significant ltrs, etc. What I'm saying is, it's a horse apiece. Date and marry younger and risk not knowing yourself, or your partner not knowing themselves?

Wait and date older and have a more filtered pool but know what you want and have better skills to make it work? There's always just keeping company with Reddit. If you're going to date then it'll have to be a different approach than what you used when you were Everybody wants to get with you when you're 20 which is a big pro but the con is now at 37 there's significantly less people interested. Pretty much sums it up. Where do you live generally? Online dating as an option sucks, trying to meet people in real life doing activities works out better, even things like speed dating.

A big issue too is that people in your age group also often aren't looking for marriage and if they were guys that you'd want to marry generally are married by 36, while divorced guys aren't really looking to repeat the process. It feels like people are pretty generally jaded these days and aren't looking seriously for a long term relationship or at least have flaws to make it unlikely that they will be able to sustain one.

I live outside Boston like about 5min north of the city. It is where I grew up. I was looking for a guy to enjoy baseball games with. Funny this was the top google link when I searched 'Boston good dating scene? Found this too in the top 5: Get off online dating for starters, meet people at sports bars at least if you're interested in baseball.

You might even want to consider relocating. I have tried both online and offline. I have had good success on POF but just have yet to find the one. I don't want to go to a bar by myself. Though I'm not sure you can say you've had success and still be looking for the one Everyone dating puts too much emphasis on themselves.

See how they respond in turn. Ghosting is so incredibly immature. I know this is gonna get down voted, if you do please post your dissenting opinion in a calm and even manner like the below. They are looking to get married and raise families. The men in their 30s seeking female companionship are looking for wives who are likely to bear them a couple of kids.

Your options are just greatly reduced and your work is that much harder. I have always been under the strong impression that I may not be able to have kids. I am more than willing to date a guy who has a kid. I have met nice guys but it just didn't work out. Rather to encourage you to push harder for your goals and with urgency!

Once you hit forty it gets a LOT harder. I have a handful of male friends in their 30s looking for women in their 20s. Sums up why the power dynamic shifts around this age, men are in demand as women really push for commitment. Dating's a crap shoot for everybody once you get past a certain age. Everything left is a reject. Nearly everybody and I include myself in this assessment is damaged or inferior goods. I have a few male friends in their late 30s who would make amazing partners.

One looks like Chris pine. All of them without kids and have not been married before. I blame social media and online dating. I feel the social isolation of social media and using online dating sites as a way to find your partner like shopping for a top is whats gone wrong. If you think you're a reject. But there are still normal people out there who just don't want to couple up.

Meh, everyone starts getting divorced in their 30s, so you should have a large pool available to you still depending on where you live. I feel like that still falls under the category of "damaged goods". For people in their 20's it's issues from childhood, student debt, fear of commitment.

As people age their baggage mostly just changes. I'm not trying to say that divorcees are any less worthy of dating than anyone who isn't one, just that they share that same "We're probably going to have to work through some extra shit if you date me" category. The key thing I've been trying to agree with from the main response was that this category isn't universally desired. Otherwise pairing up wouldn't be so difficult. You have to find that special person who can empathise with your specific burden and with whom you can grow together and find happiness. I know plenty of amazing and attractive people that are still single in their 30s.

And I've met plenty of crazy, uninteresting people that got married way too early. Hell man, my own sister was married twice in her 20s. She's the type of person that when she gets in a relationship she will basically change her whole personality and interests to bend to the other person. There's no way in hell you can tell me that just because some got married before 30, that somehow they are the best of the best. Some of the people just have no sense of identity outside of a relationship.

I think the biggest obstacle that people in their 30s have is that they are really set in their ways. And so a lot of people while wanting to be in a relationship, aren't willing to compromise. This is the money right here. In general if both parties were more keen on trying to perhaps alter their own lifestyles to better incorporate their partner I think things would be a lot better.

I know I have my habits and my routine but you can bet for the right woman I'd modify my shit to make sure it's not all about me. At 31 I'm just finding it increasingly difficult to just find women who are down to earth, enjoy good company and don't want to bullshit or play games. I was in two relationships in my twenties, one took 3. I'm not going to say I'm damaged or broken but I know what heartbreak is and what it feels like to have your heart crushed, but I've also been fortunate to know love.

Finding a person who has had the same level of experience or at least understands that you have to go through some shit to really understand what you want is important to me. I'd rather find a woman who has had their heart broken because I can guarantee you that they will recognize love and be able to bounce back That's at least the way I see it. I have to disagree, though only based on personal experience. Found my SO when I was 32 and they were 36, through online dating. Our relationship is in many respects healthier than previous ones bc of personal growth, better understanding of ourselves and our quirks, and improved communication skills.

Those things take time. The singles I know, male and female, are by no means more damaged than the people in a relationship.


  • Why is Dating is So Hard? Here are 5 Reasons and What you Can do to Find Your Person;
  • 24 year old dating a 43 year old;
  • Why Dating Has Become So Hard.

They have their backstory, just like everybody else. We're all damaged goods to some degree. That's what life does. Can relate to this so much. They either want a fuckbuddy or a pen pal. What is with these guys that want to text for a month??!! Quit wasting my time: It used to be that people would really make an effort to write a nice profile describing themselves as to appeal to people's interests. Now with the advent of smart phone apps people are more prone to just uploading photos and be damned with trying write up a nice bio with your thumbs on your screen.

I found Plenty of Fish was a pretty reliable site in finding dates back then, even if only a few. At least we both tried to make it work. Now that the apps have really taken over, it's been harder to meet people for longer than one date, and i'm completely over it. I agree, but it surprises me that people insist on using dating sites after realizing how much they suck. Dating sites are NOT the only way to meet someone. In fact, they're one of the worst ways to meet someone because they force you to compete with thousands of other people.

Join a Meetup group, a social club, a volunteer organization, or something similar. I've done both online dating and offline dating, and I can tell you this: People you meet on Tinder are looking for a relationship. People you meet offline are looking for a relationship with YOU. In my experience, that makes all the difference in the world. Dating is always tough, but don't make it harder by getting sucked in to these soul-destroying apps. It's called the wall and it's when you become less desirable to men. It doesn't mean you're unattractive or anything like that, but it is a big red flag for many men and in cultures.

Men will think, why is she still single? If she was in a ltr why did it end? If she hasn't had kids yet then why? Guys like me were left behind by women in their 20s. So when we reach our 30s, it's no surprise we don't want anything to do with the same women who ignored us. Men who are good catches never get far enough to date online. I recommend only meeting men in person.

Maybe going to a matchmaker. And dating significantly down in looks, education, and income. I tried doing the dating off the dating sites and I had just as much bad luck off them as I did on them. Girls hook up all the time in their 20s, you expect men to settle down now with a girl whos been with so many guys and is 30 now? Single for the 1st time since I was Ex is 41 and attractive at 41, just the marriage fell apart. I didn't have a great time dating in my 20s. Lots of hookups and flings, but few gals were interested in LTRs with me because I didn't have as much to offer as the year old guys who were buying them everything or letting them live in their houses for free or had a spare car they could drive.

Now I'm that guy. The last GF I had at 25 before marrying was an 8, but had a kid by the guy mentioned above, but he felt himself too good for her. She cheated on me with him when he decided to come back around and I kicked her to the curb. We recently got back in touch and she's spent the past 10 years looking for the next best thing and hasn't married, but would like to. She complains now that she is "past her prime" and guys aren't interested in her anymore.

She is no longer an 8. Age is showing smoked about 10 years which really adds on the age and she hasn't progressed in her career at all. So without looks, or status, why would I be interested? Just my two cents. Also, meet guys away from OLD. That crap is complete garbage. I did Match at 25 and had decent success, but met my ex-wife in a restaurant and I don't do OLD anymore. I'll take my chances chatting up a gal in public and going from there.

Get out and meet somebody the old-fashioned way. OLD is too fast-paced and impersonal. Hard to determine if you like somebody when your inbox is full of bait from others.

I'll take one gal at a time, thanks. But it seems like most men around me are starving for a family. Dating a dude who already got that out of their system and wants a vas would be a blessing. Lmao at some of these comments. Men turn in to saggy, lumpy faced, grey haired, limp dicked old people at the same age and rate as women do. Your career and independence is probably sexy to some people, not everyone is looking for a baby maker. I think it has less to do with middle aged men perpetuating some myth and more to do with the fact that women up until late 30s generally experience a load of privilege in the dating world, to the point where they rarely get to experience rejection and generally have no real issues to speak of but after say mid-thirties women lose alot of that privledge and begin experiencing dating closer to how men experience it their entire lives.

Alot of older women get disillusioned and bitter about how they aren't getting the same treatment they used to and that leads to the sexual market value stuff you see in this thread. If they are white, neuerotypical, and conventionally attractive. That's not even most women. I'm talking more about the idea that age makes older men attractive to women, and men do not lose their attractiveness. The sexual market value talk is just red pill nonsense. Hot men, Hot women. The idea that all women have it super easy in the dating world and men inherently have it way harder has always felt to me like a way to avoid the obvious.

Pretty people have it easier when it comes to dating, regardless of gender. These are mainly couples and single friends of the same age. George Clooney is not your average guy and even he was more attractive 20 years ago. In regards to fertility, women are best before age 35 and men before age Health wise, in general, women actually maintain better health while aging and live, on average, years longer.

So unless a woman wants to risk widowhood at an early age, she would be better off with men closer to her own age. On the other hand, thinking of several women I know of who lost their husbands in their middle age, mostly due to disease Maybe there is a benefit to marrying much older. Men turn in to saggy, lumpy faced, great haired, limp dicked old people at the same age and rate as women do. Never bothered until college, then I felt I was too late in college and put it off. Now it's worse with no experience. Like finding your first job at 26 with only a GED, why bother I think a lot of people treat dating like another job.

Like, you're supposed to be meeting people and having fun and finding chemistry. Whenever I'm on dating apps and I'm just not motivated to talk to any matches, I take a step back, delete everything, then try again when I'm enthusiastic again. Don't let anyone tell you only male models and millionaires get dates My plain-ass friends get plain-ass girls.

If you're not getting dates you're shooting out of your league. Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This comment was inspired by xkcd I think the people that say "we must have something in common" are risking staying single for a looonnnngggggg time. We like each other is enough in common. I don't need you to be with me for my hobbies. Hell, I like that my husband has different hobbies.

It gives us more to talk about. We have some shared hobbies--cooking, travel, anime--but many that aren't shared. He's a gamer and also likes tinkering with things computers, art projects and I enjoy hiking and creative writing. I dunno about you guys, but I find that with all the typical Millennial economic problems, I have basically zero interest in sex, and I live with my girlfriend of two years.

We have sex maybe 4 times a year, and it's pretty depressing when we meet up with our couple friends, because everyone is bitter and the conversation is always how each and every one of us hates our jobs, even those that make six figures, the lack of affordable housing, etc. I secretly asked the other couples' men if they were having sex and most said similar stuff, maybe once a month or two.

Anyway, just thought it might be relevant to the dating conversation as a whole. If I was single again, I wouldn't even bother looking for someone. A lot of people are miserable being single, but I can say that being in a relationship is no amazing picnic either, life is just as dreary, and if you're thinking "yeah, but at least there's sex", well, you might be in for a surprise.

This has been my experience so far. The majority of my older relatives talk about how they dated a whole slew of people when they were younger before eventually settling with one person. Now everyone I know has an average of just a few dates or one relationship every couple years at best, and the sex is abysmal. It's like a massive self-imposed cap on population growth, and the few of us who've retained our high libidos are along for the ride.

We love one another greatly. Our relationship is not the reason, it's everything external which has killed our libidos. When you're working 60 hour weeks, drowning in bills and bad news each day about your generation and its economic hell, and constantly under pressure to purchase a home but never able to afford anything in your area, real wages down and falling, all those things, it just saps the desire to fuck right out of you. Hopefully things will get better for you two. My husband and I went through a dry spell during one or two of our more awful years.

If your life situation improves, the dry spell ends, I promise. I think the main reason is probably technology that is what has changed the most. And the second reason is probably the economy. We evolved in smaller communities without access to crazy technologies like Tinder, Easy to access HD porn, video games, online entertainment, heaps of fast food delivered etc.

There is no way that such an easy outlet for sexual desire won't reduce the desire for relationships with other actual humans and fuck up dopamine and other chemicals in the brain. Video games and other online entertainment Netflix etc is causing heaps of people to become shutins and interact less with their communities and socialize I am definitely guilty of this too. Food technology is literally designed to become addictive, and because of aforementioned entertainment people don't exercise anymore also combined with sit down jobs.

And finally the economy plays some part, hard to feel good about bringing a girl home to your parents or cramped as fuck sharehouse with 5 people in a 3 bedder that is a fucking pigsty. Besides the fundamental problem of not having the disposable income to date it seems like we've entered this age where "networking" and "brand-building" have bled into social and dating life and that's just "normal" now. Most social not just romantic or sexual relationships are now conducted in a businesslike "sleek startup" fashion. It's dehumanizing and only emphasizes growing class disparities.

Maintaining an attractive appearance takes time, and money, both of which are things this generation is profoundly short on. Before internet apps like tinder, they tend to settle. Now they can seek the perfect male or female. For girls, tinder is chatroulette for mobile. For guys, tinder is only for captain Ahab. We have the answer here folks. Internet dating gives women limitless options of men—that doctor or lawyer is only a swipe away. I'm a man, and find myself ignoring women on dating sites who are juuuust not quite into the same shit I am.

I'm trying to stop it, but at least I can share that I've noticed it happening. It's a hard mentality of, "What if tomorrow there's a new account, and it's better? I hate to use the term "better", but that's exactly what the mentality is, even if that's not the word I think. We've been conditioned to evaluate and rank people because of these things. We're part of the algorithms. What you do is go on a double date, your parents and his parents go with both of you. Assuming you are a female, I don't think too many guys care.

Last few girls I dated lived at home. Especially in your age range, there are tons of people that still live at home. Trust me, guys care if your parents are conservative and crazy and Christian if you want to complete the trio of doom. I'm very glad I got married a long time ago when I was younger and Tinder wasn't a thing. The dating scene where I live now, going by what my friends experience, is pretty ruthless. The rise in dating apps allows people to get really picky and discard people in a second. I also have somewhat different values in terms of family and public service than much of our society does so, if I had to rely on Tinder, I'd have several cats by now.

My Mom got sick some years back, and I returned home to take care of her. Not that my Mom walks like a toddler and if she falls can break just about any bone in her body. What men should be doing, what women should be doing. I used to care. I just want to say that it's great what you're doing for your mom. Being a caregiver is very difficult and there's no "reward" for doing it. Advice to those who have diabetes?

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Or it may one day be your kid lamenting about their lost life on Reddit. I give a shit about the family. Also, I work too. It makes me uncomfortable to say shit like that. Jobs change, looks fade. Fortunes are won and lost randomly at times. Ok, I get that. I say I live with my family to take care of my Mom.

Which is completely accurate. I can so relate. My parents need to be taken care of, but somehow when that gets worked into the conversation it gets boiled down to a weird, living with your parents still situation. Despite the fact that I make more money and have a well off career than the lady, more than enough to take care of myself and my parents, but hey who's being judged?

Another thing to point out is the obesity epidemic. Most people are overweight and some insane percentage are obese or morbidly obese. Fat people are always going to have it worse for dating prospects, or just not date at all. The fatter you are the more likely you are to have severe health problems too. Nobody wants to date unattractive people, the small percentage of people a healthy weight has dramatically shrunken the pool of people who are even average looking. One more thing is the difference between dating in high school, dating in college, and dating after college.

In high school, everyone knows each other, sometimes since elementary school. Everyone is part of a community and there is a lot of socializing in class and on school grounds. You might as well be dead, because life is truly empty. You have very little free time. You continuously become less attractive as your body prepares to jump immediately from 25 to This is something my husband and I work very hard to try and restore. I am very fat, rare medical disorder etc, and I am probably very fortunate I was able to marry, I agree it is a disease of poverty.

I agree with you about the pervasive lowered standard of living and there's so much bad that has become acceptable. I have noticed people are getting fatter, and my supersized body that made people stare 20 years ago barely brings a glance now. There's far more large people now. And 3 of those 4 things are tied to the suicidal levels of immigration we have.

So why isn't that addressed? More people have given up because now everyone has access to more options due to high connectivity, which only means an increased competition pool for those without highly desirable traits. Also I realize how, in the long run, cold approaching would end up becoming a huge waste of time and so I'll probably get one of those realistic dolls and use them just to satisfy my urges. Honestly cold approaching is almost suicide in this climate. I feel like it's a net negative and unless im attractive im simply harassing her.

It's not just harassment women are afraid of. Many of us have low self esteem. So when a guy approaches us out of nowhere, we don't believe it's because he's actually attracted to us--he must have some ulterior motive so we don't want to risk giving him a chance. Random dude approaches me, okay-looking, seems interested: Man I'm 27 divorced, great job with extensive travel, and absolutely no hope of ever landing a permanent girl.

Back to my 9 dollar IPAs I go. Extensive travel makes it really difficult to maintain a relationship. I've been down that road before. Classic dilemma I realized after my first year of my career. I wanted to play some PC games, needed to buy a decent PC and games, but no money. Now, I have shit ton of money, but no time.

I might be homeless any time now. I don't blame girls for finding homelessness unattractive, I'd find it unattractive in them and I'm a guy. This isn't an issue for people that marry young, because they have the support of their partner and their partner's income in these situations. People have forgotten marriage is about supporting each other through good and BAD times; Not what amount of money, or hot sex the other can provide in exchange. People on this sub seem to think if someone is broke you're supposed to dump their ass right away.

When I first started posting here, my husband had been looking for a job for a long time with no luck. I expected sympathy for his situation but instead I got a lot of guys telling me I was being a doormat and my husband was taking advantage of me. They were saying this about the guy who was cooking, cleaning, running all the errands, etc while he looked for a job.

I think if you only go into a relationship with the attitude of "what can this person do for me? For me it's because I'm too shallow. However, on the actual dates, every single one of them had used old pictures of themselves and they were actually obese or morbidly obese. I just didn't feel any physical attraction to to them. I've given up and have accepted that it's my fault for being shallow. I do know a few women girls who act like this. These are the ones who never grew up beyond high school. Their lives are filled with drama. They want the hottest guys and have high standards, but are so desperate for a guy's attention that they start dating jerks without thinking first if he's actually worth dating.

Then they bitch and complain "where are all the good guys?!? They won't use their brains. The really stupid ones end up reproducing. Among my friends, there's a number of happy couples. One of my good friends has a boyfriend. She wants kids, marriage, a house and the white picket fence, but she's been in school for so long that it's making them wait to start a life together. Some of us, like myself, just want a normal guy. I actually find a lot of so-called "average" or "nerdy" guys to be attractive.

But it's really hard to tell what a guy's intentions are. I'm a pretty modest person but apparently simply putting my picture on a dating site shows I want dick pics. Everytime I tried to just stick it out with a guy and see where it went, I was unhappy. To finish my point, I really just think guys who talk like the way your comment was written don't realize that all women aren't like that.

The ones who act that way are the ones who get all the attention and give everyone a bad name. I'm honestly curious, why focus on these girls? Sure there's plenty of crazies out there. But my social group is pretty big and I make a point to only spend my time on people who are fairly drama free. Then again I live near a huge city so maybe it's easier around here. How do you expect any of these issues to be solved if we don't speak openly?

It's been back and forth like crazy. I think of catcalling as an example where a small number of men create a disproportionate amount of negative interactions between men and women and so women make it an issue understandably and men may respond emotionally feeling target or generalized. I think this is a situation where guys project and think its a good move cause they are wanna see nudes.

If I had a nickel for every whining MGTOW post complaining about how women these days are getting too much attention and won't date at their level I'd be a damn millionaire by now. It always boils down to the same thing. You are absolutely right about that. Perpetually single men need to start realizing that they have a choice to tolerate or reject shitty behavior from women or men.

You cannot control how others act I developed and enforced standards beyond looks. I learned to say no. When I started enforced some goddamn standards, dating stopped being a chore, started being kinda fun, and culminated in meeting my current SO of 2 years. All these neckbeards who haven't been laid in years if ever talking about women in their 30s like they're expired milk, or how the women who meet their ridiculous standards don't want them.

Gee, I can't imagine why some 23 year old supermodel wouldn't want an overweight misogynist who lives with his parents. A lot of these guys will spend their entire lives bitter and angry and I have no sympathy. I'm 34 and the girls my age are "mehh" So just easier to stash my cash and enjoy life, travel, hobbies, etc. Hmm, I kinda excluded myself from dating ease. So like for me I have a few good circles of friends, but I've just never had any intimate relationships from them.

They all have a lot of couples included though. I'm also pretty weird from an outsider point of view. I listen to weird ass music, wear band shirts sometimes, practice harsh singing, write stories, and just stuff that would be off putting to the more grounded person. I'm not particularly picky, but rather admitting I don't create many opportunities for myself to meet similar women. Now that I'm old, the only choices available are going to be a single moms who want me to clean up their mess and b women who've given it up with little to no effort to guys who'll make me work for it.

I've also noticed that as time marches on, it seems womens' expectations have become more and more absurd. Thanks, but no thanks. Overall, "dating" or trying to date has felt like the exact same type of torture as trying to find a job. It's all of the exact same types of bullshit. Not sure how to put this delicately, but you are quite right that as time goes on the dating pool simultaneously has more baggage AND has higher expectations.

I'm fortunate enough to have a low-maintenance woman with minimal baggage. Hopefully I will never have to go back into the shark tank that is the dating pool, but I'd definitely be looking at younger women because of my observations in the first paragraph. At least dating is optional as compared to working. Being single might not be much fun, but being unemployed is a big fucking problem. That is an observation I had recently which I still don't understand.

You are over 30 and your expectations are even higher than in your 20s when you couldn't find someone then what makes you think you will now? If a business can't sell something for years they don't suddenly jack up the price they lower it but it seems like the opposite happens in dating which is especially puzzling given how their own value tends to drop past 30 or they had a few kids already. Most women don't see them having kids a actually a negative for them to readjust thier standards imo. I think its more of a take it or leave it thing.

She will find some guy eventually in thier reasoning i believe. Of course it will be hard. I've pretty much given up based on probability. It's already nearly impossible to find someone sexually compatible with me ignoring all other things. But then on top of that it's damn near impossible to find someone who I like and also who likes me. Most people I meet I can get along with, but I'm not looking to "get along" with someone, I'm looking for someome that I appreciate the kind of person who when I think about them makes me smile because they don't just get me but also have chemistry with me.

And I've never actually met another person who had more than minor chemistry with me, nevermind dating someone like that. Even on dating sites people who "match" only tend to do so superficially rather than having compatible personalities. The only real attraction of a relationship for me is maybe some sex and maybe even a single person on this planet giving the slightest shit about me. I honestly don't find many Millennial women my age mid-thirties to be particularly interesting or enjoyable people to form relationships with.

Incredibly narcissistic, backbiting, and nasty. The resentment and bitterness you run into in the upper 20's lower 30's crowd is quite fascinating. Well What I can say is that most guys I know are not really getting anywhere with girls.

Want to add to the discussion?

Most girls have their pick of a guy, irl or online. Most guys I know either have to focus on school or give up. Women rarely date down so any guy not in college and making decent money is out of sight. Most women are in college so most men are not in view as potential partners.

Not to mention the other requirements like being tall and looking a certain way.


  1. Why is Dating So Hard Today??
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  8. Most men are not being picked. Men not picked have to cope somehow. I cope with studying all day and playing games on the weekend. This thread really blew up. I see a lot of angry young men quoting the OKCupid statistics that are now basically common knowledge amongst reddit users. I'm well aware of those statistics. I think that plays a part of it. I think that's a small part of it though.

    I'm especially dubious because those statistics rely on pure ratings of attractiveness, and for men, we're not as beautiful as women. There are more things women consider in their evaluation of a partner. Men are much more inclined to base their evaluations exclusively on physical attractiveness. That's just one possibly counter point off the top of my head. I think the issue is more the types of people like myself who have basically given up due to the shithole economy. Technology has made dating less fun, on top of contributing to even more wealth polarization and perhaps polarization in dating options as well.

    The world is overpopulated and I blame that first and foremost, which leads to the shitty economy. Online stuff is secondary IMO although certainly eliminates fun and is so not a substitute for real life. A lot of guys who whine about not being able to get dates always crack me up a little bit. Certain parts of the manosphere you hear men mansplaining to women about the types of guys they should be attracted to. You're asking women to do something that doesn't come naturally to them; to be attracted to someone they aren't attracted to.

    Women, just like men, are either attracted to someone, or they aren't. Some bullshit internet lectures aren't going to change anything. I saw another good post here about the collapse of communities. I wish I lived in a vibrant community. As a shittily employed atheist living alone, I hardly participate in anything. I'm basically a god damn ghost. If I killed myself, nobody would notice for a week or more I estimate. I talk to my family about once or twice a week. A one man band and that's really what I'm comfortable with now. And I think there's a kind of beautiful irony in dating collapsing as the population continues to soar.

    I see it as the species naturally correcting for overpopulation. If everyone here was pumping out babies, we'd all be worse off. But yea, women are bad because of their biology! That's the real problem! It's not an overpopulated hellpit of this planet we call earth, the 20th century concept of endless growth which is gradually slowing down, global warming, organized religion, the collapse of communities, collapse of people's ability to earn a living, collapse of marriage, no.

    Well what's your take on it? I largely agree with above poster, pretty interested in all the responses in this thread. Well I have had a lot of life experience, plus time to think as I have spent extensive amounts of time unemployed. I am a bitter old soul, but these whiny reddit men piss me off. Like most problems today. Going out takes money? I am married and have been nearly 20 years but I feel for all you folks.

    If someone doesn't have life go by the "life script" hell you can't even find a friend nonetheless a partner. I wrote an ad, and ended up with a husband but that was in the days of newspaper dating and the internet had just begun.