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The first 20 times I read it, it didn't make sense. But then it started to sink in. Before you can take something, you must allow it to be given. In other words, create the circumstances for that which you want , and then it will arise naturally, effortlessly. If you want to be loved, be the kind of person who is lovable. If you want commitment, be the kind of person who's worthy of committing to. And I loved the spirit of the Tao Te Ching.
Observe the world as it is. Notice the greater wave that's flowing through things, and flow with it. Don't try to swim against the current. Swim with the current, and the universe will aid you along you path. It all dovetailed nicely with the yoga practice I had just taken up. You can think independently of circumstance. Pain happens but suffering is optional.
The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible
The world is perfect as it is. There was so much complementarity between Buddhist, Hindu, yogic and Taoist philosophy. At the same time, I am trained as a scientist. Having written a neuroscience thesis at Harvard and getting an MD from UC San Diego means I'm not entirely comfortable floating in feel-good generalities that are difficult to apply, as beautiful and soothing as the Eastern teachings are. I want my readers to have something solid to hold on to as well.
Something you can apply in the real world. So to create tools that elevate you while being totally practical and down-to-earth, I decided to combine the two big influences in my life, namely, Eastern wisdom and Western science. The result is The Tao of Dating: The goal of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible is to give you timeless spiritual principles that you can use to empower you and make your life more fulfilling, in the dating realm and beyond.
Add to that the scientific principles of why people behave the way they do, and it all starts to make a lot of sense. Both ways of thinking are near and dear to my heart. After three science degrees from Harvard, UCSD and Cambridge, three dissertations, and being a chemistry teaching assistant for three years, I'm soaked in this science stuff like a fish is soaked in seawater. At the same time, nothing has influenced my life quite as much as the principles of Taoist philosophy and Eastern wisdom.
I'm absolutely convinced that they help you become a happier, calmer, more empowered and more fulfilled human being. They've already worked for me and thousands of my male readers. So if you're more scientifically-inclined, I want The Tao of Dating to be your introduction to useful spiritual principles. If you're more spiritually-inclined, I want the book to be a gentle primer on the science of why people do the things they do.
You'll be surprised sometimes at how science and spirituality arrive at the same principles. Valid paths to truth often end up converging. Inside the dating male's mind from a real insider. In addition, I wrote a dating book for men three years ago. It was targeted at educated, affluent, spiritual men with a desire to be the best they could be in life.
Since then, I have been privy to their needs, wants, challenges, frustrations, successes and aspirations when it comes to dating women. I have heard from thousands of them in letters, seminars, polls, consultations, and conversations. And by now I have a pretty good idea of what makes them sing hint: And as a bona-fide guy with over three decades of training under my belt, I've been on some dates myself and have some observations to offer.
As a certified clinical hypnotherapist and personal change specialist, I've been through a lot of self-help workshops, seminars and books. Collectively, they have cost me tens of thousands of dollars. I've noticed that the products that work are the ones that involve the reader in the learning process. It's not just enough to give you useful information -- any book can do that. What's important is to get you to feel the principles in your bones.
Because that's when you're compelled to change your behavior and get some real change. And that's why I've got exercises in the text ranging from the simple to the utterly radical, to help you transform your life. Along with audios to guide you along those exercises. And regular emails to check in on you and make sure you're reading and doing the exercises. Not that I don't trust you'd do them on your own. No no no -- far from it. I trust you completely. I just don't trust myself. I've bought so many courses and books that are now doubling as expensive dust-gatherers that I know that I could use a little nudge to get done more of the things I want to do anyway.
A little catalyst goes a long way, I say. I honestly believe that those exercises alone are worth the price of the course. When you do them, you will discover things about yourself, your mind, your sensuality and your world that may astonish you -- and even transform you. Here are some of the secrets to love and fulfillment in this highly informative, uplifting, empowering course.
Fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. How to re-orient yourself to what you truly want instead of false substitutes. Yin and yang, feminine and masculine in relationships. Get this wrong, and nothing will work. Get this right and everything will flow effortlessly. The concept of no-self and how to apply it to your life. The fastest way to liberate yourself from fear, doubt, worry and hesitation in your dating life and beyond. This is the best, most fundamental idea in Buddhism, boiled down to its second essence.
You are the greatest thing since sliced bread -- get used to it. How to embrace and embody your inner goddess she's there, I swear. I could go on for days on this one, and you should definitely check out the 'How to be a modern goddess' audio excerpt below it's free. The dilemma of the career-oriented woman. How to tap into the infinite power of your femininity in a world drunk with masculine energy. It's easier to find stuff when you know what to look for. Figure out your core values to stop spinning your wheels and get more of what you want. Why men are so damn horny. Understand this, and you'll get a lot more peace of mind and a lot less confusion.
Meet Biff, Lance and Victor. The three basic types of guys you'll encounter, reasons to date each one or not , and why you should aim for a Victor when the time is right. Kill the prince -- like, now. How the Western romantic notion of the knight in shining armor is seriously getting in the way of your fulfillment. All the great things you have to offer in a relationship, and your secret gift as a woman. It's been under your nose all along; it's time you used its power to serve you. The slot machine model of human behavior.
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Why good women get stuck in bad relationships, and how to snap out of it now if you're in one. Self-concept, self-esteem, and the 'marriage shift. How to spot bad boys and Good Guys. Take it from a guy -- I know these archetypes well. Selecting the right guy has everything to do with your fulfillment, so let's get it right already. The Good Guy's secret turn-on. You may have been afraid to do this, but now you know this is what Mr Right really likes. How to have a healthy mental diet. Just like there's junk food for the body, there's junk food for the mind.
How avoiding the bad stuff helps you feel good all the time. Create a healthy body image. If you don't love it, how's he going to love it? Your beliefs about the world and yourself.
Your beliefs are the hidden software that run your life. Here are 9 beliefs designed to make your life rock. You may find 4 and 5 controversial, but they just plain work. The six rules of attitude. How to carry yourself in the world for maximum empowerment. The Three Cs of optimal venues. This is how you figure out where's a good spot to meet men, and where's a much better spot. The temptation of long-distance relationships, and some very good reasons to avoid them.
How to use the tiered approach to meet men -- and make them think it was their idea all along for years afterwards! Your sensuality is your most powerful resource for attracting men. Here are some suggestions from a guy who knows what turns him into putty. The importance of the three-chakra connection.
The Tao of Dating Quotes by Ali Binazir
What's missing when you don't connect with a man at the level of heart, mind and body. How to attract a man with your mind. This may very well be the single most counter-intuitive item in the book -- straight-up Tao. Ask him this very carefully-formulated question from a man several times, and you'll know everything that's important to know about him. Scout's honor, it works. The physiology of attraction. A bunch of neurochemicals are responsible for making you feel the way you feel. Here's who they are and how you can evoke them at will.
How to create passion. Yes, there's a way to do it, and I tell you exactly what it is. Borderline sneaky, fully effective. How to make a man fall in love with you. My guys are already roasting me for putting this in the book. But you're going to use your powers responsibly, right? How to bring out the best in a man.
The power has always been within you to be a great woman to your man -- here's how. What drives men away. From a poll of 10, of my male readers: The importance of closure. If you're going to break it off with a guy, do so elegantly. Word-for-word instructions on how to do it so that he's likely to remain a loyal friend with no hard feelings. How to get the second date. Another counterintuitive approach that has no choice but to get results.
I soon discovered the reason for the positive reviews from Amazon. The author offers each reviewer that leaves a review on Amazon a 15 minute coaching slot. So who would want to leave a ba I purchased this book after reading many amazing views from Amazon. So who would want to leave a bad review knowing that you can obtain a coaching session for nothing. I wouldn't rush to recommend this book. This is one of those books, particularly with that title, that you're almost loathe to add to your reading list just because it's going to pop up on everyone's feed.
But a friend of mine got a kick out of and forwarded me one of Dr. Ali's Huffington Post articles on dating for people that are too smart for their own good. And I was so impressed with his perspective and tell-it-like-it-is approach e. The overall message is a good one, and the Taoist philosophy really works well here. Finding someone and loving someone should not be a drag or a chore. Trying to force something to work for the sake of it is not likely to go well. And everyone already has everything they need to accomplish that.
As with any self-help, advice-type book, there are going to be parts that resonate and parts that don't, and this one is no exception. There were parts I loved and others that annoyed me so much I actually blacked them out. I would recommend taking some of the science parts with a grain of salt - at some points Dr. Ali is good at admitting he's taking complex, multi-faceted, on-going research and distilling it into a sound bite but he's not consistent. Particularly with the gender differences and some of the belief stuff earlier on in the book. And some of the "science" is a bit of a stretch or just plain bad.
Case in point, in one exercise you're asked to twist around as far as you can, then IMAGINE yourself being able to twist your torso around and around again, and then repeat, seeing if you can actually twist further the second time. Is it the power of visualization, as Dr. Ali and his "science" suggests, or more that you limbered yourself up by twisting the first time? Ali's description of Taoist philosophy, that is, it was way oversimplified and cursory. But given Taoism, that either wouldn't make much sense or would be a compliment.
So, instead, I'll say that if the Taoist perspective appealed to you I'd recommend searching out Taoist texts and sitting with them. This book is absolutely excellent!! I never thought a book on dating would actually be useful, but this one definitely is. I would highly recommend it to any smart women who's about to head into the world of dating, or has been dating for a while and struggling with the process.
Thanks Ali - I think you might have changed my life. This book is a bit touchy-feely. Some of the exercises that he advises readers to do are a bit out-there.
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But I guess if it helps you get in touch with your authentic self, then great. It's not the best dating book I've ever read, but it's good. I'd recommend it especially to those who have a spiritual streak or are looking for more off-beat, unconventional advice. I was impressed with how the advice Dr. Ali B proposed for how to comport oneself while dating was actually the best advice for "Winning at Life.
If you have been engaging in some dating insanity of course you have, or you wouldn't be shopping for dating advice books , then reading this one will point you toward peace in your interactions with dates. Excellent book on living life from a more fulfilled point of view I highly recommend for all women regardless of whether they are single or in a relationship.
Loved every word of this book. All felt relevant to the tea. This book helped me to reevaluate and reanalyze myself, my dating patterns, my weak and strong personal sides and to readjust my behavior. The Tao of Dating is an interesting book to read. Although I have already know most of the basic knowledge about "the law of attraction" or Tao Te Ching, Ali Binazir have give me the practical ways to use those insight in dating.
Sep 15, Lynnette Dinh rated it liked it Shelves: This is the ultimate roadmap to being a superstar of dating. I got a mini ebook by the same fellow and it hyped that The Tao of Dating was the best selling dating guide on Amazon. I decided to see what he could offer me. It focused as much on personal development as it did with relating to the opposite sex. The book alternated chapters on how to improve your dating skills and how to better yourself as a person.
Binazir was not messing around when he titled his book.
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Taoism and the Tao Te I got a mini ebook by the same fellow and it hyped that The Tao of Dating was the best selling dating guide on Amazon. Taoism and the Tao Te Ching feature just as prominently as the dating advice. I really enjoyed the spiritual side that brought to this book. It really resonated with me and it was spiritually soothing to see them again mock if you must.
He wants women to honor the sacred feminine and have more passive roles in their loves lives at least in the pursuing stage. Wicoff complained that men feel pressured to propose and fire back that women should let them do it in their own time. Women then have to fake nonchalance and be disingenuous to themselves so the men can feel true to themselves by proposing at their leisure.
Binazir cited men proposing as one of the reasons women should hold back. I think we need more balance in gender relationships but we also have to face the way the world is and try to make small changes. Women either have to be OK playing a secondary role in their love lives or bucking gender norms consequences be damned.
Overall though, I really liked this book. I thought it had a lot to offer women on a couple of levels. Because the Tao Te Ching features so prominently, several pieces of the dating advice can also apply to life like being radiant or not over thinking. Since I had this on ebook I utilized the highlight and bookmark features. I purchased this book July , after re-entering the single scene and needing some dating pointers.
This book turned out to be so much more than just dating "pointers" In the very first chapter Dr. Binazir points out "Deep down, women seek relationships not because they want a particular guy, but rather because they want the feelings that a good relationship brings them. In chapter two 2 Dr.
A guides you through discovering or analyzing "who you really are" and gives you different techniques from meditation to yoga to help you along. This book is really about you, not about dating! I mean yes, he does eventually get to the dating part, but by the time you get to it you are so empowered, feeling sexy, grateful and loving towards yourself, the dating stuff is just icing. This book has helped me change how I view and treat myself as well as the ones I love. He doesn't have you make drastic sudden changes at once, however one step or chapter at a time he has you try new things and by the end of the book you are like: Wow, how can something so simple be so life changing?
I read so many books, I forget who said what. Not the case with this book, my friends and I are always making references to it, but most important, any time I have had a question, I have emailed Dr. A and guess what? He has responded, not brushing me off, but an actual detailed email with his thoughts on the matter.
Most times the question has not been about the book but about life in general. His blog is outstanding, I follow it religiously. Since reading this book, I meditate more, am more faithful to yoga or working out, I engage in more "feel good" activities, I feel even better about myself I always have, more so now and most importantly I'm always seeking to do what makes me feel good and happy.
This was an amazing purchase. I had to come back and increase my star rating of this book. I read it cover to cover in a few days back in the summer and thought, "Oh, I guess this book is alright, but what's it saying that hasn't been said before? I realized five months later, however, that I have been coming back to the book again and again. The author m I had to come back and increase my star rating of this book.
The author makes a lot of good points about things that we can do in all of our relationships e. I also appreciated the author's hat tip to Dr. John Gottman's Four Housemen and those specific "communication techniques" that many of us employ when we are wounded that do more harm than good e. That said, the author identifies his audience early on and I suspect that this book is actually quite powerful for those women who do fall into that limited category.
Moreover, some of the book actually is universally applicable. I learned a lot from the book and I think that my own relationships are slowly, but surely, benefiting from those lessons. It has great information that I would offer to any woman or potentially any man.
This information may not be new to an experienced dater or a Buddhist, but it is certainly valuable for those seeking to get in touch with their self when flustered by the dating world. I also value that this book is written by a man for women. In a way it provides an honest male perspective which can highly benefit women.
This book has quite literally changed my life. Yes, it is a book about dating and relationships. But it is also a book about how to live life to the fullest and really living life as the best you. It has helped me not only personally but relationally. It has taught me how to be a person I like and respect and as such get dates with people who I also like and respect.
It demonstrates how to recognize and distinguish the really good men, how to get dates, and even start relationships. One part I e This book has quite literally changed my life. One part I enjoy is his analogy to really fine champagne. I'm a fine champagne, I'm not going to go well with everything and everything is not going to go well with me. It does not mean I'm bad or they are bad but for whatever reason this combination is just not a good wine pairing, and that's ok. On a personal note I was not very happy person when I first read this book but by really doing all of the exercises and reading and re-reading this book I am now a happy person with a more active and fulfilled life.
This is a self-help book for women which sets out to do exactly what the title says. It contains lots of nuggets of very good advice, liberally sprinkled with quotes from the Tao Te Ching and people like T. It covers not only the finding and dating aspects, but also maintaining relationships once established, along with some sensible stuff about how to have a relationship with yourself first.
Definitely has an Eastern slant to it hence the Tao bit , and just to save you reading it poss This is a self-help book for women which sets out to do exactly what the title says. Definitely has an Eastern slant to it hence the Tao bit , and just to save you reading it possible spoiler ahead his final words are: But unerringly positive throughout. Great book for women, quite a tome on relationship mgmt from the XX chromosome perspective. If you were to read only one book on the topic, this would be it. I took off a star because of the religious buffet the author continuously presented.
The part about going to a mosque to hookup with a guy cracked me up, because mosques are strictly segregated, and in any case such intentions defile one's relationship with Allah, which is the only relationship that is worthwhile in the long run. Most important take away from this book. Fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. I also loved the philosophy of Taoism that runs throughout. Striking a balance, avoiding extremes, compassion, etc - all important in the everyday, not just dating.
Loved it and have recommended it to several people. Read it in a single day Not usually into dating books but this was well written and had a basis in science which was well appreciated. Interesting approach to dating Zen all the way: This is unlike other dating self-help books in a good way.