I have been dating a guy for 7 years

I think both these answers have some importance. I think you need to evaluate your position—you need to have that talk with him about if your relationship is headed towards marriage, and if so what kind of timeline he had in mind.


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Then you need to ask yourself those same questions. Unfortunately, in my case I uncovered a really deep rooted issue around marriage for him and basically had to push him to decide if he wanted to be together or not because it was past time to make a decision. Is there any way you guys can elaborate on this conversation? He needs to be shaken out of his comfort zone. I have friends who dated for 10 years before getting engaged and are happily married with kids.


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My story is that I dated my x-bf for 7 years before we broke up, partly due to my fustrations of not moving forward and taking the next steps. After we broke up and were talking again about things, I asked him what the problem was? BUT, we decided 4 years ago to buy a house instead of getting married…it was a better investment…. Wow, thank you everyone for the responses. I should have elaborated a bit more.

When You Date Someone Younger Than You...

We already pay for the vacation, so the ceremony would make it all that much more memorable and special. But when is the timing ever right? For kids or marriage? How is your relationship overall? How satisfied are you with things like your careers, your sex life and your financial situation? How is your communication with each other?

Do you share mutual friends and enjoy activities together? Do you have fun together? Would you describe your relationship as passionate and exciting?

The Death of a 7 Year Relationship

There has to be more substance to the relationship than that. You need to know these things. You need to think about them. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them.

They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth.

And the last ditch effort that killed it

They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later.

This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them — somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal.

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The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them — eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves.

The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person.

Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt — hit the road. The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. Pay attention to the reputation.

Are You Dating a "Loser"? - Women's and Gender Studies, The Pauline Jewett Institute

If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. You become paranoid as well — being careful what you wear and say.

To The Girls Who Have “Almost” Boyfriends

Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself.

Physical Abuser Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving — shoving, pushing, forcing, etc. Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies. Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault. They may fake terminal illness, pregnancy, or disease. If you try to end the relationship, they react violently and give you the impression that you, your friends, or your family are in serious danger.

People often then remain in the abusive and controlling relationship due to fear of harm to their family or their reputation. Psychotic or psychiatrically ill losers may also stalk, follow, or harass you.


  1. Are You Dating a “Loser”??
  2. Dating for 8 years, still no proposal.
  3. The Death of a 7 Year Relationship – Be Yourself.
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  6. They may threaten physical violence, show weapons, or threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave them. Call them up right now, and drop them, because in the end those are not the guys that are worth your tears, time and sanity. Save it for somebody who cares, somebody like your real boyfriend. Reblogged this on Don't Run Away. Reblogged this on Marla Papas. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement.

    Shutterstock I know exactly what it is like to be you. There is a time and a place for everything, and if a guy wants to date you then he will.