There are a lot of times that I went to social gatherings by myself. Before we started dating I was pretty much going out every weekend and partying a lot. The nice thing if you move with your spouse is that you'll come to meet a lot of significant others of your boyfriend, so that will give you people to hang out with. Match day was a little bit stressful since it might have meant that I would have to move but I decided it was worth it. Luckily I didn't, but I just prepared myself for it. I saved up some money leading up to make sure that I had something to live on if I struggled to find a job.
When she got into residency, we moved in together and it go a lot easier. Hours were more normal and we could be more of a normal couple. Granted, there were a number of night shifts, some weeks where our interaction would be passing ships in the night. She'd get home as I was getting up for work. There were also still parties that I went to by myself. After a couple years, I'd gotten used to it.
You have to be a little bit of a solitary person or be unashamed to do things alone. One thing you can try is to pick a weekend night and just go out alone. Do the whole nine yards, go have dinner alone, then go see a movie alone. I got to the point where I could go to concerts alone and it wouldn't bother me. It's actually better because you can pay attention to the band and not have to worry about anyone else.
I am in a very similar situation to you actually.. My boyfriend also mentions surgery a lot so I get very scared as quality time and physical touch are also very important to me. Personally though, I can't imagine life without him. He is everything to me and I know he is the one. I just got a job that is closer to him but it is a very good job and I love it so I am able to do my own thing but still spend time with him almost every weekend. I am scared it won't get any easier, but I also believe what we have right now is something most people hope to have in a relationship one day.
The distance and hardships have brought us closer together. We trust one another completely, make the most of our time together, are super open and honest with each other, and not only that we are always so happy and excited to spend time together. I know what we have isn't a traditional relationship but it's also the best I've ever had. So although it is extremely hard, and at some points I feel like it's too much, we always talk through when we are struggling and are stronger each time.
I wouldn't trade what we have for anything. I would say to give it a chance at least, especially if you say you love him; you may be able to adapt as I have and come out stronger. However, if you've been trying it for at least a month or two and you are still having significant doubts pretty regularly, then don't try to make it won't It is a long commitment and it does get harder.. I myself haven't made it out the other side haha, but I'm still optimistic. I wish you the best of luck as well! This group has been really helpful for me to relate to others in our situation. Just to add to the mix.
My spouse and I are best friends and have been since college.
I signed up for this when my spouse decided to go back to school he was not pre-med. So this has been an integral joint-life decision made by both of us. I honestly can't imagine doing anything but support my spouse I currently work in his and my dream for him. One thing I will say is that every med school and every student experience is completely different. I read some posts that talk about how their spouse can barely keep their head above water and have no time for them at all. My spouse's med school is not like that, and most of all, it has always been my spouse's priority moreso than even my own to make time for us to hang out.
During the first two years, my spouse had lots of time to spend with me because he was so efficient at studying during the day while I was at work, and then again after I went to bed then again, my spouse needs less sleep than most! We also go on trips during every dedicated vacation period, because that is something important to both of us.
On the other hand, a good friend of ours different med school, nearby funnily enough , who is very intelligent, was just exhausted and barely ever had time to hang out, go to dinner, or catch up. He wound up taking some additional time off throughout his time in med school. So every experience is totally different. But it really comes down to priorities, lifestyle decisions, and also the school. Here's the thing -- for a med student to be successful in terms of their cohort, a tremendous amount is expected of them. Competition between them and other med students, having to study all the time, work long hours, etc.
If your spouse plans to go into a more "chill" specialty maybe reasonable would be a better word?? But if they have certain career goals that force them to dedicate even more time to medicine than is required, the support of their partner is absolutely essential. Sometimes, it seems that we can see the resentfulness she has towards his career and it is not pleasant to witness, so we just feel kind of bad for him, because ultimately, the things she is upset about he has no control over not being able to take weekends to stay with her family, lack of control over schedule and residency, etc.
I'm not sure what that means. In our relationship, this path has worked really well because it is a shared goal that we both want equally and I try my best to contribute in every way that I can. Having my spouse fulfill his dreams is what brings me happiness and meaning. I want to say that would even be the case if my spouse was not able to spend as much time with me as I would like.
That said, I have had no less time with my spouse than we did when we both worked day jobs -- perhaps even more. The big exception to that was when my spouse was on his surgery rotation. Residency will be a different story, I'm sure. But on the med school front, I think a lot of it comes down to a combination of your partner's study strategies, personality, and school. I can't imagine life not living my with spouse.
The Subconscious of a Stressed Med Student
The 3 weeks he was on an away rotation was painful and lonely. It sounds like he is a nice guy, is going to be a doctor, and he cares a lot about you. But taking a step back, it sounds to me like you are unsure if you actually love him -- or at least, love him enough to make certain sacrifices.
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You will have to make a lot of sacrifices for the next ten years to accommodate his career in medicine. But my personal opinion is that if you don't find yourself feeling like you would do anything just to be near him even if that wasn't possible for one reason or another , then you might not love him enough to want to spend your life together. But it doesn't sound like there is anything stopping you, other than the fact that you have family and a better job at the moment where you are now.
Met different, better people. As you can see, the drawbacks of a relationship in medical school are all outcomes of dating the wrong person.
Life As A Med Student's Girlfriend
A relationship in medical school takes work for both parties. Before embarking on the journey, you need to sit down and have a candid talk about what each of you expects from each other. Text throughout the day if you feel like it. Make promises to not sweat the small stuff or start an issue over irrelevant BS. Talk When You Can: I think one solid piece of advice is to make short calls periodically. Driving home from lecture? Taking a ten minute study break? Sitting on the toilet? Give her a ring and talk for a few minutes.
Keep each other updated on your day. Call to say hi, good morning, or tell a quick story.
Relationships in Med School: Pros, Cons, and How to Make it Work | Soze Media
Reciprocate when you can. Obviously the best aspects of movie night are impossible to replicate, but starting a movie together at the same time, texting throughout, and talking on the phone to share your thoughts right after is a great way to make you feel closer to that person. Only YOU know what is best for you. You determine your own happiness and success. Put in Equal Effort: Pay for gas sometimes if she drives to you.
Keep the Bitching in Check: No one wants to hear constant negativity all the time. Imagine you were dating someone and all they wanted to talk about is how hard school is. Make the Most of Your Time: When you get a weekend together, take full advantage of it. Sleep in til Make some bomb french toast for breakfast. Treat yourself to deliciously shitty food.
Get wasted and stay out dancing until two in the morning. Stay in and binge watch an entire season of your favorite series on a Saturday off. Drink three bottles of wine and build a fucking puzzle. Laugh as much as you can. You texted him at 4: Has he lost interest?? Is he with another girl?! No no and no. When he calls after a stressful day, put on your therapist pants, listen to him, and continue to encourage. This goes for both parties. This is the most important time in the medical school relationship dynamic.
Instant boost to his sanity and happiness. Med school can get you down sometimes. Remind him of his own abilities and strengths. Help When You Can: Think of the kids. Medical school is stressful at times. One thing I cannot fathom is experiencing a personal tragedy during these times. Death of loved one? With an exam coming up? You must keep your head on straight. They were not the one. Indulge in the heartbreak momentarily.
Binge eat junk food. Drink a bottle of wine. Look at the old photos and bask in the magnificence of human emotion. Focus on your studies. This is probably the most important for me. Venting and asking questions to other women in medical relationships both long distance and not has been vital for me. Just knowing someone else has been where you are and cheering you on makes you feel better, and you develop your own friendships through this connection.
Long distance is tough. But in testing your communication in your relationship, it definitely improves it! When you do see each other, it makes it that much sweeter. You also build a strong foundation that is virtually unshakable that you can build on once you do live together or in the same city. Your email address will not be published. Sending nothing but love and support to all of you in a LDR!
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