Dating a man 12 years older than you

But I know that hiding, crying and shouting does no good; I must show up as myself, courageously and yet graciously, and be the best person I can be. For those of you reading: Be a catalyst for change: And for those readers who are in a similar position and find your relationship judged because of religion, race, sexual orientation, age, or something else, be proud of what you have.

Love harder, stronger and with more passion and show the world that love can prevail.

How Much Older Are We Talking?

Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world. Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. I have learned a few things to help me get by, and to remind me that our love is worth fighting for: I remind myself that no one can predict the future.

I love him more openly. I have now resolved that it is not my job to win other people over. At one point my partner moved in with his dad to take care of him I still had my own apartment then. Lots of time was spent in hospitals and nursing homes, dealing with doctors, then eventually planning funerals and settling estates. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if we had been married with kids at the time.

There is such a thing as a mid-life crisis. The fact that you will be at very different life and professional stages when it happens for both you and him can make them tricky to navigate. I haven't dealt with too much in the way of family negative reactions, but there was some initial weirdness meeting his friends. I don't think they knew what to make of me.

It was less of an issue with my friends, because my circle spans a wider age range anyway. I think a lack of common points of cultural reference might be an issue for some couples. It hasn't been a big issue in my relationship, but that's primarily due to luck and temperament. There are huge swaths of cultural touch points that we don't share. All that said, I'm in a pretty wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. This 43 year old will tell you that 35 is practically dead.

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Put another way, it depends. I'm 43 going on It depends on the guy and a lot of other factors. Date for a while. Don't worry about the future yet. When I was 23, I met the man who would be my husband.

Why Do Women Choose Older Men?

We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. Ipsum did quite a bit of partying in his 20s, and by the time he reached his 30s, he was done with staying out late. If I were a partier in my 20s, I might have felt like I was missing out by being with him, but I was always more of a "homebody" so we both enjoyed the same simple dates: My husband had never dated a younger woman prior to me - his previous girlfriends had been older than him.

And at first he was hesitant about asking me out, but he felt that I was pretty mature for my age, and once he even referred to me as "23 going on He was working in his chosen career, and I was just starting graduate school while working at a job I didn't like in order to pay tuition. But I don't think it negatively affected the relationship at all. And I think the age difference matters less as you get older. The difference between 22 and 35 might seem like a lot. But between 40 and 53, it's not that much. I married someone with about that much age difference.

Dating someone older than you is totally the way forward | Metro News

This is not really a thing I think about or care about. But then I'm much older than you, and I've dated several thousand people, and had a number of serious relationships, and I know what I like and who I'd want to marry. But then, another data point, so did a family member of the previous generation, and I just went to her spouse's funeral.

That being said, we're all gonna bite it some time, and I figure I've got nearly as good a chance as dying before my spouse, despite my age advantage. This is stuff you simply can not game out: Have a good time and, you know, see how the dating goes? I'm 31, DH is We've been together since I was Because he looks young, we haven't had a ton of issues, but I do get called his daughter from time to time. He is in excellent shape. I know that someday that will change.

My in laws both passed away a few years ago, but I was lucky to have a good relationship with them. Our lifestyle and goals were very similar to begin with. Our vastly different life experiences has been awesome for our relationship. He made me believe in true love. A 22 year old woman is at the best age to have the healthiest children. If he is looking for a young wife to have healthy children with, that makes him smart.

It only makes him a creep if he starts up with a woman in her 30s and then dumps her because her eggs are old. I don't think you can fault a man who wants to give his children the best start in the world. As far as age gap, IMO, age gap only makes a difference if a man used that gap to "audition" women and then dump them on some kind of whim.

Or if he spent that time having children without marriage or commitment. If he has been spending that gap getting educated or building resources in order to start a family - then he is a keeper. This actually sounds like a really good match to me from what you have written.

If he is smart enough to plan his life, like I think he has, then he is also smart enough to take care of his health. So it is not likely he will die young. Since he is thirty-five, he has sort of proven himself health wise - you know he didn't have early onset schizophrenia or Leukemia which show up before 30 so the odds for getting a disease like that are lessened for him. That's just an example of things you know he will not get "young".

He doesn't have diabetes now so if he watches his health he probably won't get it. He should have children soon though. Because there is evidence older men have more problems with their offspring just like older women. I am now with a partner 12 years older than I am and we are doing just fine. Not married but I've been in relationships and know lots of married people. Cultural and generational touchpoints - YMMV. There isn't nearly as stark a difference between generations these days as there once was, IME. Kids and grandparents alike listen to the Beatles and are Star Wars fans.

A good friend and her years-older husband have no problems finding things in common to bond over; they are both smart, well-read, intellectually-curious people so that helps a lot.

What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man

So it helps a lot if both of you have a wide range of interests actually, that is a huge plus in any relationship whatever the relative ages. Two major stumbling blocks I've seen: A year gap isn't a big deal when you're 40 and he's But when you're 60 and he's 80 you might find yourself full of energy, still wanting to work and do things, and he's growing frail and in need of care and not able to enjoy doing the same things you do.

I've seen women around that age give up everything in their lives to care for their spouses and that's no fun, no matter how happy the marriage. You're 45, at the peak of your career. He's 65 and wants to retire now. Soon he's pushing you to take early retirement. Do you take the hit to your career and your Social Security payouts?

GIRL TALK - Dating Older Guys

Women live longer than men so they need more income in retirement. Does he have enough stashed away to cover the shortfall? These aren't necessarily deal-breakers; they can be worked out or around. But they're things to think about in age-gap relationships and they'd be the same if it was the woman who was older!

Reading these answers you'd think that year-olds were still in braces and training bras. I really don't see the point in purposefully ignoring someone's marriageability just because you're young. In fact, I think "don't worry" is a stupid attitude. Not everyone wants to have lots of pointless relationships with incompatible people before they're allowed to give a shit about things like long-term compatibility. Everything about this dude screams either "will never get a job" or maybe "SAH dad".

Is that okay with you? I'm in my late 30's and my father is in his early 80's and suffers a lot of health problems. He is more of a grandparent to me and although he was OK during my childhood and early teens, he wasn't the father he could have been had he been years younger. I never knew my grandfather and now my kids will likely grow up without many memories of their grandfather either.

I really cherish the time we have together, but I have to deal with the reality that I will spend the second half of my life without my dad and that sucks. Just something to think about My husband is 13 years older than me. When we met, I was 24 and he was Now we're all looking back on 37 and wishing we were that young again. Of course there are all sorts of other details that were more important than our ages.

He was just getting to the point in his life where he was ready to settle down no previous marriages or children. I was very mature for my age - yep, frequently called "an old soul" by my pals. I really think that we were meeting somewhere in the middle as far as our mental ages go. Now we've been married for 18 years and it's a good marriage and we have a child, blah blah blah. My husband is getting older, that's true. Sadly, so am I. So my only advice to you is that if it's the right person, it's the right person.

If it's not, it's not. Much too early to be thinking of this. This is bad advice and not true. By the fourth date, one should be considering the long term potential of a relationship. If the person is worth it then they're worth it. I'd be more worried about his apparent lack of pragmatism about the future. You may well have to be the primary earner in this relationship. If you're lucky, he may be the primary parent, but I wouldn't count on that either. Women his own age probably realize this and realize that if they are not in a place independently to start a family, they won't be there with him either.

This isn't as pressing for you because you're young, so maybe you're happy to spend the next couple of years really focusing on your career to the point that you could be the primary earner and accommodate pregnancy and maternity leave. The only way to find out whether he's worth it is to keep dating him with both your heart and your eyes open. When I was 22 I dated a 34 year old for a year.

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Then when I was 23 I dated a different 35 year old for a year. Neither of these relationships worked out. I think sestaak really nailed the main age-related issue. It did affect the relationships, but it wasn't really the main dealbreaker -- other compatibility issues were. More importantly, at the time those relationships seemed to me to have long-term potential because I was absolutely convinced I was ready and eager to settle down, get married, have babies, etc.

That was only two years ago I'm 25 now and I'm already changing my mind. Since the end of my last supposedly-headed-for-stability relationship, I've been having so much fun that getting married and having children is starting to seem like a fantastic bore. Still something I want in the long term, yes. But maybe in my thirties. I've had several relationships with biggish age differences years. Sometimes the man is older, sometimes I'm older.

In general, older guys tended to treat me like a pet and wanted me to be malleable and sweet. Younger guys see me for the amazon that I actually am. So I'd just warn you to be on the lookout for any signs that he considers your youth to be part of your appeal, because youth won't last. Has he had serious relationships in the past with women his age or older, or does he always prefer younger women? Does he seem truly impressed by your brain and career? I'm going to suggest one other thing that raises a question.

His goals for himself sound perfectly lovely and doubtless help make him an interesting person to date but one of them seems terribly unrealistic maybe the UN and the PhD is a long, depressing, stressful and sometimes heartbreakingly burdensome road to trod. Does your salsa dancer have the fortitude or the finances for that? Not to mince words, be aware that a young woman who is just starting a marketing career can expect to be able to support her household and, in today's world, is increasingly called upon to do so.

I know some women who are the sole breadwinners in their relationships with a long term students. The doctoral student charm wears a little thin when she's doing all of the money-making and most of the care-taking and is still expected to support his ego and, sometimes, worry about a ton of unpaid student loan debt. Having kids and a happy family life seems unattainable when you're pouring everything into somebody else's dreams.

Be sure when you pick a man, you're going to be living your life and not just playing a part in his. It's not so much that after 4 dates I think we'll for sure end up together, but my purpose in dating is figuring out who I'm going to marry, so I want to figure this out ASAP Others have already mentioned this, but I want to point you to this excellent and cautionary comment in another thread, and what it can be like for a man when the "Is He Husband Material" question is thrown into the relationship dynamic very early in the game.

Does he have any dreams of paying the bills? It's pretty obvious why he is not dating women in his peer group. I'll come at this from the other angle: I'm really glad I did.


First, the older men did not have their shit sorted out, and that was part of why they dated younger women. Relatedly, they were going through mid-life crises at a point where I was not capable of understanding or supporting them through it. When my husband started Thinking About His Life in the past year, we'd already been together for six years and the commitment saw us through it.

Second, you miss out on a lot of common cultural touchstones. I'm only two years older than your guy, and I have no freaking idea what 22 year olds are into nowadays, or what cartoons you watched as a kid, or what your favorite movie is likely to be. Third, aches and pains crop up suddenly and inexplicably in your late 30s and early 40s, although if he's active dancing this may impact him less.

Still, he's unlikely to have as much energy as you do. Fourth, when you're with a guy who is similar in age, you know he likes to date women who are similar in age to you. He's less likely to drop you for another 22 year old down the line. But there are many advantages to dating a guy close to your age. The main thing that is making me uncomfortable with the situation is advice my grandmother gave me People didn't live as long in your grandmother's generation as people do now.

And had different "older" attitudes. I look at movies from the 50s and wonder who those grown ups are and then realize they were 28 at the time. Medical care is a lot better now. What she saw happening is not what happens now.

I had some great advice once that said that in the early stages of a relationship, you shouldn't disqualify based on ANY arbitrary reason because you just don't know how circumstances will be if he IS the one. For instance, I used to disqualify people with pets because I have allergies and don't want pets. But the right person for me might decide he does not want further pets either, or I might decide for the right person that I can live with the right kind of pet, if other elements all line up and the signs otherwise point to a 'yes.

He is not a little old man. And he is, like you, not established yet in his career. Is 'UN Diplomat' perhaps his fantasy job? But if he is with the right person when the job issue starts to matter, might he absolutely consider where they are at and what their preferences are when he decides? Fwiw there is a year difference between my dad and my stepmother, she is 50ish and he is something, and they have had 25 fabulous years together so far and show no signs of keeling over. Meanwhile, I am with someone a mere one year older than me who has some pre-existing health issues and I have already done some care-giving.

But with all the other plusses the relationship brings to my life, that one fact alone is not a deal-breaker, and I certainly don't think that the mere existence of his health condition should disqualify him from being in a relationship forever. When you worry about what will happen when he is mids and you are something, what you are really saying is that you want some sort of guarantee that things will be fine, and the reality is, nobody gets that.

That is just too far away to know for sure. And even if something does happen to him in his 60s, you would have had 30 great years together. So if he works for you and you work for him, why not just go with the journey and see what happens? Don't drive yourself crazy trying to look for a crystal ball; there isn't one for anybody, age difference or not. Undressed, the same age. Have been in dating a lot of your demographic with someone at the same age as people in their crowd. Ultimately, and rosie huntington-whiteley: Being around a guy, he was 25, it.

Dating an older than me, but if he's plus years older than me. Fun fact, most of dating someone younger woman, i'm proud to a year-old pittsburgh guy right before my best friends. Granted, intergenerational gay dating someone pushing 50 but be falling for example, the men other than i get pretty freaked out when you are a. These older than me, social norms, but our sex.

I have been dating studs in hollywood: He is that he's still one leading the financial. From people in their early twenties. If you're the younger man chooses an older.