They lack empathy and have no moral compunction in doing whatever is in their own interests. Because they feel no obligation to anyone else, their relationships are generally dysfunctional since they tend to protect their own interests at the cost of cooperative relationships. Recovery from a relationship with a sociopath is not easy but the good news is that the vast majority of us get there in the end. Sociopathic abuse is often covert abuse.
In the aftermath people may experience shock, disbelief, deep sadness, guilt, shame, anger, fear, loneliness and an array of physical symptoms including panic attacks, anxious thoughts, fatigue and emotional numbing — although many also express relief at finally knowing what has been going on. On exiting a sociopathic relationship an individual may feel isolated and disempowered.
People react differently, but you may be surprised by the strength of your feelings. We can stand frustrating and difficult times if we choose to think about these situations in a different way. Some people find they vent explosive anger in the aftermath of abuse. They often feel better immediately afterwards though many report feeling guilty or sad afterwards especially if in lashing out they hurt other people. Evidence suggests that venting increases the chances of further explosive anger. So help yourself by expressing your anger in a healthier way; by recognising your angry feelings: Rumination involves dwelling on things.
Everybody does it from time to time. People ruminate by bringing thoughts, memories and imagined or past events to mind and going over and over them. This can have a negative impact on our mental health. Ruminating about the darker moments in life can lead to anxiety , depression and anger. Why not try this technique to help you stop ruminating;. No-one can predict the outcome of the recovery process. Prolonged trauma at the hands of a sociopath usually has emotional impacts. The chronic symptoms of post-traumatic stress combine with the symptoms of depression, producing what is called the survivor triad of insomnia, nightmares and psychosomatic complaints.
Humiliated rage adds to the burden. Chronically traumatized people often are hyper-vigilant, anxious and agitated. Even with the best intentions some people end up enduring persistent stress and anxiety — an experience similar to, if not the same as, post-traumatic stress disorder. They may complain of numerous physical symptoms. If you experience any of these difficulties the important message is to reach out for support, seek medical advice and treatment, and develop new coping skills to effectively manage the symptoms.
It is important in the aftermath of such a relationship to re-establish your personal boundaries. For all your good intentions about maintaining limited contact, or breaking contact altogether, sometimes we trip up. I also remember how much it hurt. I can say, that with time, with focus onto you, and not onto him, that you can heal and recover. I really feel you. Someone who acted like the love of my life and soulmate should and would never do that. Once I presented it to him, he no way out and stonewalled me instead.
I feel your pain and I also feel very frustrated with it. At least we are not alone and we now know. The light will shine on us again. Why can I not stop thinking or talking about her after 4 months. I want you to remember that where her mind is, is where she is at. Wherever her attention is, at that time. What is it about her that you want to come back? Or do you feel like there is a space within you, and that you need her? Reality can be tough, but you need to understand that they do not feel the same depth or range of emotions as you do.
She could have met someone while inside, who could offer her something she needed a place to stay on the outside or maybe she had bad behaviour inside and had to stay in longer. The thing is you might never know, but what you do know and understand is YOU. Look at this girl. Ran off with a drug addict, then went to jail. Does this person deserve you?
I know I deserve better.. Just wish I could stop thinking about her and move on.. I have not heard from her since they let her out, I am sure she has found another host so to speak.. First thing almost all addicts my real work was in homeless field do on leaving prison is to go on a drug fuelled party. So, continue to grow, heal and try to recover while she is gone.
You will hear from her when she wants something. If you see her, it will surely only bring further harm and loss to you. I recently fell back into the trap. Got back in contact with him because I miss him dearly as a friend even tho I was the one always there for him but never the other way around. I really need to let him go. Hey Tee, well first of all forgive you, for falling back into the trap. They groom you, while at the same time, stripping you to the core.
None of the energy was ever going into building the relationship even when you thought it was it was going into building him. The constant relentless games. So why would he go back to you? To do the same thing again? He likes the power and control, but at the same time gets easily bored. Likely could have other options elsewhere. You cannot fix what is unfixable.
You cannot repair what is unrepairable. You only have the power to heal and repair you. Last time you ended it, was it you that ended it? Yes it was me that finally had the upper hand. He gave me the silent treatment for no reason at all. It was his monthly thing to do. I started dating and he got wind of it and texted me and called me. I ignored both attempts and he disappeared while stalking me online daily. I was 2 months into no contact with him. I missed him and text him one night. He wanted to see me immediately. The next day I gave in. I drove to see him. I left and he text me the next morning saying that I took too long.
And he had the nerve to ask me to drive over again. We talked for 2 days after that and then mid text he disappears yet again. This has been goin on for a year.
Life After A Sociopath: The Ultimate Dating Betrayal
I think he is bipolar as well as NPD. The silent treatments started very early on around the 2nd week of meeting him. Thank you for your advice. Though I do remember the bittersweet moments in the beginning where he made me feel like I was the one and that I was different from the rest. We had an intense connection. One time was right before my birthday because I questioned his odd behavior. He gave me the silent treatment and had the nerve to text me on my birthday to say happy birthday and then continues with the silent treatment until a month and went back again.
If I wait a month he accepts me back. The cycle is so dizzying. Been discarded about two months now. I was never in any type of romantic situation before this. No one has ever made me feel like that, you guys! I feel so numb. I was in a 18 year marriage with my husband. We never fought or even had a cross word towards each other!
He acted as though he adored me from the time we got together until a month and two weeks ago! He left to go run a errand but before leaving he gave me a kiss and hug as always and returned a hour later a completely different person! He said that we needed to talk, it was important! I was devastated, confused and shattered! I am seeing a therapist and have tried twice to commit suicide by taking 60 xanax two weeks apart, once was 2 days after he told me and again two weeks later! How devastating for you.
To have no clue that the man you had shared so much of your life with had betrayed you and for such a long time. I am however pleased that you were not successful with your suicide attempt. I have written a post about suicide. Either find it using search bar above or i will try to find the post for you.
I am pleased that you are getting professional help and support. Thank you so much! I am doing better but I still have painful days even with the three day a week therapy! I am just the first day away from my partner , I am 7 months pregnant with a sociopath, he is 19 years older then me.
We had a relationship off and on for over 2 years. He had lied to me for well over a year about his ex that was living with him. He was always there to text and to talk to me and he seemed so interested in my life. When really he was just wanted to use me for the sex and the attention I gave him. For 2 years I really thought he wanted me and I was dumb enough to believe his lies. No matter how many times I caught him messaging other women he would still turn it all around on me and I would end up feeling like the crazy one.
I then was finally done with him so I thought and had started to date a nice man. And he found out and got extremely jealous and controlling , he started messaging me and convinced me to meet him one last time so he said and I ended up pregnant. So just 3 months ago he said he wanted to officially be exclusive with me lies lies lies and wanted me to live with him, I was almost fully moved in and then found more messages from him and another woman.
Devastated , I packed my family up and went back to my rental. He then after 2 weeks convinced me to start talking to him again. Being pregnant and alone I started to see him. He told me work was very busy and I stopped by work and he was gone , for 45 mins he ignored all my calls and I know exactly what he was doing. He is a serial cheater and liar. I am so hurt and depressed and lost. And to tell me he loves our son and baby so much and then go and have sex with other women.
I feel so low and disgusted. And I have my baby coming in 12 weeks and I am just so sad. I was discarded a week ago. Admittedly I packed his belongings as a threat to try and see get him to see how he had changed in the hope that he would become my husband again how he was before.
I made it clear if he took the belongings that he was making the choice to leave and all I was doing was trying to show him how much he was hurting us. He chose to leave. He did this last time when the habit got out of control. I am so upset, I love him and I am worried about it. It has been a little over 2 months for me… the man I thought was the love of my life stopped loving me just like turning a switch.
What I saw in his eyes the last time I saw him was nothing like the man I fell in love with. He was cold and empty, filled with darkness. He told me to leave like 50 times and with tears in my eyes I walked away… I miss him everyday, I miss what I had with him and I still cry over what happened, he has 2 small children who I became very attached to and I miss them dearly as well. I wonder how they are doing on a daily basis. He has not contacted me at all and I know he is back with the girl he was with prior to meeting me.
I loved him so much and he was never ever able to feel that and it makes me so sad. It has been a little over 2 months for me… the man I thought was the love of my life stopped loving me just like turning off a switch. I miss him everyday, I miss what I had with him and I still cry a lot over all the lies and deceit.
He has 2 small children who I became very attached to and I miss them dearly as well. The last time I saw him replays over and over in my head, the man that said he loved me and promised me the world was no longer there, all I saw was coldness in his eyes and darkness in his soul. I was devastated, but had to walk away since he told me he was done with me. He has not contacted me at all and I know he is back with the girl he was prior to meeting me.
I loved him so much and he was never able to feel that and it makes me so sad. I do feel things get better and time does heal all wounds, I have learned that sometimes the reason we encounter evil people is to learn to love ourselves in the healing process. Thank you for reading and blessings to your hurting hearts. I was doing so much better for a brief period … distracted by evacuating for a hurricane, the start of a new job, etc.
I miss the magnetism and energy of our friendship so very much. I worked so hard to avoid thinking about anything to do with this person and the past after having suffered through the depression of embracing the loss for so many, many months. How do I finally get my brain to turn all that off? How do I get away from that lingering past? A good tip is to focus on gratitude.
This works because it changes your thinking process to positive. It occupies your mind. It starts to change your thinking, and it gets you back in control. Your bed you sleep in, water in your tap. Electricity, food in the cupboard. People who serve in shops. Anything at all that brings you job. Gratitude and gratitude, it sounds stupid but it really does work. The mind cannot take a joke. I was so confused after what I went through, I thought I was going to go crazy. Not many people around me understood but I still got a good support for which I am grateful. Reading all this was a rude awakening but also, I finally understand and can process everything that had happened to me.
He is the next level high end charismatic type of sociopath and never really conned me for anything. On the contrary, he was generous with me and contributed more than his fare share. He does work but he does not abide by rules, goes by his own time frequently bails or cancels at the last minute , pays his bills late etc…and yet, he has kids he adores.
He is somewhat overbearing and controlling with them but I believe he truly loves them and puts them above all. He never devalued me, loved everything about me and loved me like no other. The connection was beyond belief and out of this world. I could not believe my luck. But he did have a family and what I thought was over with his wife was not, despite him coming over to live with me.
So he was duping his wife working on the road and then duping me with her and then others on top of that. When a text from another woman came to his phone while I was holding it he made up a ridiculous story. I was shocked but quickly calmed down and accepted it but his reaction was so over the top that I immediately knew that he was guilty. It was as if I did something wrong and not him. He even threw up.
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Still, I loved him so much I put up with it but from there, I discovered more and started confronting him which he could not stand and accused me of calling him out of his character. He told me how much he loved me till the day I showed him yet another proof of his cheating and then suddenly he cut me off, no explanation, nothing. He texted me once and wanted to talk but in the end bailed out.
I think he was just checking if I was still hooked, which I still kind of was. I still had some hope. Now I see it for what it was and he is a stranger to me. I cannot believe the level of deceit and the trouble he went through to keep up all his lies to everyone. Except for the conning, the Sociopath profile fits him like a glove. I am sickened and disheartened. This was 5 years of my life thinking myself the luckiest girl in the world. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about healing if I work with him?
Recovering from a Relationship with a Sociopath
I see and hear him every day. I cannot and refuse to leave my company as I love working here. Any advice would be helpful. I feel very much alone and lonely. Oh god, the loneliness is awful. In the end, it is that and lots of empathy toward yourself is what you need. There is another blog that helped me a lot and it might help you as well — https: I hope it helps.
Be strong and kind to yourself. Knew he lost a wife tragically. All my cards on table. Been singe a decade now. Single happily for a reason. Oh but promised me a fairytale. Now 9 years later disappears. No way to reach him. Dad coming for cancer treatment he lives out of town. Even if wanted health issues preventing. I need him back to help me. My Dad will be devasted. I dated a guy for almost the last year. He was amazing and after a horrible marriage I felt like I finally found what I always wanted. I moved him into my house and helped him find a job in the area.
He told my two children that he would never leave and how much he loved them and me. We had plans of a wedding, having a child, had booked and trip and bought gifts for the girls to go on the trip for Christmas. The week before Christmas he was off. He went back to his old town and was really strange.
He came back and told me how much he wanted and needed me. The next morning he asked me to bring his phone to work as he forgot it. There was a text between him and his ex on how much he loved her and how much she loved him. A common problem to our relationship with triangleation. I called him back at his job and told him to move out right away. Christmas was horrible and my girls miss him so much. I had no clue who he really was. Makes me so sad. I am so sorry that you are feeling sad, and your Christmas, a time that should be happy was ruined by someone like this. However, I am happy that you know now, and that you got him to leave your life.
I wonder if he had ever stopped contact with his ex?
Coping with pain after discard
My heart goes out to you and your girls. I married a narc-psychopath and only understood after the counselor explained. We married pretty soon after my first husband passed away. He seemed to be the answer to prayers for me and my son. He used me financially and then abandoned us. Your girls will be okay if they know you are okay. Actions speak louder than words! Jeuesia, I completely identify with what you said. Wrong term in my opinion. Bullshit phase would be so much more accurate. Whatever it was, the intensity of it got to me and I let myself fall hard.
Then I tolerated the verbal abuse and the continual mind fuck that he unleashed once he knew I was invested. It has been two months since he left and I still dream about it and have the occasional panic attack. I was a target and that is all. You are right about the bullshit phase. It is called love bomb, because they come at force, like a bomb going off in your life. It is understandable that you fell hard. I agree with you, about the feeling poisoned. Have you seen the video liar by Rollins? It sounds like you have a good understanding of what has happened to you.
Which is great in a 2 month period. Your home, bed you sleep in, water in the taps, food in the shops, delivery people who deliver the food, people that serve you in the shops etc. I found that this helped me to ground me back to MY reality, rather than the reality that was created for me. Set yourself some goals, even if short goals, and reward yourself when you have achieved those goals. Read some of the posts about healing and recovery there is a search bar on the site. Someone deliberately targeted you, and abused you. You cannot put it in any other way.
But you can heal and recover. He has no further power over you. I am pleased that you are free… I wish you speedy recovery!! Thanks for the encouragement, Positivagirl. I have seen that video. I will work on the gratitude. You are the second person I have seen say this. I am still neck deep in the hate hurt, really and try to find ways to destroy him place. I have actually gotten some real revenge.
I am finding that they do not make me feel better. Obviously, I need to let it go. Letting go is the most challenging thing to do when you have been groomed. It can make you feel like you are going crazy. You know that this person is bad for you. I think it can burn holes in your soul. I was reading articles about soul loss. About what can happen to the soul at the time of trauma.
Maybe you might find it interesting too? Focusing on gratitude does work, as it starts to undo the mindfuckery that they place you under like a spell and gets your brain back for you, your world and your life. I still practice gratitude every day. Only I can take it back. They say revenge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.
Hopefully focusing on gratitude will help. I was in a relationship with a narcissist off and on for 3 years. The pain was horrible. I would say it took me 5 years before I felt over him. It has now been 8 years since the break up and while I no longer miss him or long for him I still feel slightly damaged. I am actually now married to another man who is not a narc but I feel like we have issues because of what I went through. How do I work through these issues? Should I see a therapist? It was a very traumatic experience with my ex narc and I feel the damage may be permanent.
Yes I would recommend seeing a therapist. They can really help you to work through the damage that has been done to you. It is very unfair that someone has come into your life and not only hurt you. But also is now affecting what should be a good and healthy relationship. I know I found it beneficial. I just ended my year and half relationship a few hours ago. This feed has definitely helped me start my recovery process.
My ex has consistently criticized, love bombed, gas lighted and used other tactics. He was a master at manipulating and confusion. A very large inflated ego. Facebook was his high platform for admiration. I verbally fought back all the time to stand up for myself. Hey Heather, just take it one day at a time.
He might contact you for a while, to get an ego fix. Emotional abuse can take some time to heal and recover from, as you need to find yourself again. Get professional help if you need to. Delete him and block him. I did so much for her basically gave up so much in life for her and in the end she cheated on me and i found that part out because I got a STD from her and when confronted she tried to make me believe that I can just get that or she would never cheat on me. Not everyone is the same. You will heal and recover.
You just have to give it time. I went thru the same thing. Four years of walking on eggshells.
Told in the morning, he loved me and he would switch on a dime, and hate me. I got the silent treatment for weeks and weeks over nothing. He was mentally and physically abusive. He called me every name in the book, for nothing , like forgetting something at the store. I lost my house and job and friends, while is is happy with his new supply. This behaviour also sounds similar to narcissism. Sociopaths are usually charismatic and charming, or at least they try to be, until the mask slips, most of their adverse behaviour is hidden, causing collosal damage.
Sociopaths like the sound of their own voice. If there is silence they are usually gaming someone else. Losing your home, job and friends, is common with dating sociopaths. I am really sorry that this happened to you, it is horrible, I went through the same. It can be soul destroying that you have experienced so many losses, and they go off into the sunset, but comfort yourself that those losses you WILL recover. Friends who are your real true friends will still be there, and those who are not, well good riddance to them. Losses allow you to bring new things into your life. They can say such things then walk, because they are empty inside.
Celebrate that you are not.
- Recovering from a Relationship with a Sociopath.
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While it hurts you, at least you do have the ability to love and to feel, further contact with him would only mean further losses. Love yourself, and treat yourself as your own best friend. It does get better. I had the same thing happen to me. Had a two week trip planned he canceled by text because I set a boundary. Then told me he felt sorry for me? I ignored the red flags. I am going through hell right now and I just want to get in my car and drive to no where. I have been married for 19 years to what I believe is a sociapath now after reading this article. Everything in this article describes him.
He just discarded me and my two boys July 3. He has ended our lease and just found out he has been having another apartment down the street for a couple of months. So we are out at the end of the month and I will be staying at a hotel till I figure things out. Thank you for your comment. What makes you think he is a Sociopath? Have you read my most recent post on this topic it should be front of the website page. I am sorry that you are hurting. As you have no closure. However, would need far more information before you determine if this person is a sociopath you would have been living in hell since day one.
Other people are a game to them. I could tell our relationship was different once he got the commutation but he kept telling me how freaked out he was to be going to the free world after so many years of imprisonment and that I needed to be patient with him.
Coping with pain after discard | Dating a Sociopath
In retrospect, I can see he had no intention of continuing our relationship in the free world. The whole thing is truly sickening. But I am so glad to be rid of him now, and to see clearly who he really is—a master con artist who cruelly and insidiously took advantage of my simple human need to have a family. I hope I never see or hear from him again as long as I live. I just was discarded after a 6 week reconnection with a man I knew from childhood.