And while physical compliments are nice, they can sometimes be, well, empty. Most people would rather receive a compliment about something they wrote in their profile. Bonus points if you add a little information about yourself. It keeps the conversation going and gives them something to respond to. I made a great vegetarian lasagna a few nights ago. My favorite is baseball. I have an Australian Cattle Dog named River. I wonder if we have any friends in common. One of the best ways to start a conversation is by asking a question.
Again, it gives them something to respond to. Even better if this can also relate to something they wrote in their profile. Cut to the chase. This article and some of the comments make feel like I'm way different than the norm. I never message women first. I don't have to. I get a lot of interest.
No I'm nothing special and in fact I'm a portly 50 something with hair to the middle of my back. I get a lot of women complimenting me on my profile and chatting me up. My profile only states what I'm interested in, what my hobbies are and what I won't put up with. I let the women make all the moves. They offer me their number, and they ask me out. They also are the first to start talking about their romantic interests. I have plenty of dates and more.
Not all of these women are barbie dolls but I don't care and they know it up front. I love the conversation and attention and so do they. My main goal is to come across as friendly, polite and safe. If I'm so good at this then why am I still out there? Because I have pretty high expectations and I refuse to settle for less. I have started a few "relationships" only to find out that the woman I met wasn't the woman I was chatting with.
Oh they are in the same body but someone stole the woman I was chatting with and substituted a sorry replacement. Until I find Ms right I'll keep enjoying the conversation and dating. I'm a good looking 6'1" muscled, athletic, green eyed guy that has no trouble attracting women in real life.
What features matter most?
I have a good job, own a home want kids. I work third shift and travel a lot. After talking for a while I ask them out. This is excluding the offers from gay men who messaged me more often then women I'm not gay and not interested. At this point I have sent out well thought out messages, in other words one a night for over three months on average.
One was old enough to be my mother, I was probably in kindergarten when her picture was taken. I look young for my age so we didn't even look like a couple. Two were morbidly obese, I'm not looking for a super model but I'm also not looking for someone who can't climb a flight of stairs and is going to have major health issues, we lead completely different lifestyles, my profile states that I bicycled miles last summer and lists rock climbing, spelunking and kayaking as hobbies.
Yes, we may read the same novels, but I do it on top of that foot cliff I climbed. Thought this was the one, and asked her for a second date, She wanted to go home with me. I told he I really don't want to move that fast, I don't' sleep around but once we got to know each other better. She said she really couldn't' as he husband would be back from a work trip..
Um, seriously I think you might have mentioned that before accepting a date. I'm glad I didn't kiss her. I have a yearly membership as a patron so no added cost to me but still. Because of my lifestyle I have a choice between online dating and being single, at this point I'm being single.
I joined a site and received hundreds of requests within two days. I was polite and friendly to all but all I got was disgusting offers. I have tried multiple on line dating sites. I have found there is no such thing as a free dating site, If you use your credit card your asking for trouble at your bank. Women only want your bank and your comments about sex are necessarily true.
Women have said to me let's f It seems to be the same for all sites. Whatever happened to just meeting in public and talking. When I suggest this, the response is I am not perfect and yes I like sex, and a lot of it. But this never makes for a relationship or to me, show the thanks or appreciation I want to give to a woman. I want to hear her opinions, ides and thoughts. But they just want my genital size and bank account size. Nor as being innocent of their actions in seeking men.
I have had some sick stuff from woman too.
What do you think about all these sex sites and why so many?? If you are not looking to get laid don't go there. If you are there, don't be surprised at some of the responses. Take a look in your own mirror. I have tried several of the sites above. Oh its great if you are some well off good looking guy. But us Joe Smoes out there get inboxes full of girls but we can't look at them until we pay up. The minute we do, suddenly no one talks to you. Online dating is for the well to do, smooth talkers, and the good looking.
For guys who are genuine and respond to womens' profiles not just their pictures it would be nice to receive a reply such as, "Not feeling chemistry, but thanks for the message. The frustration of men comes from being earnest about responding thoughtfully and then getting no reply whatsoever. These men don't reply back nastily, but just accept that there won't be a reply. But it would be nice to get a reply either way. Some of us women do write well thought out messages and the men won't respond. I wonder if these dating sites use algorithms to block matched users from seeing each other unless one of them pays up.
And the longer you pay them, the fewer matches you get. I've read other comments from users who said as soon as they're about to cancel, they get better matches. Some of these end up being fake profiles created by the company or stolen accounts from previous users. I think we're dealing with ransom level corruption with dating apps looking to turn a profit.
On ok Cupid I once had a guy message me they wanted to dress up in a French maid costume and be my table. I kid you not. Interesting article but I do feel it's a bit one sided I just don't have a problem with that. For women it is a more pressing issue of safety. Anyway, I tried Match for a year. My view is it was a total waste of money not counting the value of learning that fact.
I would say I'm a good guy but then again who wouldn't. For what it's worth, my experience was reading over profiles and I couldn't even guess on how many I viewed. Most of those were dreadful tripe or just plain lazy. Despite that I ended up sending about attempts to start a conversation in hopes of finding more substance. Most of these were along the lines of "Hello, I see you like art museums. Do you have a favorite artist or style?
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I'm a fan of impressionists and really like VanGogh. Would you care to talk a little? I deleted the income and everything but the Match solicitations ended. I ended with a shorter summary and no income. In the end I had 4 actual responses, about 15 read notifications without response and at least 2 solicitations from Match a day. Not a good percentage to be sure. Maybe I'm just a horrible guy but if not then I have a theory about what is going on. I'm thinking when Match started having the men pay so the women can read that the number of women with paid accounts dropped.
Interesting to me that salary was a bigger driver than summary. I guess some women are just looking for a paycheck, I just didn't realize how many on Match were. Unfortunately I was trying to find a friend and partner in life. Maybe I will someday. Hopefully my experience will help other descent guys thinking of Match. Unfortunately I still am on Match.
As my subscription ended I actually found someone that was talking to me. I didn't figure it was serious but we were talking and I liked that. I tried to send alternate means of keeping the conversation going with no luck. After the subscription ended I got several notifications of messages and finally decided it was worth the cash just to keep the pen pal. On renewing my account about 3 days I messaged her and she responded that I should renew so we could keep talking.
When I told her I already had the conversation ended and she blocked me. My suspicion is that was some form of customer retention activity but maybe I am just paranoid. At this point I have stopped messaging women. I update my profile summary periodically and wait to see if anyone has interest in me so I feel I am not aggressively seeking anything. So far nothing and I don't expect there will be any until the subscription gets close to expiring. Hopefully I finally learned my lesson on that.
I love the idea of finding someone that way but it is a fairy tale from what I have seen. Hopefully it's a fairy tale someone else gets to live. I like that idea. It's how it's been done since the dawn of man and still being done today. If you feel a computer and "profile" is some kind of required to find a truly loving relationship wishing you all the best with that attitude. I'm not saying you don't want to set yourself up, or go out to places where you could be noticed or approached.
But it also happens when your not "desperately" chasing it either like people are online. Another reason I don't favor online dating is it sets most up with this "let me look for grass that might be greener on the side" type mentality. Strong relationships are built strong, seasoned and nurtured with time and care -- there is no grass is greener on the other side. Hannah, that's exactly the type of mentality that is ruining most of relationships. You gave it a perfect name. Yes, indeed most people are not willing to sacrifice or compromise anything for a good relationship nowadays, and always going on with that "the grass may be greener on the other side" type of mentality.
Not leaning towards the troubles women go through with online dating Yes, women must be on their guard No bad women of course. I've had some success with some wonderful ladies, some are not so nice. Either a guy gets a reply from a gal he's attracted to or "cricket" If she is attractive she has the pick of the bunch. It's a crap shoot. Not all guys are bad unfortunately bad apples can ruin many.
One was a sex act, one a pic of his bowel movement. I blocked him after the texts wouldn't stop. Women please please b careful - have the long talks letting them talk more - they will tell u all u need without knowing. I never spoke about sex w this freak but he accused me of playing sex games. Terrifying that I met someone straight out a serial killer movie or criminal minds. I hope he gets locked up. Mind u this man "seemed " normal until I stopped talking to him.
I was sent 2 messages by a disappointed man in his late 60's. The messages were abusive, and scared the hell out of me!! I am no longer interested in online dating sites. Men have unrealistic expectations for women my age. And most look like serial killers. They need to learn how to take more flattering pics of themselves. I also encountered at least 6 fraudulent male profiles.
Thank you for saying this. Men need to take better care of themselves and not leave it up to the women. I think this speaks of a generation of men who are used to having their mothers wait on them hand and foot. It was like that growing up and that is the reason I'm not interested in men in their 60s. I find that men don't even look at your profile. I have alot of specifics and they still message me. I even state that I want my race,no hook up, want long term. What I'm intrested in. Yet they always ask what do you like to do.
I want to know if I have any recourse or anyone to report it to. That left me devastated. He gave me he bank account and I head the large balance he has. I looked it up online. Its a real bank. Can you take a telebanking line? Not all guys are arrogant, self absorbed jerks wanting one night stands. So, it seems all men are thrown into the same mix of dirtbags. I've dated a lot of ladies and yes I have my standards. Who wants to settle. The gals I've dated were attractive and my ex wife was good looking.
The head games played by women, empty profile or blatant ignores makes online dating a serious crapshoot. Yeah while I have some sympathy for the douches you guys have met I still feel the need to say cry me an ocean to this article. I stopped reading at the point she said she had messages and didn't reply to any of them. Yep think about that for a second and welcome to the other side of the dating game! You know how happy I or most guys would be to have so much attention from girls on dating sites lol? Tell you what why don't you just try it from the mens side. Get a decent picture of one of your guy friends, go and read some profiles of girls you see on there, what little they put down outside of I like friends family and traveling.
Now try to send them a message about something you have in common. Then just keep a tally of every time you do that and repeat the process about times. Why times you say well because I can almost guarantee you no matter what I say she isn't going to respond. Hell I'm kind of wondering why I'm not asking women for naked pics right up front at least they get responses it would seem!
Met all on Plenty of Fish: Man who dated 3 years refused to commit, I broke up. Man who dated 6 months refused to commit, I broke up. Man who dated 3 times wanted casual sex only, he refused to spend money on dates, I stopped meeting him. Man who pressured me to move in after dating 6 weeks, couldnt get through first dissagreement , I moved out.
I have met so many men online who are only interested in you until they win you over then they reject you. Or only interested in putting you in the spot to service them sexualy while they scout around for something better, thats ridiculous. He claimed he didnt want to attend church with me as he didnt want anyone to think he is married. One agressive guy followed me out to my car once, very scarry. New flash, women dont want to sleep with strange men they just met.
You dont have sex with a stranger then try to wrap a relationship around it, you create a relationahip them top it off with sex. While I agree a healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship I was shocked at the suggestion. Most guys who just want a hook up will say so but he tried insisting he really wanted a relationship, we just had to pass the good sex test first.
Then there are the guys who say they they want to meet and "just cuddle" at your place or theirs on the first date. And can't understand why there is a list of problems with this. You want to do more than just cuddle, so just say that in your profile rather than wasting a girls time. And I'm never ever going to have someone come to my place or go to their place for a first date. I've been currently using dating sites again and right now its a living hell for me. I agree with the guy below that being alone for the past decade for me has been quite maddening.
I'm a 39 year old male that lives alone in a 2 bedroom apartment, and I've never had kids. Getting severe bouts of depression every once in while and some very emotionally crushing anguish about what could have been. And the worst part is It lasted almost 4 years and was very serious that we wanted to get married. Something just clicked once we got to know each other better. And unfortunately we ended up mutually agreeing to break up due to some extremely horrible external pressure and didn't want to see each other suffer.
Nobody cheated, nobody hated the other, and it wasn't an issue with our families. Thank you economic "recession". She even wanted to find a job to keep us afloat, but due to our situation it wouldn't have been good for her being a foreign national not legally registered to work. She recently got in touch with me again after 10 years to catch up and see how I was doing.
If it weren't for the fact that her life has advanced much more than mine, it would have been no trouble for us to get back together. I'm not getting anywhere involved with her again except on a friendship basis. Her husband is providing her with the life I wanted to, and she has the family life that we could have had. And I refuse to be involved romantically at all. The time has passed, and the clock cannot be turned back. It's been hard as hell trying to find that kind of loving and understanding relationship again.
I'm not expecting the same exact thing as what I had My recent experiences on the dating website I use has been pretty pathetic. I received one direct response from what appears to have been a scammer, as their profile has been removed within a day of being put up.
I've only gotten 2 smiles one from the scammer. The one reply I received from a woman I wrote, apparently she was looking for sexual relationship only. I didn't entertain that idea any further and informed her of a site she could use to satisfy her needs if she wasn't looking for natural dating.
Another woman responded to a message I initiated and while this one seemed normal I'm worried that I as a man looking for a real relationship that results in marriage, I will end dying childless. My mother hasn't been much help as she believes that for some reason I should be able to have children when I'm I calculated my life expectancy and I told her I needed to at least no later than my early 40s as there would be another 20 years to raise a child into reasonable adulthood and not be so old when and if there may be grandchildren I'll still be able to function.
No response is equal to "maybe she didn't read it or get to see it" in guy logic. Men do have more competition than women. I want to ask women Or even better yet. I've sent 39 messages in the past 3 weeks alone and only got 2 legitimate responses. I have been on on line dating for just over a year.
Unfortunately no luck so far. I have met a couple of scammers and thankfully caught on before investing too much time. I am a bit older 53 very secure and confident. I consider myself a decent, good looking woman who is fit with just a few extra pounds. In the past year I have sent messages at least men and gotten 0 responses back. I have received a lot of messages asking to " hook up" etc I have been ghosted by 3 of them when I thought the conversations were going well I have learned to listen to those little red flags that 20 years ago I would have ignored.
Yes I have had the messages straight up about sex but I just ignore those I get interests from guys that live thousands of miles away even though I clearly state I am not interested in a long distance relationship. The guys I message are ones who's profiles interest me and who I see some common interests.
But as I said before, I rarely get an answer. It leaves me wondering just what are they looking for and perhaps I am just not "hot" enough for them. That's ok, I am still happy, still me, still single, just a bit perplexed but I have not given up. I was on the dating site OkCupid. I met this Australian man who profile name was Ayapi. He was asking for sex in two minutes of talking to me. He also was on Plenty Of Fish. He have a sex website online with a lot of nude women.
He was trying to get me to take nude pictures and videos. I met other scammers on OkCupid as well. One went to jail for scamming people out of money. They don't care who use their site. It's a danger for the women and for some men. Online dating has NEVER worked for me, even when I was serious about it I was meeting the guys who were serial daters and not looking for a relationship or con artist or scammers who were looking to mooch off of a women and then of course the perverted guys that were looking to hook up, they made it known immediately what they wanted to do with you sexually.
It sucked to me. I'm happy for the people who go on to find real relationships from these sites, I've had zero luck. I'm not surprised at your results. The men weren't feisty with your profile because it's not what they are lusting after. Men are only angry at profiles of the trophy girls who respond with iciness, insults or silence. She must be thin, usually blonde with light eyes, primarily Caucasian.
Use that profile pic and you'll see the firestorm of interest. With the chick you used the men will only be nice because they're not ego invested in her at all. Also you didn't turn any of the men down to get a response. So you didn't give them a reason to invest in you.
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Just wait until you turn guys down as a blonde. That's when you better put up your photon force fields. All those blogs you read of women being confronted with nasty emails are basically white chicks bragging that they are the coveted princesses in this country. They have a litany of suitors after them who see them as dating status symbols and they set up blogs basically to complain to the world that the population of men isn't picture perfect like in a Maxim magazine. The white chicks are so used to the endless attention they make a sport of rejecting these guys or luring the guys on with empty promises for fun.
It's this random chaos and disrespect the men deal with when pursuing their dream girls that is the source of all online vitriol. So when the girls turn these guys down they get revenge emails like balls of fire. Your chick is just a boring safe brunette so who cares what she does? The chick you put up isn't anyone's idea of a girlfriend, more like a one night stand. That's why you got no controversy from her. I've only used okcupid. A woman, 29 years old, been on for 6 months. My experience is not very pleasant as well.
I find it strange, that so many men here say, that they are looking for a relationship. Yes, its true, that most women get lots of attention, but that doesn't mean anything. All girls that i know, want to find an actual boyfriend, and hopefully, eventually, someone to move in with, get married, have kids etc. But the vast majority of the guys just want to "chill and netflix". Sometimes, i feel like women are a bit more honest. If we don't respond, we are not interted - that's it. Sorry, we can't be interested in every single person that messages us.
Sometimes, there might be nothing wrong with you, but we all have our types and dealbreakers. I keep finding guys who seem interested in me, but whenever things get too serious for their liking, they run away like crazy. I'd rarher be ignored, than led on till i start developing feelings just to have my heart broken. I'm not even talking about numerous people asking if i want to come to their place tonight or if i want to be their slave or want them to be my slave or if i'm into oral sex right of the bat. I'd rather see that and just block them, than meeting someone who seems nice and genuine, and then to find out they are just players, use me or just not ready for a relationship.
I haven't had chemistry with most of the people I met, so we never went on the 2nd date. But here are 3 guys, that i thought we were getting somewhere with, and they all left me heartbroken:. The first guy i met was ok. I was recently out of a 5 year relationship, he was out of a long relationship too. We had too many drinks and ended up having sex pretty fast. I thought he'd think i'm way too easy and will never talk to me again.
Instead, we started seeing each other regularly.
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I wasn't that much into him, but i was still not recovered from my past relationship and, i guess, wanted to have someone there for me. He was in a similar position, so it all seemed to be working well. Eventually, he started treating me better and better. We never talked about being exclusive, defining our relationship, yet we'd spend lots of time together, we'd go out, hold hands, kiss and make out in public with no problem, he was making me dinners, help with manly stuff around the house etc.
So i have slowly started falling for him. I even made a house party once, and invited him, and he came and met all of my friends. It lasted for about a month. One day i was driving, and saw him walking and holding hands with another girl and we live in a big city and not in the same area. What are the chances? I confronted him about it later, and he said how he never said he wanted a relationship, he is just out of one, and he enjoys his time with me, but he is not ready for a new one and wants to see what's out there.
I didn't like the 2nd guy i met right away. He wasn't physically attractive to me, but he was really funny and interesting to talk to. I would have loved him to be my friend if we haven't met on the dating website. He kept asking me out. I decided to go out with him a few more times, just because he was fun to be around, but never felt any chemistry. Even felt bad for leading him on, but kept seeing other guys.
He started pursing me like crazy, he was very very nice to me, so eventually i have started liking him. I have enjoyed being treated like a princess and thought to myself "wow, this guy is really nice and is really into me, who else would treat me like that? And i decided to give it a chance and started developing feelings too. After 2 months, we were hanging out one evening, and he started going on and on about how he can't believe that he met someone so amazing online, how he did't expect this to happen, how he is sick of online dating and doesn't wanna see anyone else.
So we talked and decided to make it serious and delete our profiles in front of each other. So all was great, no problems, fights or other issues. Again, why start and waste 2 months of my life? The last guy, was actually the first one i have liked instantly. I wasn't expecting that, but i really liked him the moment i met him.
He seemed interested too. He complained to me about online dating from male point of view, how most of the women he met are boring. He is highly educated and is very picky about intelligence of women he dates, and he said he was amazed by me, because he felt it was so easy to talk to me right away, i'm smart and attractive. He was asking me out every days which was unusual and it told me he is really into me. He was also very nice to me and we could talk forever. He has to wake up early for work, but we were still talking and making out till late when we saw each other.
After 3 weeks, i had crazy feelings for him, and he seemed to have too. He canceled one of the dates for seemingly legit reason. I was cool about it, and told him that its ok, and we can see each other some other time. After that, he became very distant. Disappeared for a few days, then messaged again apologizing telling me about the problems he had. Then he would just randomly message me every few days, but never offered to go out again.
And eventually just stopped messaging me. I think men and women gave different problems with online dating, but we ha e it equally hard. Guys don't get responses, women find players. I completely agree with what a lot of men are saying. I was married 30 years only to be violently attacked by an alcoholic wife. I set myself out there and the women just play games.
They say stupid things and just look for attention. It is one of the biggest dating sites with over 90 million registered users across the globe. It is also available in 5 different languages. The company focuses on the interests of people in a certain age range who want a place to feel confident and comfortable while seeking a potential date. Zoosk is a singles dating app that uses a behavioral matchmaking engine to pair users who its system indicates will be a good match.
The app is available in over 80 countries and has over 27 million searchable members. EHarmony began in Santa Monica in It uses a compatibility matching system to link up people with complementary personalities and lifestyles and has worked with millions of users over the past 15 years. My Social Calendar connects people with similar social interests by planning fun events for socializing.
Locations include Washington D. FirstMet, formerly known as AYI, is an online dating service that can be accessed through a mobile or Facebook app and on the web. The free platform allows users to connect with new people based on mutual friends and interests. Bumble is a dating app that only allows women to initiate contact in opposite-sex connections; in same-sex connections either party may initiate contact. OKCupid is one of the most popular dating sites and is free to sign up initially. It works with special algorithms that match users with potential dates. Launched in , OKCupid works with many populations of people.
This Christian dating site focuses on matches single men and women who share the same faith and beliefs. The site features personalized profiles and advanced communication tools to help members form meaningful connections. It is important to decide how much you can afford to pay before committing to a site. Online dating websites offer a variety of methods on how to search for a mate.
Some mobile apps will match you with people based on criteria, including age, gender, and geographic proximity. More traditional sites may offer anything from a simple search to a highly specific advanced search. Some more seriously minded sites request that members fill out elaborate compatibility questionnaires. If you have a very specific set of interests, there are many sites that may cater to your niche. Some of these niche sites are Farmersonly. Depending on the dating site, all other members might be able to see your profile and message you. Check to see what safeguards are put in place by the site, and which ones you can enable to limit those who sees your profile.
Most dating sites have become extremely good about policing their members for negative or unsafe behavior. There are several sites that offer additional levels of security including background checks and photo verification. The features of the dating site should be the features you want and will use, especially if it is a paid site. These features could include private emails, proximity search, chat rooms and more.
These sites have the broadest appeal and generally the largest membership bases. They tend to attract a wide variety of members with personal goals that range from a casual fling to a serious lifelong relationship. Some of these sites include Match. These dating sites are geared towards people looking to meet up with someone for drinks as friends, or more spur-of-the-moment dates. These are the dating sites that delve into compatibility and really try to find a love match for their members. Focusing on a narrow pool of candidates, these online dating sites help match people up with someone of a similar religion, profession, or sexual orientation.
Examples within this category include Jdate for Jewish singles, Geek2Geek and Farmersonly for farmers and the people who want to meet them. The explosion of Niche and mobile dating solutions has made online dating more convenient and efficient than any other time in the history of the industry. Meeting people in a new town can be challenging.
This is also a good way to get to know people in your new town and meet friends, not just potential romantic partners. Whether it is your work schedule or just a hectic life, online dating offers a convenient 24 hour a day solution for people in search of new friends, dates, or more. My Social Calendar is a different type of online dating site.
Instead of setting you up with one date at a time, the company schedules events in cities around the country. Members choose which ones they want to attend for a fun way to meet new people and have new experiences. It has been helping singles find partners since , it now serves people in over 24 countries with sites in 15 different languages. The company is intended for users 35 and older. Created in , the site serves millions of members through a unique profile format and optional question and answer section.
They claim to be responsible for over new marriages every day in the US. PositiveSingles is the leading online dating site for singles who have tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease.