Judging by the emails, phone calls and website hits he receives, he estimates that there are thousands more Australians in similar situations. In the end, one way or another, almost all men who reach out to the group end up coming out. In most cases they do this on their own terms, but sometimes they are outed when wives discover emails, internet histories, Grindr use or text conversations.
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When he got married, Jim knew something was different. He knew he had been attracted to men in adolescence, but it was something he tried not to think about. The path of marrying a high school sweetheart was well-worn among members of his group, especially by older men. In both Sydney and Boston, the average age of men who come to group meetings has been falling.
With more awareness, younger men are often quicker to come to terms with their sexuality. A claim to bisexuality is common among married men in the early stages of grappling with their sexuality. But both Jim and Steven say that men who end up identifying as bisexual in the long-term are in the minority — most husbands in their groups eventually come to realise they are predominantly attracted to men.
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How is it possible for them to fall in love with a woman but still be attracted to men? I gay or am I bi, what am I? For men who have already married women, that self-acceptance is often tangled shame, betrayal, guilt and dread. A world of gay cruising opened up to him, he realised there were others like him, and that they were everywhere.
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Over the next year he had several sexual encounters with other men. He loathed himself for it.
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It was in one of those fights that he finally ripped off the band-aid and told her. His wife discovered her high school sweetheart was gay. He was her husband, the father of her children. For men, it can be the climax of a long period of turmoil. Indeed, she never did. The pair kept their family together stayed under the same roof for ten years.
Women often find themselves grappling with shock, betrayal, isolation, shame, and anger. For Jim, life out of the closet has been a radical departure. The married father of two suddenly found himself navigating the gay dating world for the first time. Gay friends are often fascinated by his former life. Decades since coming out, Jim still talks to his wife regularly. For support, call or email info gamma. If you are new to online dating or want to find out more about the online dating scene then check out the Soulmates Blog for great tips and advice and to hear from gay couples who've found love through Soulmates.
Gary, 35, is a social work manager living in the West Country.
He was born with cerebral palsy; a disability that affects mobility and balance. Date safe Our unique privacy and moderation policies make messaging and meeting potential Soulmates simple, secure and stress-free. Guyliner shares his top 10 gay dating tips to help you bag a great date.