Establishing principles for Christian dating could set men and women on a course toward Christ-centered marriages. Laying out guidelines for dating as followers of Jesus could alter the lives of men and women by keeping them out of toxic and unhealthy relationships and ultimately marriages.
Christian Dating Rule #1: Instead of “godliness”, look for growth in your partner’s faith
Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox! Click here to subscribe to our newsletter. Most importantly, guidelines and principles for dating could transform lives and shape eternities. So, this is incredibly important. And we have a responsibility as men and women of God to be pro-active. But we can't be pro-active unless principles are established. So I am starting the conversation. I hope and pray the words from this post will spark further conversations in your ministries, relationships and homes. Here are 10 really important principles for Christian dating.
Mostly because "the one" doesn't exist. The truth is you could spend your life with more than one person. If you need to take a minute to let that sink in, I will be here when you get back. Alright, glad you returned. God doesn't set up marriage as a divine lottery where every person has one winning ticket. That would make God a gambler, and the Bible clearly says gambling is from the devil only joking. But "the one" very much paints God this way. Look, marriage isn't as much about finding someone totally compatible as it is about committing to someone despite difficulties and differences.
And discovering one flaw means it's time to move on.
If you have already gone too far, why stop?
But the beauty of marriage is God sustains you despite your flaws. The brokenness you see in yourself and the brokenness you experience from your spouse point both of you to the only perfect one, God.
You either leave unsatisfied or you take something that isn't yours. That'll preach right there. If you are a Christian, there is no reason to date without a trajectory towards marriage. Now, I want to clarify what I mean. Dating with a trajectory toward marriage means dating with a purpose.
It means dating with an understanding of the gospel. It means dating someone who meets the values and goals you have for a future spouse more on that later. Casual or purposeless dating has no benefit for Christians.
Christian Dating Rules, Guidelines, and Etiquette to Abide By
We are intentional beings. We are designed to know why we do stuff and where we are going. Dating is no different. Now, please, please, please don't be a freakish weirdo. Dating with a trajectory towards marriage doesn't mean you only date one person ever. That would be awesome, but it's not always realistic. You might get into a relationship with someone who loves Jesus, meets the values you have in a future spouse and is compatible with you. But once you get into the relationship, you realize things aren't as they seemed. Maybe they like to cuddle with cats or something.
That's always a deal breaker. A date is not dating. Again, please don't be a freakish weirdo and give Christians a negative label. Having coffee or going to eat dinner with the opposite sex is not dating. Dating is more intimate. It involves sharing personal struggles and vulnerability. So if you choose not to get coffee or watch a movie with the opposite sex, then whatever.
Christian Dating Rules, Guidelines, and Etiquette to Abide By
But don't place that expectation on others. The ultimate purpose of marriage is sanctification becoming like God. So, my question is, "How does dating a non-Christian aid you in this? If you are a Christian, God isn't a piece of your pie. He is the pie. Why date someone who doesn't even have God as a piece of the pie? My wife loves the Lord, and I can say with all certainty I wouldn't be following Jesus without her. There will be days when life is crashing down, your faith is wavering, and the only thing left will be your spouse.
Don't put the cart before the bullock and everything will be fine! Whom Should You Date. If Jesus is the first love of your life and has flooded your heart with His love, then move to the next question of 'whom should you date?
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For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? In simple words this means do not date non-believers. Just because we are born in Christian families does not mean we become Christians. Yes, in the world's eyes we definitely are called Christians, but, we can only call ourselves Christians if we have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ after putting our faith in Him and confessing that He is God.
While dating you need to check if you both are equally yoked.
Is he or she you are dating a believer of Jesus Christ? Has he or she made a personal commitment? Do not cling to the hope that one day you can convert the person and lead to him to Christ. This is a common mistake people make. They feel after getting married to the person, he or she can change their spouse. Don't try to change or convert any person. That person will only hate you even more and will resent Christianity and Christians. Thus, only be yoked with believers.
How does this matter? If you place two piles of hay at different ends and leave the horses to go and have their meal, what happens? If one horse wants to eat from pile 'A' and the second horse wants to eat from pile 'B' and both are equally stubborn and refuse to give in, what will the outcome be? It's simple, both walk towards the respective piles, but, due to the cord tying them they cannot reach their hay. Moreover, the cord tying them will only rub its way into their skin and cause them to hurt and bleed. This is exactly what happens in a marriage tying two people of different beliefs, different principles.
It's not that people of two faiths have not been able to live together, scores of people are unequally yoked, however, by doing this we are only forfeiting the blessings God had in store for us had we married a person in His will. Pray about the person you are interested in dating. Bring him before God and ask God if he or she is in His perfect will. Pray that the door will close if he or she is not the right person for you. God will never force his opinion on you. You can marry whom you want, it's your choice.
It's also your choice if you want to seek God's will in this area. He will only give you the 'BEST'! The world does not see sleeping with your date as a big deal. In fact live-in relationships are so widely accepted that the covenant of marriage is no longer considered important before a man and woman unite. Fornication, premarital sex, etc. The Bible clearly states in 1 Corinthians 6: All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. Thus, it is clear that till a couple does not enter the marriage covenant, having sexual relations is sin. Sexual sin has dire consequences, so do not play the fool. The best way to avoid being tempted in this area is to avoid meeting at place where you both will be alone. Go around to crowded places or hang out with other couples. We are all humans and are all vulnerable. By avoiding secluded places, one can actually block any room for temptation to take over. Remember that even if you both love each other and are pledged to get married, nothing justifies sex before marriage.
The order is love, marriage and sex, not love, sex and marriage. Honor God in your relationship and He will honor you and your spouse. These are just three of the foundational Christian dating rules. If the foundation is set right, the building constructed on it will stand firm. Bring your heart's desires before God's throne and see how He will bless your life abundantly! Tips for Dating a Mormon. Conversation Starters with a Guy. Things to Talk About on a First Date.