They will always want to have a dose and bond better with drugs than find ways to add value to your world. They can be so volatile. Instead of working on improving your relationship, they are battling their drug addiction. They are always trying to be for you, but it seems that they only get you caught up in their worries. They are not sure about their emotional stability. Most times they are not even present in the relationship. Drug addicts tend to hang out with other drug addicts. You would have to be tolerant of their friends also who must be addicts as well. Money is a crucial tool to sustain such an expensive habit.
So if they are not having the money to buy drugs, they will certainly run to you for funds. But it could go beyond giving them money for drugs.
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They could run away with some other drug addict. There is no certainty in the future of the relationship. They must have lied to you in the past. It is hard to trust them because they are always looking for ways to get money for their terrible habit. Even when they become clean, you will find it difficult to trust them.
Dating an addict certainly pushes you to understanding the depth of forgiveness.
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Of course it is a struggle for you to make them better persons. Unfortunately, you just have to be as tolerant as possible.
It is one thing though to forgive them, it is another thing to forgive yourself for being in love with them. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. He had been clean for more than a year when we met. Last month, I discovered that he had relapsed four months ago, and had lied to hide it. He has since confessed and referred himself to a treatment centre.
I feel betrayed and cannot imagine ever trusting him again. I had suspicions that he was taking drugs again, but he defends his deception of me by claiming that he thought he could sort himself out on his own and did not want to cause me any pain. I had been helping to fund him through his degree, which he has now abandoned.
I realise I may have been naive in not expecting this to happen.
I believe the strength of my feelings for him prevented me from fully considering the implications of being in a relationship with someone with a history of addiction. I don't feel I can leave him when he needs my support, but I am questioning what sort of future we could have together. I worry about the impact his addiction might have on any children we may have, but I am even more worried about the loss of trust.
You are not alone: Try not to feel guilty about your partner's relapse or your own legitimate need for help - if he is leaning on you for support, then aren't you entitled to the same? You had a successful three years together while he was not using drugs, and you could reclaim this time if his treatment is successful - if your relationship was as strong and happy as you say, I doubt that all is lost.
It is promising that your partner referred himself for treatment, which is a crucial first step on the road to recovery and not one to be taken for granted. That you are discussing and working things through together is also excellent and increases his chances of success. It is, of course, understandable that you are experiencing a loss of trust, but is this limited to his drug use, or has it brought other problems to light? This is a very important question when considering your future together, and you may have to accept that there are some tough times ahead.
While sudden withdrawal of support may seem harsh, I suggest you do some reading up and convince yourself it is necessary. You may be lucky - this could be the shock that helps him put his addiction behind him for good - but you need to be realistic about the aspects of his personality that have led him into addiction and deceit. You are lucky that this crisis has arisen after a relatively short time: Whether you stay or go, I suggest you get some counselling yourself, or at least find an honest friend with whom you can discuss why you have taken on the supportive role, and how you can find a relationship of real interdependence.
Name and address withheld. You may need to change your attitude to addicts. Most do not succeed in rehab the first time, and while I would never advocate the use of heroin, many users - even those with children - manage their addiction well. This is particularly true of those who don't have to steal to fund it. You would be surprised how many professional people are addicts. The deceit is painful but understandable. Your partner will have felt ashamed, as well as truly believing that he could rehabilitate himself. He has now had the courage to confess and seek appropriate support.
It is a pain to have supported him in his abandoned attempt to study, but he can go back to his degree later if he wants to. Your love and support will be invaluable in his treatment but they must be almost unconditional. You will have to revise your plans, and they may never include children. Think past the here and now to what is really important to you, as well as how you will cope with the immediate circumstances. This man has chosen to take heroin again and now you are in a position where leaving him would feel like letting him down when he needs you.
That is shifting the guilt to you, which is classic addict behaviour. It's up to you whether or not you let his addiction run your life too. Addictions don't go away - they can resurface when the addict is under stress or bored, or suddenly better off.
Any life change can trigger a relapse, so your rosy plans of starting a family are actually full of danger. You have found out in time that this man is untrustworthy. Get out while you still have your good name and a roof over your head. This is for his sake as well as yours, because if you don't, your love and support will go not to him, but to his addiction. You've been honest with yourself about turning a blind eye to your partner's problem when you first got together.
In the early stages of a relationship, emotion usually overrides reason, so your mindset was not unusual. Try not to waste any more energy criticising yourself about the past; you can't change it. Instead, I suggest you deal with this complex issue in two stages. First, you say you want to support your partner now, while he goes through rehab. Focus on this initially.