What happens in the brain when you learn a language?
My husband who I adore and is compatible with me on many many more levels than you cite here, including looks, religion and politics - which is a BIG one - and who comes first me, not his mom or other family - which is The Other Big One My husband is from Egypt, he speaks and writes 4 languages. His English is so-so getting better, except if he is half asleep, or thinking about other things And then he mumbles and the accent takes over and I sometimes feel ready to throw household items and scream at the top of my lungs.
Sometimes we'll have big conversations about one thing, and weeks later I'll find out my husband thought we were talking about something else entirely! If you can not love His mom lives on his property and hates all of his girlfriends? It sounds like you really don't like this guy. Do him a favor and cut him loose.
I dated a Turkish girl for several years and I aways thought it was charming when she misspoke, it gave her character It was refreshing and adorable. Her written English was noticeably worse than her spoken English however, not sure what that was about. I certainly never took the occasional incorrect word to be an indicator of her intelligence, as a matter of fact she is one of the smartest people I know.
Her English was a fuck-ton better than my Turkish, or my German, or my Spanish I'll tell you that much. I always found it impressive that she could speak as well as she could and charming when she misspoke. We had no trouble carrying on elaborate and satisfying conversations about film, theater, art, politics as well as just shooting the shit. As far as cultural differences, I found them intriguing and stimulating rather than unnerving. Which she always held her own in, in her second language, often after several drinks. Though he was born and raised in another country Should be "though he was born and raised in THIS country," i.
This has zero to do with him being Latin American.
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What you are describing aren't cultural issues; these are chemistry issues. Being mutually ready to settle down and have kids is NOT a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone when there's obviously so much else lacking. Please kindly and respectfully move on -- for both your sakes. I find this more problematic than any of the cultural differences.
My honest first reaction to this AskMe was that the relationship wouldn't work, not because of language issues, but because things like how well he salsa danced and how tall he was or the way he kissed he kisses wrong? To my thinking, there's not just one "right" way really seem to matter to you. When I saw the "yikeserama," I chalked it up to your being very young yet and not realizing how shallow all that stuff is when evaluating a potential partner.
And then I re-read the question and saw you were in your mid- to late-thirties, and, well, I still think you need to grow up and get over yourself. You come across as feeling quite superior to your partner.
You're judgmental and base your judgments on the most superficial qualities--his height, his dancing skills, the occasional grammatical errors he makes in a language that is not even his native one and, as others have already pointed out, your skills are not perfect. On the plus side, he has a nice garden and likes cats! That's what you're going with? I'd see him treating his Mother with respect as a good sign. I'd consider the fact that the height difference doesn't bother him a sign of his own self-confidence and maturity. I'd think that his willingness to try to kiss the way you think is right shows he is willing to work on the relationship.
He has loyal friends and takes care of himself, all good things. So I would probably consider him a keeper. But the two of you together? NO, this is not going to work. He deserves to be with someone who isn't freaked out by his skin color. Yeah, I agree with many others that you are judging him. I mean really judging him - for example, his second language ability means "laziness" to you? It's not like that.
His mother living on his property is not a red flag. I would say that is very likely a cultural difference, and on the contrary, it likely means he is a dedicated, responsable son who respects his mother and takes care of her. Although "latin" is a very general term, here in Mexico I have learned all about how community and family comes first, and while it is different, it's NOT a bad thing at all.
Multilingual Dating: Should I Date Someone Who Speaks Another Language?
He may not be getting all crazy tongue kissing out of respect for you. If you can let go of seeing him as exotic, and start seeing him as a man, you may have a chance. If you can't stop listing the things that you are not sure about, break up with him so that he can date someone who genuinely appreciates all of him. On preview, misha has said everything. If you were to settle down and have a family with this guy, what would you do if your children are as dark-skinned as he is? How will you react when someone asks or assumes your children are adopted because they might not look like you?
But he is lazy in that department You are already judgemental in your question. Its better perhaps to let this relationship go. He learnt english as an adult. Not every one is a linguist. Cross cultural relationship building and maintenance takes tons of generosity of spirit and willingness to stretch beyond one's own perspective of the world and the way it should be.
You cannot take one frame of reference culture and hold that up by which to evaluate someone who is from another culture. I've dated men whose first language ranged from French to Amharic to Romanian to Russian, among others. I've never run into a language barrier, but then, I've tried to meet halfway and found humor and shared jokes in the missteps. Cultural differences can be The man you're speaking of in a way that honestly hurts my heart sounds like a decent, honest, responsible, loving man. Let him find someone who appreciates him for who he is. Something to think about: Doesn't sound like it's you.
FWIW, I totally disagree with vers - cultural differences can be very challenging to work through when you're in it for the long haul, and they sometimes manifest themselves in totally strange and unexpected ways like the naming of children or how gift giving is handled. I love my husband deeply and know his culture reasonably well and am still challenged by some of the issues that come up. Cross-cultural marriages require love, sensitivity, and sometimes, careful and thoughtful negotiation. If you've 'settled', you have little chance of making it work. What I said was, "Cultural differences can be Just not nearly impossible.
I agree with you that love, sensitivity, kindness, teamwork et al are key -- that was in fact my main point. My mother is from a foreign country, and English is her second language. She speaks it amazingly well - fluently - especially when you consider that you can have any conversation with her on any topic including complex, technical ones with jargon and she can converse along, with no problem. Still, to this day, her emails contain many grammar and syntax errors that sometimes make me giggle.
I don't know what it is about writing English that was harder for her to pick up, but I can guarantee you that it is NOT due to her laziness, and, honestly, if I found out that one of her suitors had described her writing in terms similar to yours, I would tell her to bounce, post haste.
- Multilingual Dating: Dating Someone Who Speaks Another Language?.
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- 7 Things That Happen When There’s A Language Barrier In Your Relationship!
If you don't understand the words that are coming out of each other's mouths, you'll probably be doing more communicating with your body language. You might be more likely to hold hands, kiss, look into each other's eyes, and do other little things that demonstrate that you're thinking nice thoughts about them.
All of those things would be nice in a lot of relationships, but in this case, they're absolutely necessary because without them you might not really know what's going on. The same thing will happen in the bedroom as well, you'll be connected on a different level physically. Without the talking about what's going on or what you like in bed, there will be an increase in paying attention to the other person's physical body responses to what you're doing. A lot of this stuff gets overlooked, but the physiological things that happen to the body during sex and intimacy are pretty interesting.
If you're dating someone who doesn't speak your language, they're most likely from another country, and they might inspire you to visit that place. If you really like them, you might even be inspired to visit it with them. When someone comes from somewhere different than you, they have a whole different outlook on life in general, and there's no better way to experience this than to see their home country through their eyes. Traveling with a partner is a good thing to do in a relationship anyway since it's a great test to see how well you get along.
This applies even for weekend trips to wine country, but add on the added stresses and complications of international travel and you're in for a real adventure. Maybe you need a challenge in your life. Challenges are good for us because they make us step up the plate in different ways, as well as be faced with the fact that we don't know everything there is to know.
When we're never challenged we can even start to get a little rigid or arrogant in our beliefs, because we literally see the world in one way that's the right way. We don't always like this because it means change, but it makes us more developed, more interesting, and more tolerant humans.
You can't deny the fact that dating someone who speaks another language sounds a little exotic and exciting. Accents alone can be super hot, so listening to someone talk in a totally different language can definitely be music to your ears. There does tend to be some stereotypes about the exotic foreigner who sweeps the girl off her feet and becomes some sort of once in a lifetime lover. This might be true, and it might not be. There's probably something associated with the concept that foreign people are often in our lives for shorter periods of time, which makes any relationship seem safer and romantic.
If he's going back to his home country at the end of the year you already know that your time is limited so what the hell, no holding back necessary. Dating someone who speaks a different language probably means that he will be delightfully different than your ex. Your ex might have seemed like he spoke a foreign language in the sense that he was a real jerk who couldn't communicate to save his life, but this guy is different. This guy can communicate just fine, he just can't quite do it with the same words as you.
Although to be fair, you might not actually know whether he would be a good communicator if you spoke the same language, since at the moment you still do not speak the same language. If he seems like a nice guy and he's treating you well, maybe it doesn't really matter what he's saying. You'll be so distracted trying to figure it out that you definitely won't be thinking about your ex-boyfriend, that's for sure. If someone does not speak your language they probably aren't super familiar with your culture either, which means that you get to be the one to show them stuff.
Food comes to mind. You do know that most of the packaged foods and candy we have here are not in other countries, right? They've got their Nutella, but maybe he's never had Pringles or Reese's or whatever other very American snack foods you might love. There are really endless American things that you should can delight and disgust a foreigner with. Fairs, water parks, maybe even your favorite fitness class. So much stuff is going to be different than they are used to be seeing, and you get to be the one to try and explain why things they are the way they are to someone who has no clue.
Heck, you can even pretend that not interesting things are actually cultural significant if you want. Show him everything there is to see. It actually might make what you choose to communicate about more specific since it requires more of an effort. That means fewer petty fights about nothing because, well, who has the effort to do that with a language barrier?!
Dating in a foreign language – an illustrated guide | Education | The Guardian
When you don't speak the same language, you'll have to get to the heart of the matter quickly when something comes up, which can make the relationship a lot more straightforward. This also goes in the direction of communicating about the good stuff as well.
Basically, you are going to be saying what you really mean and not much other fluffy stuff because a lot of jokes and sayings don't even translate between languages. If he's visiting from another country, he probably has at least some intention of picking up some English. Not to mention that there are all kinds of words that aren't exactly slang but aren't going to be in the dictionary quite yet. Imagine how confusing it would be for a foreign person to try and understand the words we use to discuss social media.
We write on Facebook walls but not normal walls, because that's either graffiti or it will make landlords angry. We follow people on Instagram but in life that's generally considered stalking and punishable by the law. When you're trying to understand each other, making eye contact will be even more important than usual.
The good thing about making more eye contact is that it is super hot, and it's an important part of a new relationship, too. We communicate a lot of things through our eyes, particularly love and lusty feelings. Spending more time making eye contact with people can speed up and intensify the feelings of bonding and falling in love as well, so hope you like this guy. It's actually a really good marker of whether you like someone or not, how willing you are to spend time looking into their eyes.
Think about it, you do whatever you can to avoid making eye contact with that annoying guy at the gym because once you do he'll never leave you alone again. When some people make direct eye contact with you, it makes you feel exposed and uncomfortable And then with other people, eye contact feels simply wonderful. Funny how that works. It can be an amazing language and cultural exchange, but it can also be tricky. Lord of the Rings had just been released, and after we established I had never seen the film we arranged to meet and watch it together in Russian , and so a first date was born.
Will Henderson dated Marianne from Montpellier for three years. Will and Marianne met at the student bar. They were together for four months before Will had to resort to charades. That memory sticks with me a lot, if only because eating game with a spoon is very difficult.