Can you blame her? This is a close friend who watched you grow up. This friend knew you as a child. I don't see an issue with large age gaps as long as they are balanced, but this woman knew you as a baby Please take notice that all these people see your situation as weird and think about it from an outsiders point of view. Honestly a 31 y old probably shouldn't be dating a 19 y old.
With such a big age gap, especially when one party isn't even in their twenties, there are power imbalances. No matter how healthy the relationship might be, she still is much more mature and experienced in all aspects of life. Also, if she were truly your mom's friend then she wouldn't have agreed to date you. She's known you since you were a child. That's also slightly creepy.
I don't mean to be rude with my comment, but these are concerns every person in a relationship with a big age gap should take into consideration. Oh yeah that's disgusting and just morally wrong. I didn't dwell on it because everyone else already did in the comments and I didn't feel like repeating what they said. Like any adult would've I guess, she was a pre-school teacher so she was pretty good with kids and would help my mom out a lot. Sorry if I'm being unhelpful but this is a really broad question. She babysat often when my parents couldn't be home and she made a killer cheesy potato I guess, nothing particularly weird comes to mind if that's what you're looking for.
And you don't see why your mom feels that she groomed you when she went and babysat you when you were underage? C'mon, if you're wanting to show you can be a big boy in a big boy relationship, you need think objectively here about how your mom feels. You're too young and idealistic to understand the dynamics of what is happening here. Nobody is projecting shit onto you. Stop deflecting and face the fact that you don't actually give a crap what your mom thinks.
She's not supportive of your immature delusions, therefore she's just wrong.
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You're not willing to try and see it from your mom's perspective because then you might have to question the whole situation, and when you start questioning it you might start seeing how god damn weird and wrong it might be. Because you're 19 and think what you feel and what you want matters more than anything else.
Do you know what that means? It means you're not mature. She's not going to listen. She feels that her good friend of 10 years that she trusted to look after her own son has gone and groomed him. She's likely questioning that entire friendship they had, and that friendship is never going to recover. They WERE friends, but not anymore and most likely their relationship is irreparable. And no one is projecting anything here. You came to this sub for advice expecting others to tell you what you want to hear.
That is not happening and you're getting all pissy and defensive because the majority thinks that this relationship is so far beyond a bad idea it's not even amusing. If you didn't want to hear other people's opinions you shouldn't have posted here. Gifting you random things? Excuses to touch you arm, for example often?
What It’s Like Dating Someone Your Whole Family Knows
Took your side when youd argue with people your mom? Telling you inappropriate things "jokes"? Nothing out of the ordinary, I had a sister so I'm using her as a reference, we got about the same attention in fact, she got more since she needed a lot more care She was a lot more doting than my mom, but it was just the same with my sister and it wasn't anything to the point were it seemed crazy or weird.
The thing about grooming is that the person groomed wouldnt find it weird or crazy, but others looking in will notice it. She did care for you like an adult and you note she was very doting. Those are signs of grooming, too. I would suggest talking to a therapist about the situation without your moms friend there and see if they have any advice for your situation.
It also might help to think about how you would feel if your mom started dating your best male friend. Yea this is one of those situations where you ducked yourself. Her best friend is dating her son. Especially if she viewed her friend as a sister. The fact that you can't see why she's upset says more about you then your mom. Well, it's good of the two of you to have the good sense to tell your mom rather than sneaking around. And if this friend of your mom's was a recent addition to her life, I'd say there's nothing alarming.
But that she's been close to the family and known you since you were ten years old Do what you want. If you want to continue a relationship with the woman who got to know you as a prepubescent snot nosed kid, the woman who knew you before your voice dropped, the woman who normally would have instantly excluded from her dating pool children who she watched grow up But you'll need to accept that you're not going to bring your "girlfriend" home with you. Age gaps are a tricky thing.
My parents are also 12 years apart. They met a totally different stages than you are your gf. My dad was 60 when he met my now step mom. They both lived their lives: They had all those experiences behind them before finding each other.
My Parents Don’t Approve Of Who I’m Dating
That's the main difference. He didn't watch her grow up or was friends with her dad. They were both fully mature adults. That's what your mom is getting at.
My Parents Don't Approve of Who I'm Dating
She's right to be concerned. Read the ages wrong. But the fact still remains. They are at completely different life stages. And he came here for advice. Yea, you both crossed a line. Your mom has every right to be pissed. But good for you- big man doinking his mom's friends.
Whilst I agree that the relationship may not work because of the age difference, that's your choice to make. Your best bet is simply not to have conversations about your relationship with your mother. Simply tell your mother you're aware she disapproves, so you're not going to repeat this conversation.
They also said he pushed me around too much.
Just because you disagree doesn’t make your parents dumb.
So I thought about what they said and talked to more people. The more people I talked to, nobody wanted us together. Never argue with them about it. It only shows them you are too immature to be in the relationship they are so worried about. They will appreciate your desire to learn from their wisdom and respect their point of view. Are you willing to settle for someone who might be harmful to you in the long run, just because they appear to show interest in you in the short term?
Your parents can help you answer that question without all the emotional fog you are experiencing.
Someone who makes you a better person. If they observe that you are often sad or hurt, those are red flags for them. My significant other and I have been together 2 and a half years. Your email address will not be published.