How to reply to an online dating profile

There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkward , sorry , apologize , kinda , and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages.

A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online. It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening.


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It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and ahead of for jewish and for muslim.

Exactly What To Say In A First Message – The OkCupid Blog

But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder.

There’s more to it than you think

Sign in Get started. I indicated that, having been open to this dating style in the past, I was clearly neither making assumptions nor against the process. I simply reiterated I respected his process and I should hope that he could respect mine, as we both created our process from our past experiences.

I again thanked him for keeping the dialogue respectful, and wished him the best as we go our separate ways. Hoping I would not have to hear from him again, he replied three messages worth: I think about these types of men and how they would treat a woman in public, or in private. So, in sum, I agree—no message is the online version of averting the gaze, to show disinterest. Once I messaged back such a suitor and he took umbrage to the point of continuing to send me sarcastic, insulting messages so that I had to block him.

Exactly What To Say In A First Message

Guys have passed me over and a few have explained that I was too old even though they were my age or older and they had no stated age criteria or too thin. I am a prize for any man looking for a petite, fit, educated, financially self sufficient woman in my age group. I could pass myself off as 10 or more years younger, in fact, but some guys seem to have very high opinions of themselves. However, when it is my turn, I have the right to discriminate as well. It is only when it comes to our romantic partners and friends that we are free to be biased, arbitrary, and to favor based on any personal preferences.

That works both ways, though. I have sent out hundreds of messages, and often follow-up with messages asking why I got no reply. People have seemed shocked and sometimes upset at me being so forward. If they truly felt no guilt for their actions they would just throw away my follow-up and block me. Insanity is doing the same think over and over and expecting a different result. My pet hates are firstly men sending you what sound like blanket messages often simply a cut and paste from the first para from their profile. Second hate is their complete disregard for your profile requirements; i.

I specify wanting to get to know people local to my city and yet I receive countless emails from across the world. Does anybody actually bother to ready anything about you before they send out their blanket emails?

Too rude, and happens too often! I think if more women expressed clear displeasure that men would perhaps begin to get the idea they are doing something wrong. Which is unfortunately a tough nut to crack. Well, in my attempt to be polite, I replied to his inquiry on whether I lost interest by saying: Instead, I will say that I wish you the best of luck in your search for Mrs.

And I thought that, if you are actually requesting whether I had lost interest instead of simply inferring it from the fact that I have not messaged you in days, then the least I could do is reply. I am very sorry that you received such a reply Fay.


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  • I think that online etiquette among males is dreadfully shameful right now. I agree with your sentiments that it was evidence you made the right choice. Most of the women are cool with this. Ghosting someone is rude imo esp if you have actually been on a date. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email.

    Notify me of new posts via email. WAY more than you think scholarsandrogues. Rich stuff coming from a guy who was never even good enough to outgrow Spurs. MeWe is superior to Facebook in virtually every way scholarsandrogues. American Culture Online dating tips and etiquette: The Brothers Grimm and the functions of the folk tale….

    Your Daily Devotional for February 23, You raise a good point that is much more universal than dating sites. We become less courteous. Meet the men of Match. Really, guys, are you serious? Scholars and Rogues Progressive Culture. At times I have really enjoyed initial chats, but ultimately decide to close that door, and these men seem to have a decent level of etiquette and no WWIII occurs… My focus is the men of category 1 and 3: Dear women of Match. WTF is wrong with you? Time to kiss off online dating: The real problem with online dating Scholars and Rogues Progressive Culture.

    Online dating tips for women: Leave us a reply. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Email required Address never made public. Top Posts Does the Culture Index accurately describe me? You make the call.