Dating an ostomate means dealing with some body quirks. I can pass as perfectly healthy; some ostomates are perfectly healthy. But having that surgery does take a toll on your body. You get dehydrated quicker. You might have underlying symptoms from what made you sick in the first place. The Mighty is asking the following: Create a list-style story of your choice in regards to disability, disease or mental illness. Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about. Please click here if you are not redirected within a few seconds. You can also browse from over health conditions.
Join Us Log In. Some would ask me more details about how I got my ostomy, and then ask for my number. Others simply sent a messages saying they had learned something new, hoping to spark up some conversation. I even had one guy remember me from an article in the Western Gazette some 2 years ago! Unfortunately, there is one giant flaw. What about the guys who Googled me and decided not to message me because they discovered the ostomy? Because of that, I was unable to calculate my conversation rate. And clearly, with proof from my experiment, there are enough guys out there who literally do not give a crap about the ostomy.
I have since shut down my experiment because I am now in a new relationship with a wonderful guy. A guy who never thought twice about my bag, which he knew about before we even became a couple. When I asked him why he was so accepting of it obviously, because I had to know he said it was not the attitude I have towards it, but the fact that I am confident in myself as a whole.
He compared it to the same situation of women who are self-conscious about their weight. Another thing that you can choose to complain about, another thing to feel bad about, and another thing to get in the way of finding yourself a great boy or girl. So, friends, the moral of this story is that we should all be comfortable in ourselves no matter what we think is wrong with us. Well to be fair, you are extremely attractive. That might have something to do with the huge number of guys who wanted to date you. Well, thank you, Sally. I do think that it may have had an impact on convincing them to Google me, but that was the point!
Jess, you are gorgeous. But I do believe that if I spoke badly and complained about my ostomy all the time that it would definitely negatively affect my dating life. Well lucky you about the dating situation. I have not been as successful. I mean a few people have been okay with my colostomy but I have had other people say they were not interested in dating someone that had one of those.
But just wanted to let you know not everyone has the same situation…. I am glad that you are upfront about what you have. Have you explained that without it you may not be alive? Are you proud of it?
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If you are, well then you have saved yourself a lot of time by weeding the women who are not good enough to be with you! I mean I know it will never be reversed. I was in a bad accident that broke my pelvis which severed the colon and muscles in my body.
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I mean I would definitely be asking you out much like everyone else out there. Well thanks for getting back. Best wishes, God Bless. I hate my bag…. I try to stay cheerful but inside it eats away at me….. Oh Catherine, you are not alone with that! I am not happy with mine and have spent many days in tears hating it and what the illness has done to my body. If you would like maybe we could talk and share how it makes us both feel, I am feeling a bit more positive about it now as it is here forever I will have to just get on with it.
Happy to talk with you, we can help each other through it. I am on FB Samantha Gurling look me up xx. I hope that you will read some more of my blog posts and participate in the Facebook page http: The more you reaffirm the fact that the surgery saved your life or at least gave you a life back that you were missing because of disease the more you will begin to believe it! As you know ostomies are very hard on the old body image, and if someone is maybe only marginally attractive in our shallow beauty oriented society, they might not have your luck.
I doubt an ostomy would ever stand in the way of love or real romance, but if it stops a cheap hook-up, then you are probably better off for it. Does that make any sense??? I completely agree Jess. I have never had an issue dating. I have even had my bag leak on a boyfriend… embarrassing!
And he is still around after 5 years. I always wondered if maybe I was just lucky to have found my amazing boyfriend before I had an ostomy. That was amazingly sweet and supportive of your boyfriend. I had a hard time looking at first too. It is sort of weird, and it does take adjustment. She knew there was always a chance that I would have an ostomy again and was there with me when that finally happened.
She has been wonderful about it and has learned to change the appliance just in case I should ever find myself in a situation where I am unable to. Most days I am more worried that my bad mood will drive her away as I try to get back to my healthy self. With anything you must love yourself before you can hope to find someone to love you, and that person must also love the you that you love.
I met my fiance just before I was diagnosed with UC, the ostomy came along 2 years later, he still loves me, fancies me and plans on spending the rest of his life with me. I was pleasantly suprised how much the illness and now a bag does not worry him in the least, actually if anything it is me who has trouble accepting it still! When I first met my husband I had the worse flare up in my life. He was really positive about everything. About two years ago I had urgent colostomy surgery. Six months after surgery he asked me to marry him.
Accepting the bag has a LOT to do with it too…if you are comfortable with it, it helps a lot. Being in good shape has a lot to do with it as well…. Of course, I also have a face made for radio and am about 10 pounds of grouchy in a 5 pound sack. Having said that…confidence is the first key…. And not the good kind that you keep on your side and do nice things like save your life…the bad kind that say horrible, hurtful things and cause bad feelings….
Well, that was going to happen anyhow- and not always because of the bag. Find someone who accepts you. Find someone who interests you. Find someone who gives you that…Feeling. The one that tells you this person is someone you can stand who can stand you. Try getting used to your dentures, wearing them a little at a time. I started out using my dentures only for eating, then would have to take them out, it was to painful. Now I leave them in full time. When I first had my stoma I blended all my food and it was fine. It just seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it is just up to the person and there system. I have a colostomy. Well, it's been over 2 months since my surgery. The neck and shoulder pain are pretty much gone.
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The doctor said if I do not receive some relief in my hand and arm soon, that more testing will be done to pinpoint the cause. It is frustrating at most. The numbness is troubling as it interferes with my work and my home business. I am unable to build my products as I need the use of my hand to do the fine motor work. I am too young to be disabled and am not ready to accept this for my life. Thank k yo Bill. I am looking forward to my life settling down soon. Just too much stuff going on!
I'm not sure if this is where I can post anything or not? Not a full member yet. So didn't see a reply tab to hit? Ummm , my tablet is android, in answer to your question. Yes, you can post anything here in the forums and everyone can see. You should see a reply button at the bottom of the post.
It might be slightly different with the mobile format. I've not tried to upload a pic with my iPad or cell phone. I've always done it from a PC. And I'm not sure it's any different with an Android based tablet. If you have a PC, you can transfer pics to it from your tablet and then upload them from the PC. I will have to dabble with my iPad to see if it works or not. I'll keep you informed. Was at McMaster yesterday so wasn't on at all. Ty for your help. It is also saying above Akuma This site is weird to figure out?!
I am struggling on what to eat because I have been told I can no longer eat my veggies, salads, nut, seeds ect. I am not a big meat eater. I was told no celery, onion, mushrooms ect. What do you guys eat? Hello I do eat salad it all depends if you like looking at what you pass I eat mostly Fish, Chicken very little pork and beef if I do eat them it's once a week I hope this is helpful to you if you like to know more I will sure try and help to answer your question's take care and all the best to you I'm not sure what you are asking but ostomatedating.
This site is meetanostomate. If you paid for a membership on ostomatedating. I would suggest contacting the administrator of that site. I had Crohn's and got an ileostomy in I am a 65 year old man who has been married since I have read similar stories as mine on this site. My wife is my ostomy nurse she helps me shave and change my bag. I don't know what I would do without her. But, that is where the love stops. Since the surgery we have become nothing more than roommates. The sex and romance are gone. It wasn't great for the ten years of battling Chron's prior to my surgery either.
She simply has no interest and will not talk about it. She hasn't looked me in the eyes and told me she loves me in a long time. She doesn't kiss me goodnight anymore. She hasn't asked for sex in twenty years. I have contemplated divorce for many years. The one or two feeble attempts at sex each year end in no orgasm for me. Her attention span for sex is minutes. I have read a lot of posts about this subject but, no solutions.
I am lonely and there are no options left it appears. Hi Mohouser, First of all, good for you for asking for help with an issue that feels bigger than you can cope with alone. That took some courage. I can hear the heartbreak in your post, but I have to be honest - you are going to have to decide how hard you want to work on this.
First, I wonder why your wife has been looking after your ostomy for 10 years. Perhaps she wants to help, and perhaps you appreciate the help as well as the imtimacy, but as long as she sees you as a "patient" who needs help vulnerable, fragile, childlike she is never going to see you as a partner, especially a sexual partner. You need to become independent in managing your stoma. You haven't mentioned a reason for her doing this, so I apologize if there is a disability that necessitates it that you haven't mentioned.
Second, it sounds like there have been issues around sex before your stoma surgery. I think you are aware of that. Perhaps the stoma has just become a convenient excuse for something that has happened already. If that is the case, you and your wife are not going to be able to solve this yourselves - you will need to speak to a counsellor. I don't suggest you start with a sex therapist; you need to do some work on the relationship first. I don't think this is an unusual problem - a long marriage takes a lot of work from both partners, and lots of marriages don't survive.
However, you are presenting this as a sexual problem that your wife has, and I think you need to be honest with yourself - it is much more complicated than that. As a married woman with an ostomy, I can attest to the challenges this presents in a marriage. And marriage is hard enough without an extra challenge!! Having an ostomy AND a sexlife requires both partners to want it to happen.
It requires thinking outside the box - doing things differently than the same old, same old. But then, just being married for a long time and having a sex life requires that too, right? We all need to shake things up a little, otherwise, the boredom kills it. And it is more difficult to maintain a marriage that has no sex.
Not impossible, just more difficult. I have had to think outside the box - radiation damage has made sex more difficult for me, but I know how it enriches my marriage, and how close my husband and I feel to each other. I am just not willing to give it up. But we have had to do some serious talking about it, and we both recognize the value of it, so we have had to find ways to be creative. However, this is in the context of a very strong marriage of 32 years, and we both recognize that our strength is talking to one another.
Mohouser, I wish you the best of luck.
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This is not an easy fix - I wish it were. But, it is not impossible either.
Woman shares her experience of dating with a colostomy bag | Daily Mail Online
HI, I here the same complaint from plenty of men ages 50and up that dont have ostomys. They complain that there wives dont want sex anymore. We lose alot of hormones and we r no longer of child bearing years. Plus we dry out some what. I am not speeking for all women but many. So may be its not all because of your ostomy, She is probably very tired also.
I have a colostomy but my husband cant keep his hands off me. And going through menopause has made me less interested. But i still love him and we work through it. Widowed for for past 17 years, I've had some problems, but hey, to all of you giving advice, Bravo. My marriage was so brief nine years thast things didnt have time to get stale or boring All the best to you to who worked things out Better solo, I think. For those of you that pray, keep them in prayer. I for one feel for both the people that haven't been paid and those that have suffered much more due to our broken immigration sytem.
Yes Chuck and Nancy are very selfish for depriving Americans of the security they so richly deserve. We've got five or ten billion in the couch cushions of the House and Senate Always a dissenting voice, here I go. The first Federal paycheck was not untl Jan. Feds get paid every two weeks I didn't hear anyone complaining about money or paying their bills. Few people who work for the federal government are living paycheck to paycheck, unless they want it that way.
My late uncle had a Federal job, money was never an issue, but rather would he keep his job as administraitons changed. Never lost his job, and my aunt had his pension for life. There are a lot of liars out there, and in my lifetime I have lived through many government shutdowns If federal employees miss another paycheck, they are eligible for unemployment, when the government reopens they get all their back pay, all of it.
Every furloughed federal employee should be burning up the phone lines, social media, and making a nusiance of themselves in Washington He is doing exacly what he promised to do and what Pelousi and Schummer voted for during the last administration. Finish what they voted for in the last admin, keep their promises to the people who put them there, and the government would reopen tomorrow Find something else to complain about Voting records are in the public domain, so go to your local library, or online and find out how your Senators voted for, yes, A WALL and vast increases in spending for border security during the Obama Administration.
The stark truth may upset you but at least you'll be careful about in whom you place your trust. I have lost control of curser so will leave this as is for now. Does not respond well to my IPad. I have further tips will post later if anyone interested.
Also will try to post tips Imhave learned over the years re travel etc. IHave had my stoma for over 3 years. Thankfully I had only one close call and had to pull out a chunk of yam skin. I have had periods where output gets too thick or too thin. Par for the course I guess. I will list some foods I avoid and things I have eaten with no problem. Corn is a no no, it has little nutritional value anyway. Anyone have other examples of bad fibre? Fibre in general has to be limited depending on how much bowel is left. Nuts in moderation are good fibre but as with all.
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I only eat lettuce and cabbage in small chunks and chewed well. I avoid spinach, kale, arugula et.