I waited for over 5 years and then something inside just broke — I refused to be there creating a big load of drama and making myself ill for a man that refused point blank to put me 1st, that refused to accept that I was a human being with feelings — he cared only for himself, his life, getting his rocks off.
In retrospect, my self esteem has been so badly damaged I was literally in in the gutter, picking up scraps of whatever attention he would give me to avoid the pain. Then i faced the pain head on — it was not pleasant.
Is He Going to Leave His Wife/Girlfriend For Me? Part Two
I realised I had gone from being this confident, attractive girl that had everything to this total low life with no self esteem — and i hated what i saw in the mirror. A few months on I am a different person yes, it is damn hard but I know that I am better without the crap!!! Time is of the essence girls. Do not waste time on men that are not worthy of our love. There are plenty of men out there who will give us what we really need. Stop gloryfing him — he is really not that great a catch. What a great thread and one that has helped me immensely today.
I never believed he was using me. When I asked if he had ever loved me his answer: His whole manner, body language, attitude toward me had completely changed and I was overwhelmed with confusion and trying to rationalize his behavior. Two days later I emailed him and told him how deeply he had hurt me and that we both needed to move on and heal. BUT I thought about it all day and then stood him up basically, not returning his calls to see where we would meet. Was I the perfect prey? Am I a blithering fool?
I keep reminding myself that what he did is on HIM, not me. This is about me having my ego so bruised because this man has not been straight up with me I am the OW that believed his dishonesty was with his wife, not me…come to find out that is a farce always! I am disgusted by my behavior and his!
How do I move forward and get this creep out of my mind? I still miss him sexually and I miss the illusion still having a hard time accepting that is what it was of what we had before we got caught.
7 Signs Your Partner is Sleeping With Someone Else
As a betrayed husband, I can tell you that the pain never ends. I do not know if I will ever heal from this, if I will ever be able to trust anyone since she was such a crafty liar. As a devoted married man whose wife took up with a scumbag like the one you describe, I can assure you that it is not normal for a man to cheat. There are plenty of good guys out there. The bright side of this is that you can learn your lesson and stay away from married men. The ones who cheat are all selfish bastards. Any man who would treat his family that way is no man at all. Any man who would treat his lover like that is no man at all.
Any woman who would find anything remotely attractive about such a jerk needs serious help. Sorry if that seems harsh. I truly hope that you heal and move on to something much more fulfilling. I sympathize with you. I so agree with the selfishness of it all, no one considers what the spouse or the children experience in these situations.
I do hope you will be able to trust again, as there are many of us who do value a monogamous relationship. Billy is NOT judging his cheating wife in the same manner that he is judging the cheating man. BTW, thx for the signs that you are interested!
7 Signs Your Partner is Sleeping With Someone Else
I was betrayed and deceived for over a year in horrible ways. She used to call me while the other man was going down on her. It was one of their fun little games. All the while, I was totally oblivious. You live through that and not develop trust issues, and I will recommend you for sainthood. I mean, come on, she bore his children and put up with a lot more of his bullshit than the other woman did. The wife got shit upon. Oh, I will be able to trust and love again… I think. As for my wife, yes, I do blame her along with the married man. You have no idea the amount of rage I felt, how foolish I felt, how betrayed I felt not only because she spread her legs for another man but because she talked smack about me with him, totally re-wrote the history of our relationship, etc.
Eventually, as this has been on-off relationship for 4 years, where in the middle of it he got married, l got fed up with all the BS and asked very directly questions l wanted answers. Having serious issues in his family well, they were constant, neverending he finally said, no he cannot give me future.
At least l pushed him saying that and that was it. I feel so sorry for everything and especially for his wife — she didnt deserve it either. He told me once, that he wants to let her go, so that she can probably find someone, who loves her, too. What a load of BS. However, the bottom line is — once a cheater, always a cheater, as some say, and after how he has treated me and his wife, he definitely is not a catch. The lies and BS weights over the attraction l felt for him.
Just ended an eight month emotional turned physical affair. We are both married, he for almost 27 years, claimed he had never cheated before. He is a work colleague who I have known for a few years. We started spending time together and eventually it became physical. We both felt horribly conflicted about it and eventually I gave him the out and he took it. Sometimes this is just part of life, not a nice part, but a part anyway.
I am taking it harder than he is because I think my marriage is worse than his, but that is my problem not his. But I am just taking it day by day for now and believing that I need to now focus on myself and get my life together, marriage and all. I had been dating a married man for the past four years. It started with him coming over all the time. I am a single mother…. We had our struggles constantly and he said yes, I love you. She also has threatened to harm herself. Within the past month, his wife started texting me and I learned many things. She was asking him to leave.
He was just as abusive and controlling with her as he was with me. He had no job, no car, no anything. Two weeks ago, he left my house and called her. He stated he had no where to go…. Well, she came to pick him up and he ended getting himself thrown in jail with a domestic. He got a no contact order for both his wife and his children.
His court day came a few days later and at that point she served him divorce papers. I bailed him out that day thinking that now is our chance to get started and start our lives together as a partnership. He stopped at my home right after jail and wanted to have sex. I refused at that point. The very next day, I got the text that he was dumping me. He stated that he needed to take care of him and work on getting his family back together. I have not heard a word from him in a week and a half. This man felt like he was my everything and it has been ripped from me. I knew he was still making love to her just as he was to me.
I feel as though a death has occurred. It was so easy for him to dispose of me. I need help getting over this. The thoughts that run through my mind are horrible.
- “I’m Separated From My Wife & I Want Her Back, But She’s Dating A Man She Met On Facebook”.
- ‘Don’t Be A Wife To A Boyfriend’: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single | Thought Catalog.
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What can I do? This pain is overwhelming….. I should have planned for this….. Amanda I think you need honesty. This guy has problems and he has nothing to offer you and you need better than this plus you are expecting more than is on offer. He has totally disrespected you and shat on your loyalty — stop being there for this man.
He is a user and a liar. I am someone who has been seeing a married man for a while. At first I was told that thier relationship was strained because niether of them were happy anymore. He has told me that he wants to leave her but they still have children that live at home, and he does not want to upset them. I told him that I understood, but that if they continued to stay together that the children would feel the tension between them and that would not be healthy for them either. I realize now that I was just wasting my breathe because he has no intentions of leaving her.
They have been together for over 20 years and he will not interupt his comfort and stability no matter what. That I was just a tool to make his wife realize that he could have somewhere else to go if she did not step up and act like the wife she used to be. She has found out about me, and at first it was a bad situation, but now I think it has gotten better for him. He has told me she has really been trying to be a better wife to him. At first when he told me this i was upset and tried to get him to move out, but I now have seen the look in his eyes when he speaks of her, and I realize that I have just been wasting my time.
He still loves her and will not leave her no matter what I say. He is just keeping me at arms length.
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She gets the best of him and I get whats left of him. I am at a point in my life now where I want to be the one who is first and only in someones eyes. I loved him so deeply that it drove me insane everytime he went home to her, that I just wanted to stand in the street and scream everything to her that we have done, but I knew that he would never want anything to do with me again, so I have always held my tongue. He realizes that I am at the end of the road with our relationship. I am tired of being the other woman, I want to be the only woman now.
I just do not have the strength to leave him on my own. If anyone has any advice please share it with me. I never had a chance to celebrate any festivals with him, except my own birthday. After she left, he will mend my heart with care and attention. But the pain is repeated everytime she comes back.
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The worst is seeing her holding onto his arms while walking together and she chats happily. I was confused as he said they are not in good terms since before he met me. I loved him deeply and have faith in him that one day he will be with me. He looked straight into my eyes everytime we talked about this. So, I continued to suffer a little longer and see how it goes. Finally, on this month, he decided to be with me and proceeded with divorce.
If I were to wait any longer, I might have left. I got smart last year and dumped him, but this was before I found out he was moving with her. They are still a happy little family, my heart was still broken even after I pushed him away, and still will be until I can find closure.
I hope any woman reading this will stay away from any MM. They are lying to their wife, which means, they are lying to you! Robin-I read your story above, please get out of the situation you are in. My story sounds very similar to your story, however I was with this MM for 9 years.
I stood by him faithfully for this long. You luckily have a short time invested in this relationship, get out while you can. I blamed myself for so long but realized he lied to his wife the whole time, and lied to me also. So here I sit after this long without being able to finally put closure to this long relationship, I have to somehow find a way to move on. So if someone can dump you after 9 years in a relationship, it never mattered to him who I was as a person, how I felt, and how I would feel, they will move on just as fast as as they moved in on you.
He knew by lying his way out of it, and moving on with his wife, that he could just turn the other way and act as if 9 years met nothing at all. You will do the same and feel as though a weight was lifted off your shoulder. Technically, you did not have to do what you did. Why should you care what this piece of crap says about you? For her own protection. Not that you have a disease, but what if you did?
Remember, these guys like yours are pieces of shit! For many reasons, I can not say or do anything about it. But you know what? Yes, my staying silent helps in his absolving himself of being the bad guy that he was throughout the relationship. By the sounds of things his wife knows this. Now you need to look after yourself by cutting him loose.
About 2 Setting a Deadline. Oh no — it was me he loved. I fell in love with this man but after five years of joy and misery and hearing the same old lines over and over again I set a deadline of six weeks, knowing that the business was stable. He showed me the picture of her with a rash.
Probably brought on by being with him. His last words to me were:. Could just come right out and ask her why she is still contacting you or ask what she wants? Be direct and firm. If you want to know something just ask. You answered your own question. You are not obligated to answer her texts.
You say you think she wants to rub it in your face, but you also say she is being friendly. Sounds like she has an ulterior motive to me. I mean she is still with him, so what does that tell you? She has chosen him, and probably thinks she can control the situation by keeping tabs on you. This sign may not be very common but if you notice them becoming a shower-freak, then there are chances they want to get rid of the smell of the person they slept with or anything else that will get them caught, like a kiss-mark.
If not going into the shower, it can be running into the bathroom as soon as they get home, for many reasons. If you want to make sure that this habit of theirs is not because they are sleeping with someone else, but just because they prefer to shower first, then try to test them by either hugging or kissing.
See if they hesitate or resist and tell you that they will be out from the shower in minutes and then catch you. Frequent excuses for not doing anything before taking a shower can be forms of the sign they are sleeping with someone else. You obviously know the urges and desires your partner has about sex and you are the only one who satisfies their needs, but if, lately, they have not been showing any need for sex, then there is something wrong. It is not absolutely sure that they are sleeping with someone else if their sex routine changes, but if the change is sudden and the disinterest in you comes as a shock without any good explanation for it, then they may be sleeping with someone else.
Why would they want to have sex with you if they are already getting enough of it from someone else? Here, we repeat, that do not doubt your partner without being completely sure. If their behaviour is actually very different and they suddenly go from wild-excited to turtle-excited in bed, then we suggest you look for more signs. A declining sex life might point towards declining relationship, or the fact that they are sleeping with someone else. This one can be a little tricky. It can be difficult for you to tell if they are getting you presents out of love or if they want to cover their guilt.
Even if they are being dishonest and sleeping with someone else, they might feel the guilt at times and try to cover it up with some extra gifts out of occasion. It is one of the possibilities; do not always be doubtful. It is your task now to decide whether they are being generous out of love or if their behaviour has changed in the last couple of weeks.
If there is something you caught them with and now they want to make you believe that it was all a misunderstanding, they actually may be trying to cover it up by those gifts. So assess the recent events, change in their tone and habits and then decide. If not sure, confront them politely. Talking always helps and it may turn out that they only wanted to make you feel good by giving all those presents. Or, it may turn out that they finally start talking and reveal to you the news. If your partner is usually not too interested in looking good, but they suddenly starting paying too much attention to their looks, maybe they are either trying to impress someone which maybe you or other than you or have already impressed someone.
Self-grooming is a normal thing to do for anybody, but if they never had a problem going out with a gray shirt and blue jeans but perfectly dress up now before going out, there is some place for planting your doubt. If not dresses then it can be anything new they start doing that they never did before, like using a deodorant or caring too much about their hair. These are all signs for you to only be suspicious and make sure that whether they are doing it for themselves or for someone else. Facial changes or grooming below the belt can be big signs that they are sleeping with someone that is not you, because you are used to the way they are and do not demand a change.
It is possible that they are doing it for you to spice up the relationship, but double-check can be helpful at times. If they adopt a new position or kiss you in a different way, be alert. New moves can be a sign of new sex partner in their life, although it is not necessary. They may have learned it from a friend or read about it on the internet and brought it to bed to impress you and have a good time with you.
But, on the other hand, it can also mean something else too. They may be sleeping with someone else where they used those new techniques and now confusedly brought it to you.