Dating a combat veteran

Stop it with that nonsense. He is a loving husband and a caring father. For the length of his deployment this was one key to survival. He always had to be ready, always had to be watching the landscape and the people around him. Always had to anticipate any harm that might come. This is ingrained into him.

Our last trip to the Zoo he was people watching more than he was watching the animals. He is not indecisive because he is trying to be difficult. In his mind, one wrong decision means death. It did over there, anyways. He carries that thinking with him still. PTSD keeps him up at night, literally. When he first came home I probably got punched in the face once a week, or got nailed with a flying elbow.

He was having horrific dreams and acting them out in his sleep. I was never in any harm or actually hurt by his thrashing. His nightmares were intense, and still can be. Recently he has been keeping the both of us up with his swift kicking during nightmares. He has come home from deployment, but he feels he never left Afghanistan.

When I asked him to explain he said that it changed him, and the old him got lost over there.

You Might Be A Veteran If...

Although he lives with PTSD and other health problems from deployment, he still wants to go back. I will never understand this statement.

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This seems to be common with a lot veterans. For some reason, he thought I deserved to see the darkest corners of him.

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It was a risky move on his part. No one had so freely shared their demons with me, yet it was the most special anyone had ever made me feel. That feeling has been at the foundation of everything else. He designated me to help be the keeper of his darkness. So I chose him to be the first man I would ever seek to truly understand. And in doing so, be the first man I would ever cherish.

What It’s Like To Love A Combat Veteran

To be the only man I hoped I ever would. This is the greatest part of dating a vet that many women will never get to experience: A person with that additional life acumen is a rare and beautiful soul. If you find them, hold on to them. And no matter what, under any circumstances, never, ever give up on them. They need someone to pull them out of the emotional regressions they sometimes slink into. They need someone to soothe their quaking bodies in the wake of the next night terror. They need someone to see the light inside them when they no longer can see it themselves.

I thrive in this relationship because I choose to. I have, in most cases, learned to simply let go of my trivial insecurities. In return, he has searched his soul for ways to be more transparent about his feelings. We have made great strides since the early days of our romance.

Keep Up With the Ins and Outs of Military Life

Our relationship has evolved into a fulfilling and abundant love for each other. No dark pasts or embarrassing secrets. You just have to find someone whose demons play well with your own. Succeeding in combat defines a warrior, places him in a brotherhood where he is always welcome and understood. The civilian world has its adrenaline junkies as well; just ask any retired firefighter, police officer, or emergency room staff if they miss it. Living for you is harder.

What It’s Like To Love A Combat Veteran | Thought Catalog

It would be easy for him to die for you because he loves you. Living for you, which is what you actually want, is harder for him. It is even harder for him if you are smart and do not need him to rescue you, since rescuing is something he does really well. If you are very competent at many things, he may at times question if you need him at all. He may not see that you stay with him as a conscious choice.

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It is direct battle doctrine that when ambushed by a superior force, the correct response is "apply maximum firepower and break contact. A warrior has to be able to respond to threat with minimal time pondering choices. While this is life-saving in combat, it is not helpful in the much slower-paced civilian world. A better rule in the civilian world would be to give a reaction proportionate to the provocation. Small provocation, small response but this could get you killed on the battlefield.

Tears are unbearable to him; they create explosive emotions in him that can be difficult for him to control. Unfortunately, that can lead to a warrior responding to strong waves of guilt by applying more "maximum firepower" on friends, family, or unfortunate strangers. He is afraid to get attached to anyone because he has learned that the people you love get killed, and he cannot face that pain again.

  • PTSD: A Soldier's Perspective: Combat Vet Girlfriend Finds Hope and Support at PASP.
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  • He may make an exception for his children because they cannot divorce him , but that will be instinctual and he will probably not be able to explain his actions. He knows the military exists for a reason.

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    The sad fact is that a military exists ultimately to kill people and break things. Technically, your warrior may well be a killer, as are his friends.