Dating income disparity

But it could just be a numbers game, she says though Birger will say these two things are linked. Birger had started noticing that he was around far more single women than men. I wanted to figure out why. At first he thought it was just a big city problem — perhaps more educated women than men were drawn to New York, where he lives, or cities such as Los Angeles or London. The numbers are pretty much the same across the United States.

Across young people, age 30 and under, [there are] about four college grad women for every three college grad men. In many cases, this gender gap is even bigger in rural states than in urban ones. In the US, he writes that among to year-olds, there are 5.

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We are seeing a gap in the UK too. Last year, a record number of women outnumbered men , with nearly 58, more women than men. He thinks one of the drivers of the so-called hook-up culture is the number of men who have found a wealth of available women to choose from. She is mainly attracted to Oxbridge graduates, she says with a small laugh. That indicated there is a preference for similarity. There is very strong preference for similarities along a range of attributes, such as age, height, occupation, interests.


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The increasing prevalence and efficiency of online dating has also had an effect, says Birger, because of the filtering tick-box nature of it or as Evan Marc Katz , a dating coach whose advice I like to read, warns: In the US, among people aged who do not have a college degree, there are 9. So the dating world is just as hard for those blue collar guys. One of my bits of advice in the book is that I think we all need to open our hearts and minds to dating across socioeconomic lines. I refer to these as mixed-collar marriages.

You see it much more in the African American community, where the gender disparity in college education is more extreme — you certainly see more educated women married to working-class guys. There is also evidence to suggest that couples in which the woman is more educated than the man are happier.

One study of more than 1, interviews with couples found that in relationships where the woman was more educated than the man, they were more likely to stay together than in couples where both had low levels of education, or where it was the woman with the lower level.


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  3. Dating income disparity.
  4. By default, I chose to focus on my life and career in my 20s. I think if I were going to do it again, it may have been easier to do family first and then career. Though it would seem that having a career and a high income would be an attractive asset in the dating world, I have found it to be more often a liability.

    For some background, I live in DC, home to tens of thousands of interns, students, and federal government workers. In DC, lawyers make some of the highest salaries in the city whereas in SF or NYC, say, tech founders, bankers and people in many different industries can make much more. I have no idea. I do know that the income differential has caused rifts in my relationships though. If I were a man dating a woman who made a quarter of my salary, I would pay for at least half, but more likely I would pay for most things.

    I remember I had a fight about money with my ex, who we shall call Bob.

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    He brought up that I was contributing less than half toward our food budget. We never discussed our salaries but it was understood that I made considerably more than him. We were both earning good money though and neither of had debt or high expenses. We went to nice but not extravagant places.

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    A few weeks before the fight, I had actually thought about whether I was contributing my fair share. When Bob and I went out to eat, one person would pick up the tab. My family is Asian so splitting the bill is a bit foreign to me. But I also thought about fairness. I also cooked often and would plan and shop for the meals.

    I would cook somewhat expensive or elaborate meals — slow-roasted pork belly, chicken pot pie, paella, baked salmon, pork loin banh mi, katsudon donburi. By my rough estimates, I figured I was paying for half our total meals eating in and eating out though I was spending less because cooking is cheaper than eating out.

    And I was resentful that he was resentful. But because I made more, I should pay for more. When I was younger and making an entry-level salary, I dated a lawyer. He paid for most of our dates and he would cook as well. The tables had turned. I feel that this is the right outcome. Many of my ex-boyfriends made good money. I doubt I would have had the ambition to make more if I already had a good source of income from my hypothetical hubby to support me.

    Because I have a career, I have a high-paying job. With that high-paying job comes certain responsibilities like paying for more. This is the price of change. When a woman earns more, she might resent her husband for earning less.

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    The pay differential may change their dynamic. Her husband might be jealous at her success. These are not great things, but they are natural things. You can be a part of a team and still be jealous of your overperforming teammate or resentful of your underperforming one. He will have to get comfortable with me earning more. I think a lot of men are or would be uncomfortable with the success of their female significant other.

    Trophy husbands get the best of every world — they get to work less, brag about that fact, and get lauded for being supportive. Meanwhile the bread-winning wives are warned that their husbands will likely have an affair.

    Most of the women I know are dating or are married to men who make more than them, often significantly so. It seems really stupid and backwards to want to feel like a princess who is funded by her prince. I will admit that I had had a little hope in the back of my mind that that would be the case for me. Maybe I could be Meghan Markle. If this is a big problem? If it were, I could just quit my job and become a receptionist. There are easy options to go from higher-earning to lower-earning.

    I realize that this is a great problem to have in some ways. I can support myself. I can be single if I want. I agree that society has the expectations already set for us: Would it be a dealbreaker, and if so is that horrendously hypocritical of me? I think a lot of people have come forward on Twitter to state that their marriages have been fine with a breadwinning wife. This, on the nose. Dating books say women need to date less educated men.