I swore that I would never go speed dating. Solitude seems preferable to volunteering to have something wince-inducing happen to you over and over and over again. But attending for journalistic reasons … well, that's completely different, and an invitation to interview people who voluntarily go speed dating seemed too good to miss. What do these people know that I don't?
Are they more desperate? The first dater I met was a woman called Ruth, who suggested that I try 'hate dating'.
She describes it as "like speed dating, except rather than sell yourself you row and hurl abuse at each other, or confess deep and lasting hatreds of seemingly innocuous things. You won't resolve anything like that. Speed hating is the brainchild of Mike Toller and Carl Hill, who run a variety of club nights and dating events under the Feeling Gloomy banner. Their USP is their ability to fill dance floors with sad songs and take the mickey out of misery. The event I went along to isn't part of a club night.
It's a stand-alone dating event in a tiny room above a pub in London's West End. On the way in everyone is given a fake name: Most of the women have come in pairs but some of the men have arrived alone. Toller and Hill are fantastic hosts. They are incredibly friendly and seem to have eyes in the back of their heads, watching for anyone who looks lost. We sit at a long table, gents on one side, ladies on the other.
Kirk de Vere aka Hill , clad in wide-striped blazer and clashing cravat, instructs us to "Let the hating commence. It was time to realize that I have never truly known if all that control I was exerting was empowering or stifling. Oh, the power of social media. And the regret of proclaiming something online when you should keep your social media mouth shut.
I finally braved the downtown crowd and got there. It was at a small but hip hotel bar. I could give you a play-by-play of what happened from there, but why do that when I can skip around and tell you what you really want to know?
Did I meet the love of my life? I work in statistics, and knew the probability of that happening would be slim to none. I actually asked another female participant if she expected to meet the love her life. She was petite and in her early 40s; she wore jeans, no makeup, and had short salt-and-pepper hair. I am done chasing ghosts. Did I have stiff competition? I honestly have no idea. What I do know is that the few women I met were delightful. Friendly, at ease, genuine. What were the men like? They were the guys who, in most social situations, might watch rather than participate.
They might get overlooked for men with more bravado and better physiques. This all made them more interesting to me. They had regular jobs — in real estate, in business, at a bank, etc. They wore regular clothes — one guy had stitched jeans very , one wore a convincing fake leather jacket yes, I touched it , some wore blazers, one a full suit he came straight from work.
One was really tall. One was really short. They talked about regular things — hobbies, their jobs, where they grew up.
Dating Commentary – Why Speed Dating Doesn’t Work in 2015
There was conversation about eating healthy, not wanting kids, how East Coast cities are so close in proximity compared to Southern cities, how the gym is a great place to meet people because everyone is high on endorphins. We talked about how great the city we live in is. One guy liked country dancing. One guy asked me to describe my greatest success at work. I believe in changing your lifestyle. A couple of the guys wore so much cologne that I could smell it on me while driving home the smell lingered after I shook their hands.
Overall, it felt like a whirlwind. To talk to date after date, to hear and absorb so much information… it was confusing. To be honest, if you have those skills, you're better off avoiding speed dating events altogether and just talk with strangers instead. If that is the case a speed dating event may be perfect even if you are good enough to pull chicks at a bar.
She was happy and content until one day she decided she wanted a boyfriend. She tried speed dating, hooked up with a geeky guy, and they got married. She's an odd duck. I'm not sure that's how it would work for most people, but they are very well matched with each other. I have done it a few times.
Women act like men when they switch seats at speed dating
Including massive dates in one night events. It was interesting but you I have about the same chance of getting a real date by hitting on random women on the street. It's a fun way for chicks to reject dozens of men and go home to their cats and cheesecake and say they gave it one last try, mom. I've done it a few times, and it was fun. I met some interesting people, and got a few good friends out of it. I did not find any girls to actually date, but I did find some to befriend, and we are still friends after 10 years.
Personally, I hated it. My university hosted one for shits and giggles, and it felt like right when you were starting to get to know someone cool, you have to stand up and shift to someone else. It was information overload, too. I don't remember a single name from it. There were some cool people to talk to, there were super awkward people to talk to, and I didn't get a single friendship or relationship out of it.
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There were only five women there for twenty or so desperate looking men, and two of those women looked like they were paid to be there, and two others looked like they were there to scam free drinks off all the desperate men. It was not as awkward as I thought There were no horribly unattractive; antisocial, un-bathed types. The other guys were actualy more fun and cool then the women.
I wish I had just gone to hang out with the other guys; because they were more interesting to talk to then the women. A lot of the women aren't really serious about meeting someone; they just doing it for an ego boost or they are board and want to do something fun with their friends.
I always felt like groups of women would try it; then go have dinner and make fun of some of the guys they talked to.