When someone is older and because they are more established, they may not have the same need to compete with you. This age dynamic can dial back the immaturity of poor communication and ego-busting that can happen with someone that is closer to your age. In fact, they may become your biggest cheerleader pushing you to levels you may not have felt you could accomplish. They had a life before you.
It can include past marriage s , relationships, kids, grandkids, etc. Navigating this in your relationship with an older man can take some patience on your part. You will also need to have clear parameters and communication with one another of what to expect for one another as far as their relationships with ex-wives, kids, etc. It can provide you with clarity on his intentions, his relationship patterns, and help you determine if he is the right fit for you. The past is generally a strong indicator of future behavior. He might be set in his ways. The older you get, with the comfort of knowing thyself, comes a comfort of doing things a certain way.
When a man has had a level of success and is happy with the way he is, trying to break habits that might annoy you or introduce him to things outside of his comfort zone may not be so easy. In a relationship where you mix someone a relationship of someone who is younger with someone older, if you are truly compatible, you can both learn and teach one another valuable lessons.
He is more stable. But, generally, if you are dating someone older, they should be more stable. They should have some level of consistency in their life as they should have been able to create a more solid foundation in their life. This stability can be soothing versus dating someone who is still trying to figure out who they are, what they need to accomplish, and where they are heading. They help you to be more balanced. Someone who is has a level of maturity and understanding of life can help you to learn to not take yourself so seriously.
They have lived a little more than you have and realize that life comes one day at a time. Bringing this clarity into your life can help you learn to ease back, relax, and be a bit less intense. Every relationship comes with something in the mix. But, going into it with your eyes wide open will give you clear expectations of what to expect when and if you do decide to date an older man. Sign in Get started. Or do you know someone who does? Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.
Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I am 37 and this guy is 61, we met because his dad lived in the senior community where i work. The dad died two weeks ago and tried to show support most of the time. He is very sweet and hugs me a lot, but the last time he did, he told me he loves me while hugging and I replied me too. But I left to keep doing my work. This left me really confused because I feel a lot of attraction to him. Do you think he is just thankful for the support? Or he likes me? Young women up to say about 24 should not be interested in or desire anything more from an older men but sex and fun.
A purely sexual relationship. Interesting how you make the most apparent age difference example 27 and The time where both are looking at a fast approaching mile stones. Her turning 30 soon and entering her last few years of healthy childbearing years and him well turning Everyone knows that when a woman is that close to 30 she is engaging desperate mode, desperate for a provider for the children she wants and they need to arrive soon. Pointing out beautiful YOUNG women that older men want never went after a career where she makes her own money since she has gotten everything she ever wanted money wise given to her in payment for her company.
Everyone also knows that the usual younger women that men over 45 get with are usually 18 to not much older than Once a girl hits that 25ish age she has lost her little girl looks and thats really what men want. Many thanks staciejaxx for such a unique perspective on this topic, which is invaluable. You are right, it is far more important to be a relationship where the need to communicate is well-served, than to be in a relationship where other needs dominate.
At the same time, let's acknowledge that other needs are as relevant, if not more. A balance of needs makes a relationship successful. Thank you once again. I learned something new from you today. I have to chime in here because I could not honestly take some of the comments on here seriously.
However, there were a few who actually held weight and substance. The comments that I took seriously were the ones in which realistically depicted what could possibly happen if I were to marry someone considerably older than I am. First of all, if you are dating someone or married to someone that is 15 yrs.
For couples who are 15 yrs or less apart no one is going to be looking at you and saying or wondering why you two decided to be together. I don't think by looking at two people with such an age gap one would be able to decipher the fact that a there is an age gap or b that it is even consequential to the relationship. Especially, if you are a female in your twenties and he is in his thirties.
If anything, you as the female would enjoy so many benefits from dating or being married to someone that much older as opposed to being 30 yrs. I was equally not impressed or moved by the comments in which twenty year old females spoke about being with men who were 55 yrs. A man in his 40's and possibly up to the age of is still active and can remain verile if he has remained in relatively good health. Of course, this might not be the case for all men but tends to generally be true for most men.
What some young women who are in their 20's fail to realize is that if they are dating a man who is yrs. So pretty much what you see is what you get. However, we can honestly say that a woman who is in her twenties will most certainly experience many things in her life for the next 20 yrs. These experiences may or may not help determine whether or not your relationship with an older man is going to be successful or not.
It is unfair for "you" as a young lady to deprive yourself of these experiences however colorful these experiences may be just so you can settle into a comfortable life of being taken care of. Not all women who marry older men want to be taken care of but if this is your only motivation then you have "bigger fish to fry". Eventually, the universe will show you just how big. Especially, if you are in your twenties. Allow this decade to be about you learning what your likes and dislikes are without being necessarily told what they are by someone who thinks they know what your likes and dislikes are simply because they are older than you.
Of course, not every man that is substantially older than his woman wants to control her. However, as another commenter pointed out there is something to be said about a man who is dating someone yrs. Why is he unable to work things out with someone closer to his age? If he is married and seeing you why hasn't he gotten a divorce yet? If you are truly the love of his life why hasn't he committed himself to establishing a healthy relationship with you? These are all questions I had to ask myself when I was faced with a similar situation.
So please, don't think I am on here to be bitter or discourage you from living your best life. If anything, I want you to live your best life knowing you are getting what you rightfully deserve. I am in my late thirties seeing a man in his early fifties. I don't see this as a big deal because I have lived life and experienced things. I have dated men ten years younger than myself.
While they have been fun they weren't necessarily marriage material. I would never expect that from a man who is still in his twenties. This is why I allowed the relationship to be about having a good time and only this. I am also, able to support myself so I don't need to date any man whether younger or older for his money.
I have an 18 yr. There will be plenty of time to settle down with whomever you want to with later but these yrs. As far as the bit about dating an older man The age will have nothing to do with the level of intimacy you share after the age of You should also, both be able to take care of each other mutually.
In other words don't allow yourself to become somebody's caregiver off the bat. The situation differs if you have been with someone for sometime and they eventually end up becoming sick where you have to take care of them exclusively. Versus, you being in your twenties and dating someone who is in their fifties or older knowing eventually you will have to take care of this person. You have to honestly ask yourself is this something you want to be doing in your forties and fifties. Think about it when your forty, that person who you found attractive, sexy and virile in your twenties will be in their 60's to 80's if they were 20 to 40 yrs.
Will it really be as attractive as it seems right now as you get older. My parents are ten years apart. All my mother wants to do right now in her late sixties is travel while facing the reality that she has to be a caregiver to my dad in his late seventies who doesn't want to go anywhere. They only have a ten year age gap.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man
Can you imagine the couples who have an age gap of 20 or more years. Furthermore, women tend to outlive men. These are all things I think about in my own relationship. For those, women in their twenties, as some other commenters pointed out I would really like to hear from women who are with men yrs. Perhaps creating a family as well. Particularly, those women who are now over the age of 45 and their men are 60 and older. These are the women who I would like to chime in because this is where the age difference really does make a difference. This article doesn't match my experience, or that of my Wife.
I guess we must be an acception to the rule here. We are 11 years in difference and I will tell you It doesn't really matter. What matters is how you feel about eachother. Love doesn't discriminate, only people with hate in their hearts do, and the majority of those relationships are doomed to fail from the start.
We've been married for nearly 18 years, have 3 children, 1 of which is only 5 years old, and all perfectly healthy. Her parents were very accepting of the relationship because we didn't just jump in the deep end. We took our time getting there, and it took a lot of work. The struggles in life that we experienced together, not only strengthened our love for eachother, but also broadened my relationship with her parents, and her with mine.
There isn't a woman on this planet that could take me away from her, and she knows it. At my age, I don't have time to go to bars, go out with the homies, or hang out at nightclubs chasing women. I'm too tired to deal with another woman's drama. I just want to come home after work and spend time with my wife and children.
I'm very content with that. Maybe I'm just a simple man. I just think I got lucky, and found the perfect woman for me. He lost his wife 3 years ago.. I enjoy being with him but the problem is he sexing me very much and make sure that his dick gets in right through I feel like I need to say something since my experiences are rather far different than anyone here.
My parents married when they are in their 30s. My mom was in her late 30s when I was born and my dad just turned 39 two days before I was born. From a young age, their company became mine. Their interests became mine. As I grew older, it exponentially expanded. I currently am 2 days short of being I am a little bit crazy about a man who is precisely 40 years my senior. Before you judge me, I would like to say I have a steady career, studying for a licence exam and writing my Master's thesis proposal.
I earned my keep since I was I am financially independent, highly skilled and domesticated. I stay with my mom to help her out which I think is far better than renting space and worrying how my mom can get by. I do not need anyone's money. I have had my Bachelor's degree in Psychology since I was Why do I like older men? Well, I am a weirdo. I am lonely despite having a healthy circle of friends and family. My social life is not a problem.
I was a strong Mensa candidate when I was I am trying out next year I never felt it was right for my mom to pay for the exam and membership I am a bit in the odd bunch because my IQ shot farther than most. To many, this sounds like bragging but to those who can understand, this means a lifetime of being misunderstood and ridiculed by people who can't follow your train of thought or because you are interested in theater when everyone your age is raving about a new Drake album.
I am far beyond my years, I have little in common with people my age. Though I am aware of their interests and can be well versed, no one can 'get' me. I have not a single friend of my age who can. This all changed when I had a boyfriend who was 58 and I was The conversations were endless, insightful and nourishing. It was like a breath of fresh air. He has never met anyone else like me and I have never met anyone else like him, though half of my social circle are about his age. Unfortunately, he lied to me about being divorced.
My values and principles matter more to me than my own emotions so I left. It was a shame to let go of someone you are incredibly compatible with. Then came my ex-fiance a year after. I was 19 and he was He understood who I am, what I want to be and what I know. It's rare for me to find someone like this, you see.
He was wise and so was I. I lived life too fast living in a poor nation and for a few years, being in the poorest of the poor. I can say, being with him is one of the best moments of my life for which I am grateful though the bitter end came when he, rather uncharacteristically, sought casual relationships outside of ours and without my knowledge. Then came my new love affair. Far more experienced than I will ever be but the common goals and interests are far too many to even mention in this little comment box.
Generally, he wants a tender, loving woman and I want a smart, gentle man. The idea of stability and security is indeed incredibly appealing to me as I believe the best of my years are better spent in intellectual endeavours or boosting my career or helping my family. I do not feel financially insecure or unstable.
I am referring to stability and security relationship wise. I do not want to spend my 20s playing dating games, having casual sex or being in relationships with no goals. I want to be a Clinical Psychologist by 26 and a Doctorate by 30s. I do not want to follow the norm of settling down only when you are too old.
I want to be enjoying the fruits of my labor with the one I love in my 30s or 40s. The reasons in here have very little meaning to me except for the part about my father. I think of my dad as the best man in the bunch. I think of my parents' marriage as the ideal standard. They never shouted or hurt each other and loved each other til death did my father part. They are my rolemodels. Age is an incredibly important factor for me because I find the appeal of intelligence, wisdom, experience and maturity attractive.
This is the basis of my attraction, not socioeconomic, psychological or physiological standards. I hope I made my point and myself clear. I am, however, rare. That much I know so I understand being often unrepresented. Don't know where to put my finger, but I'm crazy in love with the middle-aged man. I'm started to doubt myself whether there is something wrong with me neurologically.
I did date guys my age 30ish ; unfortunately, we didn't click. However, I'm pretty sure I'm genuine with this man I'm crazy about. I don't need him financially. I feel good around him. But, the sad truth, I'm scared that I may be get hurt someday. My feelings, for the first time, have been in the rollercoaster whether I take him seriously for a commitment if he will propose for it. Time will tell what's waiting for both of us, but I won't force a serious relationship.
And I'm also not seeing someone else but him. I am 26 now, I am dating a man 12 years older then me. We get along fine, we both dont have kids. The only problem I am having is the lack of support. I will do and go anywhere with him as long as hes happy. I enjoy spending time with him and being involved with all of his hobbies. However I feel when I ask him to do somthing with me, somthing I want to do, somthing always seems to come up where he can't or wont go. The things I want to do are like work on my car or something of that nature. If its a outing I invite him out to, I usually find myself alone.
I am starting to figure this isn't so much of a age gap but a habbit. That partner in crime I thought he was is starting to seem lacking. I'm 34 yrs and my man is 64 yrs the age gap is I have 2 kids outside before I met him and he's got 1 child. He's a very busy man every time when he gets home he's tired which I do understand. He took me to school bought me a car.
He makes me feel comfortable in my stretch marks my wrinkled tummy. Hes understanding we've got good communication. OMG he's so amazing. We have great Sex. I tell you there's a huge difference in dating younger boys and older man. With older man it's so sweet no complications. I'm 27 years old my son's dad is 46 yrs old i met him when i was 22 yrs old. He told me he was divorce with 2 kids he was living alone the kids used to come once in the while.
There's a married woman who used to take care of the kids and he said that woman was his best friend after 2 years i discovered that he was sleeping with the woman for the past 8 yrs and that woman was playing the role of a sister in law cooking sometimes for us i saw her naked pictures ob his phone and other pictures of her lying on our bed when i traveled out to Egypt. It breaks my heart into pieces before that I've tried to get married twice but each time we're planning for that something must happened.
I love kisses but he doesn't kiss and i never cheated on him for that at times goes i stop loving him each time i see him he's disgusting me. I couldn't tell him i don't love him anymore because he was taking care of my needs and wanted to sponsor my musical career above that i didnt want my son to grow up like me without a father. I rejected lot of marriage proposal just because i thought no man can't love my son like his father. I moved to South Africa 2 years ago and i left him in UK we've been living separate for the past 2 years he came 2 times a year.
Last time he came i couldn't pretend anymore i told him i don't love him anymore and I'm not interested in any marriage with him he treathen to block my passport, to harm me , etc My family started pressuring me that i should forgive and let go for my future is guaranty with him he promised to do anything if i accept him back. I don't love him anymore and i can't marry for money i definitely know that i won't be satisfied sexually and i would be having sex out but i don't want that kind of marriage I'm also thinking about my son because he needs medical attention everytime he's an albino.
What should I do? There's someone 9 years older than me single who has been there for the past 4 months he wants to settle and want me to have kids before doing the music. I'm confused please help me. I am a 33 year old female who has been with a man 18 years my senior for over 10 years.
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We have been married for 8 years out of the I will say there are a lot of hurdles when it comes to age gap relationships and him and I have been through some questionable times but we love each other very much and talk about everything. There is nothing we won't do for each other.
He was married before, thankfully with. We now have two healthy children together and he is an amazing father at his age. Does more than I see most fathers do at younger ages. Maybe we are a lucky couple but we are proof that age gaps can work. As far as health issues.. I have had more than him, so him being older isnt a sure fine way he will have more. Anyway, we live happily together with our family, and enjoying our life. If you love each other, that's all that matters. My first husband was 15 years older than I, I remarried four years after he died, my husband now is 20 years older. We are much in love, and celebrate each month together!
Yes, it can work. Ladies any relation and for whatever reason is great as long both parties are clear of their reasons behind their actions. Older women will always hate May-December relationships because the older women thinks that she can no longer compete against a younger women. On the other side you ladies are only seen one side of the equation, your side! How about seen both sides of the equation, men's needs and wants? Lets also review one of my favorites passages of the Bible, 1Kings 1: Personally I see the female question and fear to a younger female because of the monogamy model that forces men to abandon a woman to have another.
I will never trade my 50 years old wife, her wisdom, her love real , her company our cinversation are priceless. However, I also would love to have a younger women too and she knows it and understands me. No the question is, if I can afford it, why I cannot have another younger women in my life and share my life openly and in agreement between the parties involve?
Please lets explore this landscape! I dated a man 16 years older than me. He got sacked from his job. So much for financial security. I dated another man 12 years older than me. Within 3 months he got a terminal cancer diagnosis. He died last year. If you re after his money for social acceptance. He's probably after a younger women to show off to his friends.
I agree Donna, and those are some of the considerations to keep in mind while getting into a relationship with an older man. I am not saying that these things can not be overcome though. To each their own. Marrying a man 10 years or older may cause issues. His friends may be his age and a women may not have as much in common as someone her own age.
He may not have the strength or energy to travel the world with a women, go out dancing. His interests may be a lot different. Please live your life. The truth is that everyone's romantic partner is their choice. Stop listening to society and follow your heart. It's no one else's business what the two of you decide.
That being said, obviously the man should be single. Honestly, that's just common sense though. I'm fallen for a man that is 21 years older than me. I'm 43 he's He's so sexy though and still full of energy. I regret big time even I live with him till now for the sake of my young son.
TBO, what is your problem? In her world you are the Alpha Man. However, marriage and kids so fast? Whether she is a virgin or not is not an issue. The issue at hand is trust! What really worries me is that she is 17, a teenager that changes her wants, ideals and ideas every 5 minutes. For her, what is the meaning of love? Today she loves you, tommorrow she will be in love with Justin Beaver or with the new Policeman in town. You are looking for trouble!
I have feelings for this older guy When I'm around him Most of the things in this article is true But, I think relationships are personal and therefore subjective. I have been with my guy for 14 yrs. We just clicked from the get go. All the things you listed here are subjective. I wanted to have children. But its not imperative to have biological children. Adoption is an option if I decide to go ahead with it. At first, I did fall prey to most of the negative reasons you cited in your blog and decided to try dating younger guys. They were a bust. Nothing compared to my relationship with my older mature guy.
I would rather have a short but truly fulfilling marriage with my older guy than marry a younger man who may make my life miserable in the short future. A high Quality of Life is based on less superficial things. Suzzana, whatever you think is also inconsequential! It is just a mere personal opinion without any sociological or scientific fact!
My comnent is based on series of books written by scientist that are well respected on the academia and based on actual research. My other source that I did mentioned comes from the Bible. If you do not agree with science and research nor me or any other educated person cannot have a civilized conversation about this topic! After reading many of the comments here, I see that many young women have married ridiculously older men. Whatever reasons led to this, my heart goes out to them; once they have evolved and their psychological issues have passed, there could be many problems and regrets.
I don't think its normal for a woman to want a man more than 10 years older, at the most. I also think that once society deems it more acceptable, women will start to admit that younger men are very appealing.
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Sexually, youth is appealing to everyone - including women. I had older-man fantasies in my youth because I had issues with my own father. When I tried it, I was quite turned off, sad to say. Unless the older man looks like James Bond, it is not too appealing for a woman. I personally have never been attracted to anyone more than 6 years my senior. Maybe, had I been dirt poor, I would have forced myself to marry a much older man but since I did not have to, I did not. This article is rubbish!
Woman by nature is attracted to older men. By nature woman is hypergamous, tend to marry upward, and monogamous. While men by nature tends to be hypogamous, marries downward, and polygamous. Since women and society tend to force monogamy there is the tendency of serial monogamy. Serial monogamy usually goes hand in hand with something called menopause, in which women tend to lose interest in sex and men tend to look for another women and there comes the divorce.
Marrying a younger women in a worst case scenario it can end up during sex by the young women giving the man a heart attack, and that, is dying happy! I date women 20 years younger than me because ive kept myself well. One of the main reasons is men my age know how to be a man. Younger men struggle with this today. They dont take charge, they ask too many questions, they arent humble, and in lots of cases they arent tough.
The list goes on and on. Its not about money. No man wants to date a woman that wants him for his money. The attraction is his hustle and drive. The woman i date now is great. Shes funny, cool, and is interesting. Shes not some 22 year old club chick.
Been with my husband for 13 years we are 29 years apart he still grade in bed he's 64 years old great sex Great Adventures we love each other for a compatible that's all there is to it God has blessed our marriage also and again sex is great! Somehow I've fallen in love with my 54 yo neighbor I will say he is awesome in bed, very mentally, physically and emotionally attentive to my children and I.
Hello, I am 28 and my husband We have been together for almost 4 years so far. We have a son. He was single when we met, simply he hadn't found a soulmate. When we met he was unemployed because the factory where he had worked for 10 years had closed. So I find offensive pretending that all women dating older men do it for money. I found him sweeter and more reliable, that's all. By time he started to work again. With the son he has far more energy than me, this is a thing that surprised me very much: A man in his 40s is still strong and pretty young but at the same time not immature and superficial like younger men.
I think that men in their 40s are better marriage-material, and not just for money, oh no! That's the last why. Just look at how younger people are: I am tired of everyone thinking if you are only with an older man for money. I am stl supportive. He has a farm he loves and I have a house in town.
Problems With Dating Older Men | Dating Tips
His farm is left to his daughters so I will be in my house when he passes. I love him more than the men I have dated who were younger. He is a widower who never went out on his wife. Many older men have better morals than younger men who are lying womanizer not all but many. My man is the sweetest man I know and I totally trust him.. Wow i just wanted to scream when i was reading all the disses this person was saying about older men. Older men are so awesome most of them anyway there are your few that are not still as grown up but they have so much knowledge and so do older women. My choice has always been a oh he is much to old for you Man Older men and younger women can connect way better than same age couples.
They know exactly what the other one needs emotionally. When you have your younger man still trying to prove himself in life the wives get neglected a lot in her emotional needs she is ready for that way earlier in life so being with her more established man he is definitely ready to love her like the crazy passion that she needs and deserves in life. She doesn't have to wait years for that attention she usually is so craving and then have that same age man get tired of her.
Like a lot of men do being married to a woman closer in age. I just know it works out that way a lot. I always prefer a big age gap like this person just sat there and shot down! That's my peace today. I'm not have an affair I'm married to an older man. We had a 2 year old daughter together. She is strong, smart, and beautiful.
Older men can produce amazing children. This article is dumb. I met a year-old when I was He was able to provide financial security and a certain lifestyle. We broke up as friends 3 years later because he was settling down and I wanted to keep exploring, being social and crazy etc. I soon met a locally known man and we are now together — I 29, he Though he is much older than my husband and poor as dirt, he is more energetic, virile and strong.
More even than myself! We are more suited to each other. I think the above article shows limited understanding of age-gap relationships, though overall it's fairly truthful, just shallow. I love men for who they are but do acknowledge I simply feel more attracted to older men.
It's simply a physical thing — I like the rugged skin, crow's feet and silver hair. I believe that can be true the other way around as well. We don't have daddy or daughter issues and people who care can see we are equals. Another thing that's worth mentioning is that most people don't consider that it's not easy to emotionally satisfy an older man. Most people will say "She's getting off easy because he must just be crazy about her and never complain. It's much more a challenge for the woman than people think but I believe worth it, for me at least.
I am 19 years Old Currently talking to a 29yr old. We Have A great Connection. We talk all The Time He supports me and he's here for me when I need him to be. He has a sense Of Humor Like me. I am 28 with a 63 year old who treats me very amazing met him after my husband died , very very good sex ,he also is very caring because he ensure that I have everything,give me financial advice so I can have my own business like him..
And I love him for these little things. I am 35 and married to a 60 year old. We have 3 beautiful girls together ages 15, 11 and 5. However, I find these days he is not interested in sex, love making etc. I am starting to become frustrated, angry and resentful.